It was warm. It was must too warm despite it being the belly days of summer. There was another excusrion under their belts– just out to the back bark of the Min property, but they were along and it took a little bit of walking to get here, after all.
Flopping back into the hay, Abel heaves a heavy sigh.
It’s not too bad, Mckenna is here.
“Do you think Eiden will find us out here?” He asks, just a passing thought as he wipes a bit of sweat from his forehead before pushing the sleeves of hi shirt up. Long sleeves were a poor choice on his part today.
summer days with abel hold their charms - they are full of running through the rain, running through the wood, running and always running. today, they slip to the edges; a place they can’t be found, because best friends sometimes like to spend their time alone and mckenna thinks that they are no different. ( their gravity says otherwise, but that’s a lesson learned much later. ) she watches him with dancing eyes and knows that abel has always been able to draw her gaze.
with a smile, she lays next to him on the hay and marvels at the blue of the sky, or the way the clouds seem to be floating by. it’s only when abel speaks that she turns her head, full attention.
“ would he really be so determined just to look for us?” she mumbles, lips curving into a gentle smile. he’s hot, she thinks - it comes with some concern, because they have no water and not many ways to cool off. but abel still finds ways to hold her gaze, the sleeves of his shirt baring his skin - until, of course, she sits up abruptly.
there is something here that doesn’t belong.
“ what’s that?” her voice is pointed, sharp - a thorn in his side, burying in him. it demands an answer as she snatches at abel’s wrist, incredulity seeping into her tone. “ abel, what is this?”
she knows her answer before he speaks: a dark mark, clear as day on his heated skin.
How much longer did it have to be like this? He was running out of time and the thought only made him hold tighter to her.
She was so in love with this other boy and he was so wrong for her. He didn’t deserve her and all of this– he didn’t deserve McKenna at her best and he certainly didn’t deserve Mckenna like this.
Not that Abel did either, but he could at least vouch that his feelings weren’t a fleeting summer heat wave. His feelings flourished in the summer when he could pry her away from Rian enough to drive down to the pond and his feelings held up strong and real in the winter when the castle halls were freezing and he always held her a little bit closer in case she got cold.
“I know you do.” He knows she loves her, but it’s not the same. It’s not at all. They say nice guys finish last so why does he feel like he’s in the very last place? “I won’t. I won’t, ever again.”
And his heart is breaking. The last thing Abel ever wants to do is hurt her, make her worry, and in that very second, it dawns on him. It’s completely and utterly transparent.
He despises Rian for hurting Mckenna in the way he does, but he’s hurting her in a completely different way.
“Oh my god, I’ve been– this is all…” Now he knows he is truly the worst.
He hopes she can see it, he hopes she can see how sincere he’s being because it’s the only thing he is with her. “I’ll always be here and… I won’t… I’m… you shouldn’t have to worry about me. You’re right, baby girl.”
Now he’s cupping her cheeks with both his hands and this could all go south so very quick, but he can’t move away. She’s like his gravity, always pulling him in and making it impossible for him to leave.
“I’ll be good, okay? I won’t fight anymore. I won’t I promise I won’t– but only if you promise not to be afraid either because I’m never going anywhere.”
Was Abel Min on the verge of tears? His voice certainly was a little wet sounding as he whispers to her.
there’s a hint of struggle in him that she doesn’t understand. mckenna tries to figure out abel like a puzzle; there are so many pieces that fall in line but there are just as many that don’t fit. just like here, in this moment: he looks war torn and needing something that she can’t quite give ( it’s difficult, because mckenna wants to give him everything ). in truth, her heart knows what it is he needs, but her mind covers up the reality to spare herself - even to abel’s detriment. and that’s why she always feels guilty, because mckenna isn’t enough. she has never been enough.
a heavy sigh sits on her lips and she looks into abel’s eyes - it’s not like she has a choice, with the way he holds onto her and makes her. still, there is a depth in the way that abel is staring at her now and even if he let her go, she isn’t sure she could pull away. this moment seems too serious for that, and still mckenna finds herself wondering what it is that has left him in so much pain. “ i hope not.” she finally responds, her quiet voice ringing in echoes around the empty bathroom walls. quiet. a pause. even her own voice sounds loud in her ears when she mumbles next, “ ... i don’t know what i’d do if i lost you.”
