Arda's Smartest Maia

Hey. It's me. Mairon. I know life better than any of you. Ask me any of your stupid questions. (Mod: this blog is an RP blog for a VILLIAN. There's going to be verbal/physical/sexual/emotional abuse mentions. I've tried to tag these things in the past, but it gets hard because I blog via mobile 90% of the time, and I can't tag there. So, if these are subjects you could be triggered by, please unfollow this blog. It's not for you. I try to tag explicit mentions of rape "tw rape" but I can't always do this. Again, heads up, this is a VILLIAN from a DARK BOOK. It's not a g-rated blog and Mairon is absolutely not a fluffy dude. Let yourself be warned.)

[vinyafinwe]

my name is sauron and I love pussy

[saurons-advice]

same girl same

[saurons-advice]

My friend and I were saying what if people dared each other to flash the Palantir and show Sauron your cock and balls and I thought of this blog for some reason, hope you are doing well!

I am doing SO well. Manwe lets me visit Feanor in the halls every once in a while because he claims we piss each other off enough that it's worth it. It's true. I irritate that man and I cannot stand him in return. But joke's on Manwe. I'm going to make the Silmarils, Round 2, Bigger and Better.

As for the palantir? Oh, yes, sure, people have shown cock and balls. I simply swish my wine glass in my hand, amused. It makes sense that people are so enraptured by me that they try to seduce me in some sort of base, animal display of lust. I don't mind it. I'm flattered. I'm used to being the hottest bitch of all time. Still am. Can't blame people for falling for me. A dare is just an excuse to out outside established boundaries of normalcy without perceived attribution to one's own will. But it's always real. I know what the people want. ME. They want ME, Mairon, THE best maia of ALL TIME. I don't flash my OWN cock and balls because that's BORING. Sometimes I bite my palantir so they can see my fangs- those are cool. Manwe took the batteries out but once I get a Silmaril going, they'll be up and running again.

[saurons-advice]

It's me Im here I. Am all alone the void

Is not as tangible as you'd think

The life is j

The life is not as much as you'd think

I have thoughts and theyre not good

And im here for saurons advice

But id prefer Mairon but i kno that isnt etitht

I know thabtbe inrm

I k ow tha

I know that isnt righ

I know that thisntn

I know eign

I k.ow

I known what

I k owi

I know that isnt right

Sauron

[saurons-advice]

Hello 💖

[saurons-advice]

I think I'm going to show up to the ainur blacksmith tuesday social mixer in this. They're sooooo mad at me for the whole "sauron" thing lmaooooo. Ha! I've still got my lifetime membership card though! So they can fuck off. I go a lot these days. I drink my blue raspberry flaming gin and absinthe coolers in margarita glasses. Always get like fifty. And I glare at everyone in the room dramatically.

[sableteeth]

& btw my fur is so so soft and nice to pet. in case you were wondering.

[saurons-advice]

Honestly Melkor isn't even good in bed. You guys need to hear this. It's the truth. He's not good. He's not talented at it. At all. He has no clue what he's doing. Really the experience is more for the novelty of it than actual physical pleasure in the human sense. It's just a silly thing to do for silly reasons. You want someone who fucks like they mean it, talk to Celebrimbor. He's not ainur. He knows what's up.

[saurons-advice]

Breaking into your car just to leave a few tubs of cream under the back seats. Not that type unfortunately. I'm talking straight out of the dairy section. No, no, straight out of the freezer for that condescension factor. Get the fabric all soggy as fuck back there. Positively dripping in car sweat. Few pinhole pricks in the cream tub and we've got a recipie for hellscape and hatred. Good luck getting it out of your car. Maybe it'll go bad so slowly that your nose will adjust to the slight funk and ignore it, yes, yes ignore it until it's too late. Now what? You've got a milk car, boy. Sour milk car fabric. Do you fix it or die? Signed, Sauron.

[saurons-advice]

I would pay money for a play by play commentary by your sauron on the amazon show - i mean ik thats too much work for any one person to do but im imagining it

i love money but i hate watching tv. i much prefer to watch my enemies beg and cower at my feet tbh.

[saurons-advice]

in honor of Amazon's new Slim Shady Sauron, I'd like to remind you all of the raps I used to post here. who could forget that time I rhymed "opera" and "pasta." genius.

[saurons-advice]

Sauron, do you sponsor Tumblr Blaze posts?

No, Manwe doesn't let me have a bank account

[eugeniedanglars]

how could anyone hate tumblr when we are the only social media platform with a dedicated and popular subset of users who exclusively post about being evil gay wizards

[evilwizard]

it’s an honor and a privilege ma’am

[normal-horoscopes]

Just doing my part

[saurons-advice]

Mairon I just got fired :( (well I was informed my contract wasn't going to be made permanent but it's kind of the same thing) What should I do about it? How did you cope with being fired after losing Tol Sirion?

Jobs are temporary. The confidence, sex appeal, and utter bedazzlement that I am? That's forever. Jobs have never once determined my value (except the time I dated my boss and got SO involved teehee). My value is inherent to just how incredible I am....and that....baby THAT never changes. I'm simply the better no matter what tower I'm in.

[busymagpie]

next debate.. who lays the best pipe?

oh geez

[saurons-advice]

Me, for sure.

[saurons-advice]

I thought your gender was “I am fire I am death”

im packing so much more than fire right now honestly

[saurons-advice]

people often ask....are you a man? are you nonbinary? are you a woman? well babes i'm a lady gaga fan

[saurons-advice]

No matter how often you change your form, change your face and your hair and your garments, a thread of you will remain and you can never escape it.