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Going on Hiatus

This blog will be on hiatus for the indeterminate future. Thank you for your support.

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11 Wonderful Reasons Winter is Sheer Misery

11 Wonderful Reasons Winter is Sheer Misery

  “A glas of mulled wine with tangerines, cinnamon and christmastree branches on round cutting board” by Marco Verch under a CC 2.0 License

  Winter often fills the mind with fond thoughts of mulled wine, mistletoe, Yule logs, Christmas lights, and hot toddies. We well up at the memories of opening Santa’s presents and playing board games by the warm fireplace. Winter’s became so irrationally…

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Web Bot's Horoscope: December 2018

Web Bot’s Horoscope: December 2018

  “Robot Roll Call” by W & J under a CC 2.0 license.

I am seeing your astrology potential.

With crystal herbs, you can do much healing of past lives.

A daily career will give you planetary love & sex.

Look out for Scorpio, it could bring tarot Cancer.

Aries: You have a tendency to run away from confrontation, but today you find weather is in Stockholm, Sweden.

Taurus: If you are on a plane I…

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Extra wide King Bed w/ Mattress and Boxsprings. Broke right down the fucking middle. Free. After a hefty night of wine drinking my wife chose to suplex the bed and the bed lost.

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Millenial Confused by Archaic "Cloth Napkin" at Family Dinner

Millenial Confused by Archaic “Cloth Napkin” at Family Dinner

Topeka, KS– A millenial reported earlier today she was confounded by a strange rectangle of cloth placed in what she later learned was a “napkin holder” on the dinner table at her grandparent’s house. Unsure of its purpose she attempted to ignore it, poking at it idly to confirm it wasn’t alive.

Halfway into dinner she was informed it fulfilled the same function as a paper towel only it was made…

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Vegan Zombies Swarming the Country

Vegan Zombies Swarming the Country

USA—The horror arrived in one terrifying surge of chaos and carnage. Family members and survivors are still struggling to process the events that started only two days ago.

One survivor, Jeremy Shieldman of San Fransisco, gave a chilling first-hand account of the attacks. He described in detail as his vegan friend of 20 years, Mark Philston, began seizing and frothing at the mouth while eating at…

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Healthcare Provider: "Just Google it!"

Healthcare Provider: “Just Google it!”

“Wear the White Coat 2018” by The Greater Louisville Medical Society under a CC by 2.0 License.

New York, NY— Yesterday evening, Dr. Wilma Toledo, a prominent physician at Hope Vista Hospital announced at the quarterly American Physician Association gala that her 12 years of medical school and 15 years of clinical experience was completely worthless and she urged the association to consider a new…

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Physicist Opens Portal into New Dimension, Finds Last Night's Leftovers

Physicist Opens Portal into New Dimension, Finds Last Night’s Leftovers

Dr. Jeff Andrews expressed deep satisfaction yesterday evening when he discovered the lost remnants of last night’s lasagna in another dimension after creating a portal.

“I was worried Dr. Harris had taken it for himself. He loves italian food.” Dr. Andrews has since confirmed the leftovers were delicious after speaking briefly with a couple Zorgathian ambassadors attempting to foster a peaceful…

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Clean Eating for Dummies

Clean Eating for Dummies

Everyone has heard about eating clean but do you really know how to get started? Most people find that getting started is the hardest part of the journey; these tips will break it down for you.

Use Plenty of Water! You really need to get the food clean if you’re going to eat it. Be sure and douse repeatedly with sterile water.

Soap it up! No one hates avocado toast more than I do when I can’t…

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Seagull Thinking About Nabbing leftover Hot Dog Bun, Unsure

Seagull Thinking About Nabbing leftover Hot Dog Bun, Unsure

A seagull was in the midst of an intense internal debate this evening over whether to grab a piece of hot dog bun left in a Walmart parking lot or to seek shelter for the night. This decision has been made more complicated by the fact that he’s had terrible luck this season. Earlier in the day he tried eating a potato chip that turned out to actually be a piece of used napkin. We will keep you…

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Evil Ghost Finds Success in Social Networking

Evil Ghost Finds Success in Social Networking

“Business is booming, baby!” the ghost bride belts out ecstatically from the ether she materializes from. The afterlife has been on high tide for the ghost commonly known as “The Butcher Bride” since social networking exploded.  “I don’t say that easily, considering I died in the 19th century.”

For most people chain letters have been a common nuisance promising some sort of magical incentive for…

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The Jaded Psychic: 07/29/2017

The Jaded Psychic: 07/29/2017

This is the year of the rooster. I think. Your lucky number is 8. Lottery numbers are 5 2 51–It doesn’t matter you’re never gonna win. This is a year for hidden truths and keeping your secrets close and some other ambiguous stuff so you can prescribe whatever meaning you see fit. You know, with Mercury in retrograde… or something. I can’t believe people pay me to do this. You’re all sheeple.

Anyw…

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10 Things: The Joy of Growing Old and Dying

10 Things: The Joy of Growing Old and Dying

Most of us dread our slowly approaching expiration date whether we are 25 and working out in the gym or 80 and watching the Paramedic’s calm exterior dissolve while your EKG strip straightens out! It’s a frightening fact that we are doomed to watch our bodies and minds break down till we die. Though there may be scientists and doctors dedicated to extending and enhancing our lives we need to get…

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China Optimistic About Next Major Safety Hazard

China Optimistic About Next Major Safety Hazard

A Chinese Ministry of Public Security officials reached out this week regarding recent public safety failures to include a massive hazardous materials explosions in the Port of Tianjin on August 13, 2015, a construction waste landslide in Shenzhen on December 20, 2015 and a Gypsum mine collapse December 25, 2015.

“Don’t worry,” he stated. “We are quite certain at this point that another disaster…

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Player Banned for Trolling in FPS Match Says Just Being Honest

Player Banned for Trolling in FPS Match Says Just Being Honest

flickr photo by Dave_B_ https://flickr.com/photos/daverugby83/4099765162 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

Last Sunday at approximately eleven in the evening, twenty-three year old Joshua Stevenson of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, began an average night of verbal abuse and taunting during a Capture the Flag match on the first person shooter game, Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. Under the alias…

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