but she does. these are just things that mckenna doesn’t talk about - things that she won’t say.
the regret that sounds in abel’s voice next makes her feel heavy - wrong, somehow. mckenna didn’t want this, to make him suffer more than he already has. but she finds appreciation of her own in his sincerity, because with her, abel is always true. he has never once given her reason to doubt his words. ( inwardly, mckenna hopes he never does. ) “ abel ..” she trails off as he speaks, her brow furrowing and he’s in pain, and that puts her in pain. “ this isn’t what i meant -”
but he speaks promises that are bound by their source of gravity, and carry the same weight. he looks into her eyes and he looks like he’s begging, as if he’s loathe to let her go because she’ll slip away for good. her lip trembles at the desperation - never has anyone clung to her so fiercely before abel min. they’re too close to be sure and this is going down all the wrong roads but mckenna still feels enough sympathy for him to stay. she will always stay.
“ stop talking .. you’re going to hurt your lip more.” she hasn’t yet seen abel cry, but she doesn’t want to see it now, either. abel is a strong man, but seeing him crumble like this before her makes mckenna realize that even he, too, has his limits. apparently they’ve begun to cross the threshold, and she can’t help but feel like it’s her fault. that’s why she doesn’t pull away from him - from the way they stand with bodies that almost touch, how intimate the moment feels. they’re too close, and because she recognizes it, she can’t quite meet his eyes. “ even if you stopped fighting, i’d always worry about you abel. you mean that much."
and again, the words she doesn’t say: because of that, i’ll always be afraid.
He made a promise. He made a very important promise to a very important person and he is determined to stick to it no matter what.
Which is why, instead of immediately making his way over to the group of first year Gryffindors across the courtyard to throw some terror their way, he’s leaning against the wall, looking well past bored.
“I think I’m gonna skip potions to take a nap or something.”
Merlin, this was so hard.
But he couldn’t. He had to be good for Mckenna. He didn’t want to lose her any more than he already had. He didn’t think he could do it if he lost her completely, he already has a taste of what that’s like during the summer months and the school breaks. It’s not something Abel enjoys– it’s a time where he gets his most destructive, in fact, he almost feels lost without her, like something so vital to him is missing and at the end of the day when he finally lays down to sleep, he only can imagine what she’s doing at that moment with him.
He stifles a yawn, crossing his arms over his chest.
Abel is so focused on figuring out what he’s going to do during his newly free period that he almost doesn’t feel it– the little tug on his robes that is oh so her.
He almost doesn’t notice her, but Abel has a way of always feeling her presence. He just knows.
Mckenna’s request hits him a moment later and that’s when he knows something is wrong. Turning his back on the other Slytherin he was spending his time with, his full attention is on her in a second.
“Baby girl?” Hands come up to grab hers. “What’s the matter? Are you okay– did he do something to you?”
she can’t tell if it’s cold in the courtyard or if it’s just her body, turning to ice and stone. has she seen a basilisk? did the gorgon really curse her with her glance? the only thing that she can think of is the destruction of her galaxy: stars falling, black holes swallowing her and ripping her to shreds. this is a loss that eats at her core, and she isn’t sure really how to speak of it, she just needs to .. survive, somehow. although at the moment, it’s hard for her to believe that right now, she’ll survive with her heart intact.
can someone live without a beating heart that feels things?
in her mind’s eye, beyond the chaos there is only abel. mckenna is vaguely aware that there are other people in the courtyard but right now, he is the only person she sees, hears, feels. her hand to his robes is a tiny lifeline, one that is threatening to suffer and break at any minute. ( she reminds herself that worlds should not be built around people, but abel isn’t a person: he’s a lighthouse in the storm. he’s the three headed dog guarding her trapdoor. )
mckenna struggles to find a smile - to at least smile for him once, because even in the back of her mind she feels a little guilty for bringing to him the worry that he always brings to her. it’s a struggle, but at least she manages a weak sham of one. at the moment, all mckenna can be thankful for is that the touch of his hand on hers grounds her enough to breathe.
one. two. three.
opening her mouth to speak an answer to his question - no, she’s not okay; yes, she’s a girl destroyed - nothing comes out, but a small whimper in the back of her throat. the words he told her before cutting their ties and red strings echo in her head: never, shouldn’t, forget. the smile she was struggling to find before slips off her face in an instant, and the tears that were dammed by the destruction of pillars and galaxies in her mind finally break through.
