#actually cptsd

[bestpupaku]

no i love forming relationships and thinking were closer than we actually are! i love knowing that in too much of a depressing fucking loser for people to actually want to be around me! i love feeling like everyone will leave eventually so i try to cling on like a fussy child who doesnt want their parents to go!

i love it!

[bestpupaku]

i just feel like a black hole. taking all light away and evergrowing. like everyone around ne knows im going to make them upset or something thats why they keep their distance.

i wake up with a dull pain in my heart that never fully goes away. it just settles itself when i think in happy. i dont even know if its true happiness or an act. why cant i remember these feelings?

i feel like a robot, lacking all things that make a human but trying its best to blend in.

it's exhausting.

[bestpupaku]

journal post.

[fictotsundere]

well

[walkin-after-midnight]

my birth giver who refuses to believe i have a cptsd diagnosis is sharing those "10 signs you have cptsd" tiktoks on her face book im crying

[satanicsanity]

I fucking love some good asmr man

It's literally my mental emotional nyquill

And I get someone gently telling me that I did a good job and deserve some rest FOR FREE???

Genuinely has helped combat my nervous system being in combat mode 24/7 due to CPTSD, I feel like I'm in a warm safe little caccoon where nothing else matters

Thank you asmrtists 😌

[no--fish]

What stage of trauma is going from "why did no one help me?" To "they couldn't have helped me"

[switchblade-romance]

life update:

after almost twenty-six years of emotional, verbal, mental, and financial abuse and covert incest so extreme that it was a literal detriment to my health, i have finally left and cut ties with my parents today. i am safe, with an amazing support network who i love so dearly, although i may be AWOL on here for a few more days — i’m aware i still have some messages i am behind on responding to.

tonight, i will celebrate by buying myself the birthday cake i never got and watching the new backrooms movie 🖤