Hi there

I am in therapy.

[savingmyselfagainandagain]

Hi again.

It's been years since I wrote something here. I don't know why I'm back yet, but I feel the need to write again. I stopped writing when I was 22, now I am almost 30...

After years of therapy I finally know what's wrong with me... Or rather... what happened to me. Cptsd. I most probably have cptsd. Not officially diagnosed, but I am sure my therapists agree. I went through multiple traumas in my life since I was literally a newborn baby. I am working hard to deal with it. I am working hard to help my nervous system feel safe again.

I never thought I would make it to 30. Or I thought everything would be finally okay at 30. I was wrong. I am still here, but I am still very much struggling. I won't be okay at 30. But I am working on it.

For now I am 29 and struggling. Chronic fatigue, chronic pain, pots, flashbacks, nightmares, ... It's a whole package deal. But hey, I also have a part time job, which is... amazing. It takes every ounce of energy I have, but I am doing it. I am working.

That's all I can write now... maybe till another time

[weltenwellen]

Susan Sontag, As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh

[ufocomeandgetmeplease-deactivat]

"I was burning, while you came blaming me for the smell of ashes."

- Fyodor Dostoevsky

[7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7]

the urge to be hugged for 4 hrs

[oopsabird]

the reason you were able to read more and do more activities in a day when you were a kid than you do as an adult isn’t because you got stupider, it’s because as a child you generally had your base needs taken care of and your schedule provided to you, so you didn’t have to use as much of your mental and physical energy on planning, life maintenance (ie food and administrative tasks), and general executive function. of course you could focus on reading a novel in two days, somebody else made your lunches and you never thought about phone bills and you didn’t even have to decide for yourself when to take a bath. c’mon

[trauma-blog]

-

[deprixpain]

Please make this stop

Please make it stop

[jupiters-saddest-alien]

I don’t wanna get out of bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up.

[mentalhealth]

by peopleiveloved

[abnormall]

[0nly-an-illusi0n]

[unwelcome-ozian]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[ojibwa]

[graceautumn]

[angelnumber130]

[alprazolxm]