“ can we get away from here?” she manages to croak out a whisper, again, ignoring his questions and the way that the other people in the courtyard surely see them acting .. peculiar. “ please?” the way that she looks at him hopefully answers his questions enough. mckenna, broken, doesn’t want to lay the pieces of herself on the ground for just anyone to see.
abel will accept her weakness, but mckenna’s afraid that anyone else will eat her alive.
in this moment, it feels like her mind is a blank sheet of paper yet to be written on, both empty and chaotic in its void. never has mckenna once thought that the world is cruel until it lays in shambles at her feet. it becomes hard to pick up the pieces after six years of suffering through wishes and defeat, hope and despair. to say that she’s sad is an understatement - there is no word mckenna knows in her vast vocabulary that can explain how horribly empty she feels in this moment. how broken. how lonely.
it’s mckenna’s fault, really. it’s her fault for allowing a boy to become her entire world, to put him on columns that become large pedestals built by her love and the blood of her hands. she should have known better, really. you can’t build your world around a person, because people will always disappoint you. that’s something that she learned from her books, from her parents, from the way her brother still falls into their dark trap. but regardless of the fact that she knows all of this, mckenna still feels like a ship dashed against the rocks. she still feels like a ghost.
she isn’t sure what exactly she’s looking for until she finds it - or rather, him.
abel appears before her like a light at the end of a tunnel. and perhaps, she thinks, that’s always what he’s been to her - the whispers about him in the halls still fall on her deaf ears, because whenever mckenna needs abel min he’s there. and this is something in and of itself that they will never talk about, because mckenna’s heart belongs - belonged - to someone else. she pretends that she does not know why, but theirs is a gravity that can’t be denied.
but this is something that she can’t think about, not now - not yet, anyway. because the only thing that she’s desperate for now is a breath of air; she wants abel to pull her up from the water that she’s drowning in. her pillar is collapsing, and the only strength she finds is in the way a shaking fist clutches at the back of abel’s robes. he hasn’t yet seen her, but she’s sure he’ll know it’s her. “ abel ..” her voice is a shaky whisper and she feels so small looking at his back. “ can you take me away from here?”
Anyone else. He’ll mess up with anyone else and he doesn’t care.
He could tell Eiden the dirty truth and not care. He could scream from the bell tower about his misdeeds and not care, but the moment that he makes Mckenna cry is the moment when he can’t forgive himself.
And he knows he’s messed up. He knows when the sick splat of the towel hits his chest and them smacks on the floor.
“Fuck.”
No, he could see anyone cry. He could watch his own mother cry without a flicker of emotion, but not his Mckenna. Hell, she’s not even full out crying yet and all of his alarms are going off.
“Mckenna, no!” That’s not what he meant. He would– “I… I would never leave you.” Never. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. No matter what, he had to take care of her.
He had to make sure that she was alright and that she loved. She was so loved. He didn’t think he could love someone anymore.
“I love you– I would never leave you.”
And that was it. That was all it took to break him.
He waits, doesn’t touch her until she touches him and when she does, his hands are grabbing gently at her wrist and he wants her to look at him so much, but she won’t. She won’t and he made her cry.
He made her cry.
“I’m not– would never. Mckenna, I would never leave you. I’ve always been by your side, right? I’m not about– please, look at me princess, I’m not about to go anywhere now.”
He was really starting to feel this split lip now.
“I know you know. I know.” She has to know, it’s not like he makes it a secret. “But I just love you so much. You are so important to me. I would never leave you and I never want you to leave me.”
When he still doesn’t get her eyes, he uses his free hand to tilt her chin up and they’re so close. They’re so, so close. “Mckenna, please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
this moment here has gone from bad to worse; bad being the bleeding lip, and worse being the feeling she has now. even though mckenna hears him protesting her outburst, it’s like she hears him through the static of a television set because every thought she has now is abel in a casket, abel bloodied in a ditch, abel gone for good. it’s left her with weights upon her shoulders, defeat in her furrowed brow.
he lifts her up, but it is not enough because she is not enough. when has mckenna kim ever been enough to stop abel min? ( never, probably. she is only just a girl. ) her wishes that abel would not return with violent scratches and bloodied teeth are not enough, neither are all the prayers that he’ll stay safe or the hopes that the next time she’ll see him he’s unburdened. she’s not sure why abel is always so angry, but it hurts her to her very core because she is not enough to stop it.
“ i love you, too.” her reply doesn’t carry the same meaning, nor the same weight - abel knows well that she has someone else in her heart, so whatever love she has for him is .. different. and she expects that his is different too, and that’s why it’s so easy for her to say it back, to pour her heart on him in automatics. their love is not quite the same, but that’s not something mckenna knows. ( she pretends that everything they don’t talk about isn’t a hint to something more that she’s too afraid to see. ) “ but please don’t say anything like that to me ever again.”
mckenna attempts to be as careful as she can when she touches his busted lip, but abel seems determined to make her understand something and she still can’t even look him in the eye. “ i know you have, but -” why did you say it. “ you make it hard to believe that one day, you won’t be here. the only time i see you anymore lately is if you’re cut or bleeding.”
and she still finds it hard to look him in the eye. maybe if things were different, she’d be able to stop him. to stop the flow of time's river and change it to another course.
fingers clench the towel in her hand tight when abel lifts her chin, and mckenna can’t help but look at him now. in his face, she sees all the pain of swelling bruises and busted lips, but beyond that is a desperation that she cannot quite understand. when she opens her mouth to speak, there’s so little space between them that it would seem like she’d be shouting if she spoke in more than the whisper her voice comes out as. “ i’m not going to leave you, abel. i promise.” she bites her lip. “ you don’t have to be afraid.”
‘ I WANT THE K ’ * number fourteen : a kiss along the hipsSTATUS: NOT ACCEPTING triggers apply: nsfw, self blame, self loathing
erase him.
there are parts of herself that mckenna can’t wipe clean. perhaps like anyone else, she carries remnants of people and places and times she’d rather forget still etched into her skin with her where she goes. but more importantly, there is that one moment still with her, now forever: a flurry of fingertips and gasping breath in summertime and it’s now a memory that mckenna regrets, constantly feels sick to her stomach over. he is truly a mark she’ll never be rid of. ( mckenna feels dirty. she wants to erase him. )
and so she takes to the baths. when scalding hot water taints her skin and makes it cherry red, when she scrubs with her nails and weeps enough tears that she could have filled an ocean twice - mckenna thinks that maybe then, she might have succeeded. with the water that drains in the pipes, surely he’ll be gone and her skin stripped new, bare - innocent. maybe all her summers were just bad dreams and nothing more. maybe last summer never happened.
such is wishful thinking.
when one foot steps out onto the tiled floor, mckenna knows she’s failed. though her skin is tainted by abusive heat, light scratches of her nails digging into her flesh, he hasn’t slipped away into the drainpipes because he’s still there with her - in her. it’s almost funny how such a once happy memory could turn to one of shame as soon as she looks down upon her naked curves and sees every part of her he’s touched. it’s a torture unlike any other, to know she’s damaged goods - to know that it was just so easy, her body. a tool of convenience to his hormones, because her heart was willing to give him anything and everything. ( oh, the regrets sing to her now. )
mckenna puts on clothes to hide her shame. as if putting on her school robes will change the summer’s momentary passion, they become a second skin to hide behind. to pretend. but still, she tries to think of ways to go back - even if mckenna, in all her clever glory, knows well that it’s impossible. not even a time turner could fix this.
when she walks the halls, her eyes are blank and she doesn’t even notice abel coming. but he sees her: he always does. and his eyes pick up on everything, how she’s holding herself together in the way she hugs her arms to her chest, the red of her skin from water that was surely too hot to be comfortable.
for mckenna, abel is concerned. for mckenna, he’d do anything.
she only knows he’s there when his hand grabs for hers gently, and immediately she tries to smile. but instead, he slides up the sleeves of her robes to reveal the scratches of her fingernails from the washing, the burn of hot water on her skin. “ princess, what did you do?” he asks her and there’s a point to his words that jabs in her like a knife. mckenna winces and can’t meet his eyes, not really. she’s hanging on by a thread, or abel’s hand, and at the moment she’s not sure which is which anymore.
“ i want to erase him.” she mumbles to a wall, to the floor, to anything that would listen - but she does not say this to abel’s face. somewhere inside, mckenna knows if she admits this to him point blank, abel would find a way to deal with the situation .. permanently. she still hides behind a veil of feigned naivety to hide the fact she knows.
but abel has a heart and it only beats for her. that’s why they have so many things that they don’t talk about.
“ can you help me?” her words are barely a whisper and she’s clutching onto his robes now, eyes afraid but still - abel is a last hope. he is her last hope. maybe if it’s by his hand, she’ll forget the one who came before. even though she’s afraid of what comes next, what comes after, if she’d really feel whole again or not - at the very least, she is not afraid of abel min. she is not afraid to ask him for this favour.
and because it’s mckenna, abel obliges.
things are different than in the summer. the way her body quivers when he unfastens her robes is more out of fear and shame than anything else - apology, that she’s asking him to do this. but he quiets her with a kiss to her temple, and it’s like this that mckenna is reminded that abel has a heart that he shows to her, and that no one else understands. it doesn’t stop the trembling, but at least she can meet his eyes.
he’s gentle with her, and mckenna hates it. because she doesn’t deserve it, the way his fingers slip graze her shoulder when he slips off her shirt - the way he too, is trembling, but probably not from the fears she feels. no, she doesn’t deserve to feel his gracious hands when she’s asking him this out of selfishness and hatred of herself. “ please don’t look at me like that.” she whispers finally, her arms crossing over her chest as she looks down. i can’t bear it.
“ like what?” he mumbles, a finger trailing down along her arms. it raises goosebumps on her flesh, and she has to pretend that her heart doesn’t tremble or that she doesn’t feel an urge to open herself wide for him. like that. she thinks with eyes that cautiously raise to meet his. “ you’re so pretty.” abel has her heart in her throat and she’s worried that if he says anything else, he’ll pull it right out to hold it in his hand. ( she’s afraid of what he’ll do with it if he does. after all, she’s already done this once before. )
to make him stop, she drops her arms and gets on her toes, silences him with a kiss. flesh to flesh, heartbeat to heartbeat - clumsy fingertips and a thrilling hope that this will, in fact, work. abel holds her like he’s afraid she’ll slip from his arms, and mckenna curls into his embrace because she wants to feel his warmth. he only pulls away for a fraction of a second - to look at her, bare and he looks so tortured that mckenna thinks that maybe she shouldn’t have asked him this at all.
instead, he surprises her. “ promise me you won’t do this anymore, princess.” he’s talking about the violent red of her skin, the small scratches on her belly and her arms. it’s like abel’s taking it all in now that she’s bared herself, and the pain etched into his features is enough to make her tear up. apologies fumble from her lips and he quiets her with a kiss to her forehead. “ just promise me.”
“ i promise.” mckenna’s voice is weak, choked - because the flowers that someone else grew inside of her are dying and instead, abel’s are taking their place. ( she hates this too, because this will probably be another thing that they just don’t talk about. )
but she doesn’t want this to be something he’ll forget. she wants to be a memory he tucks away and remembers when he looks at himself, just as she’ll remember when she looks down at her naked body. his eyes widen when she lowers herself to her knees - “ mckenna, you don’t -”
she looks up at him with a stare that tells him not to speak, and leans forward to leave her mark in the jut of his hip - so when he looks down, he won’t forget.
I am no one; I am nothing. I am a blank paper on which you and your magic wrote a girl. Just the kind of girl you wanted, all hungry and hurt and needing. A machine for loving you. Nothing in me was not made by you… That’s my whole life you’ve bent in your hands. What could I have grown up to be? What kind of human woman, what kind of simple, happy thing? If I had never been broken on a bird’s wing. If I had never seen the world naked. I want to be myself again… I want to stop knowing everything I know.
“You make a valid point.” He chuckles a little, giving her hand a squeeze right back. “But I am fine.” For the most part– things were starting to hurt as the adrenaline from the fight began to fade.
The empty bathroom put his entire focus on Mckenna– as if it wasn’t already. He can feel the worry rolling off her and he felt a twinge of guilt. He didn’t want to make her worry as much as he did, he just couldn’t help it.
The cocky nature drops out of his voice as he follows her with a few steps. Abel ever wants to be too far from Mckenna if she’s in the same room. Everyone knows that she’s his calming factor. The only one who manages to ‘soothe the beast’ so to speak.
“Don’t worry about me, please.” He didn’t want to be the reason for her upset. That was the last thing he wanted.
The water breaks the momentary silence as he stands there, watching her and digesting her words.
A day without her is a day with no point– Abel wouldn’t be able to make it without her. He loved her too much, even if she saw it as a different sort of love. He loved her so much that he would deal with being the best friend, as long as she was in his life.
“Mckenna, I–” But sometimes things almost slip out. Abel crossed the distance, hand reaching out for her before he stops himself, almost too abruptly.
Watch it.
Swallowing his words quickly he covers with, “Without you, I’d probably be fighting worse. You’re the only reason that I don’t get too messed up. What would you do if I picked the wrong fight, huh? What would you do if I went and got myself killed?”
He didn’t want to even think about the heartbreak she would feel.
“I would never– I still have things to tell you, like how much I–”
Watch it.
“How much I appreciate you.”
she doesn’t bother to answer him if only because she knows there’s really no point. it’s a circle that would keep turning all day - she’d insist he’s hurting, he’d assure he’s fine. it’s in this way that mckenna and abel are a mess of contradictions, opposites. if he is smiling, she frowns; if he throws angry fists, she is a blanket of love. and yet somehow, still, they connect - a strange sense of magnetism, a dark to light. mckenna would be lying if she said she didn’t find a sort of balance in them.
all focus is spent on the washcloth in her hands because mckenna doesn’t trust herself to even look up into the mirror and look behind her. abel is close, and she can hear the change in his voice and this is the part of him that she thinks that no one else understands. abel has a heart in him that no one looks for, but one that she can easily see. “ you make it hard, abel.” she mutters to the sound of water, hoping her words are drowned by it.
and he does. their time together is always coloured by purple bruises, bloodied knuckles. if this is taking care of him, then she wishes there was something more. something else. a moment where her smile wouldn’t fall just by taking in the sight of him - mckenna thinks that things were easier when they were children. at least then, the cuts and scrapes she’d make better were from trees. ( at least, that’s what she was told. )
a sigh escapes her and she turns off the faucet, wringing out the washcloth in her hand while listening to him speak. but abel makes her blood run cold and she whirls around with shock, hurt, betrayal in her eyes of the highest degree. the wet towel in her hand is balled up and thrown at his chest with a force of frustration she doesn’t often feel. she doesn’t even make a move to pick it up off the floor because mckenna is too busy trying to hold back tears and maybe even the shake in her voice. ( she fails, on both accounts. ) “ what would i do? what would i do? don’t you know i’d -” bring you back.
she clamps her lips shut. better not say something like that in hogwarts.
that’s too close to dark arts.
“ are you really threatening me, abel?” she finally asks, her voice cracking and giving way to a tear she wipes angrily with the back of her hand. “ you might be a slytherin but i thought you of all people would be the last to use my fears against me.” a last look of betrayal thrown and then mckenna is turning back to the sink, grabbing a new towel and running water. again.
in the very same breath that he breaks her down, he builds her back up again but she cannot make the heated stone that sits in her throat go away. appreciation. mckenna cracks a disbelieving smile because what she does is not enough to make him stop. but finally, finally - she turns back to him and this time, the towel gently wipes away at blood that dribbles down his chin with eyes that are carefully not looking into his. “ you don’t have to tell me something i already know.”
it’s almost silly how much his chest clenches at the mention of that name and rowoon does what he can to hide the shift in his facial expression. yet unsurprisingly enough, he’d more or less already had an idea. he nods his head slowly, feels a little as though something is stuck in his gut but does what he can to ignore it.
truth be told it makes him mad –– how someone could cause mckenna as much sorrow as this. at the back of his mind he’s promised her a million times that he’d treat her better ( he believes that he’s already doing so ). “ah,” is all that leaves his lips. the words, him again, hanging thin in the air.
“i’ll keep you company,” he manages to say. he takes a seat right next to her, soft sigh leaving his lips as he does so. and his heart pangs a little while looking at her, wonders if it’s normal to hurt this much for another person.
he knows better than to ask where rian might’ve went, so instead he hopes that his presence beside mckenna can give her some form of comfort. “rian’s being a big idiot today isn’t he?” he says, shaking his head and resting his chin against his palm.
“leaving the prettiest girl tonight all alone,” at this he turns to mckenna and there’s no huge flare in his voice, it is in it’s essence, genuine. mckenna is, in rowoon’s eyes, the prettiest girl he’d seen. both inside and out, her soft heart had always been what captured his own first.
rowoon can’t keep his emotions in check and the first thing that mckenna wants to do about it is apologize. surely he’s tired by now of hearing rian’s name on her lips; if she were anyone else, she probably would be too. she practically hears the words left unsaid hanging in the air - him again? again? the problem is, mckenna let a boy become the center of her world and that’s something a girl should never do - but she can hardly stop. all she can do is allow her eyes to lower and mumble an apology through a tired sigh.
all that she feels lately is tired. the sad thing? the school year only just started.
“ you really don’t have to do that -” she’s seen him with other people all night long, constantly dancing in the corners of her vision like light through the water she drowns in. still, mckenna would appreciate his company; appreciates the way he sits down heavily next to her even more. it’s like he’s laying himself down to make her believe he won’t be budged. ( in this way, she’s reminded that rowoon is always there when rian isn’t. )
still, she doesn’t want to make him feel like he has to stay - after all, this is a party. it should be fun, and mckenna is ever reminded that she is .. not. “ .. really.” her voice is small this time when she speaks, because the inner conflict of her begging him not to go versus the idea that she wants him to have a good time are at war.
she finds that she appreciates him more than words can say.
but mckenna’s almost tempted to say rian isn’t an idiot - even now, all she wants to do is defend him. rowoon though, probably senses this and doesn’t give her the chance to voice her thoughts. instead, he plunges her in cold water and waits for a reaction. “ .. what?” suddenly, the world is upside down and mckenna is left with heated cheeks, roses blooming at the sound of his words as if he is the april rain and she is the seed trying to grow. the compliment shocks her into a smile and a disbelieving laugh; it is one of confusion, of appreciation. is it strange? to feel a flutter just from a compliment like that - maybe she really is attention starved.
or maybe she just really does want to feel like the prettiest girl in the room.
the look on rowoon’s face suggests mckenna should believe him, and she isn’t really sure why that leaves her short of breath. “ don’t be silly..” she mumbles finally, pulling her eyes away from his stare. “ i don’t think you’re looking around enough.”
surely it’s her imagination, but for a moment mckenna thinks she only saw herself in rowoon’s eyes ( how thrilling. how terrifying. )
“I can be fine and bleeding.” He attempted to argue, not able to help the fond little grin that grew on his lips. Merlin, he loved when Mckenna gave him even the slightest attention. This was great, you know, despite the injuries.
Her touch is so soft, just like her and he doesn’t have any problem ignoring the looks they get– the looks they always get when they’re seen together. No one can quite ever believe how gentle he is with this girl and frankly, either is he sometimes.
“It was a legit topic, alright.” It wasn’t truthfully. He was causing a ruckus, being a problem, all the things he usually is and this Gryffindor simply didn’t know how to ignore him– never quite learned that skill. “He deserved it. I just didn’t expect him to have such a mean swing.”
He looked like a scrawny guy, but Abel was sorely mistaken.
“Who else would I go to? I know you’ll always take care of me, just like I take care of you.”
At least, Abel always tried his hardest to do just that.
“Don’t worry about me. Just patch me up when I need it and I’ll go on taking care of you.” Abel is nowhere near as cautious as she is– no stranger to girls bathrooms for a variety of reasons, and no stranger to this bathroom, because of this very reason.
“ that is absolutely a contradiction.” she retorts, her look reproachful even when she sees the smile affectionate on his lips. “ if you’re bleeding, you’re not fine. if you’re fine, you’re not bleeding. i thought most people understood this -” mckenna pauses, biting her lip. abel is the only one who’s ever made her talk so much, if only out of worry. maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for too long, maybe it’s because he’s a branch of family that’s not related by blood but there’s always a sense of comfort around him she rarely feels with anyone else.
it helps her to see past the looks that they get in the halls when abel’s holding her hand.
her eyes hold a tinge of curiosity but with abel, sometimes it’s better not to ask - especially if she knows that she won’t get a straight answer. “ there’s no real reason to throw fists.” mckenna finally says, tightening her hold on his hand. “ what happens if -” she stops. it’s an unlikely scenario: the idea of her not being there to help him tend to his battle wounds. instead, she backtracks with another more likely thought. “ if they’re stronger than you?” it’s bound to happen one day. abel picks his battles well for now, but one day he might not be so lucky. ( she loathes to think of just when that day will come. )
the door closes behind them and it sounds like abel’s voice echoes in the empty bathroom - a reminder that mckenna’s not alone, a reminder of their equivalent exchange. but she’s looking at his bloody lips, his bloody teeth, his already blackening eye and the more quiet part in her speaks up. “ if i asked you to stop taking care of me, you wouldn’t have anyone to patch you up so .. would it stop your fighting?” her eyes are still on the blood of his lips, hand falling out of his as she backs up toward the sink. “ if it would, then i’d do it.”
she turns toward the porcelain basin and starts to run water over a washcloth, a way to hide the storm that’s clouding her eyes. “ i’d do it happily.”
a lie if she’s ever told one, but abel to her comes first.
it’s not like he isn’t sociable. if anything, rowoon prides himself in having a dynamic group of friends ( even if the premise of their friendship is questionable ). the party itself isn’t too much of a bore –– rowoon has himself interacting with a few other ravenclaws, drink in hand and smile etched across his face.
the night feels young yet he’s hardly giddy; the alcohol not exactly doing it’s job. gulping down another cup, he spots the girl not too far off. it’s a little hard not to see her really, especially when for the last few weeks, she’d been encircling his mind. his heart clenches up a little out of instinct and he has to take another sip of his drink.
“sorry,” he says, “i’ll be right back,” and with that he excuses himself from his group of friends, his own two feet bringing him towards the girl he’d caught sight of just moments ago. the tightness in his chest isn’t unfamiliar by now but it is unwelcomed.
“mckenna,” he calls out, and his hand gently reaches for the shoulder. “you alright?”
even though mckenna is not gifted in the art of divination, it’s like she almost knows that rian won’t return to her side for the rest of the night. but this is something typical; it can be seen even without peering behind the veils of time to take a glimpse into the near future. he is a boy that always has love in his eyes, and his affections are always momentary. in this way, rian shin always leaves the girl alone, and mckenna is left with a winter body frozen.
the party is still in its earlier stages and though mckenna feels the urge to leave, some part of her tells her to stay. maybe it’s because it’s impolite to slip out of a room unnoticed when everyone else is having fun, or it could just be she doesn’t trust herself not to walk out of this room of requirements without tears threatening to pour from her eyes. but because mckenna doesn’t leave, the only option left to her is sitting on the couch with her knees to her chest, arms tightly wrapped around her legs. in this way, she zones out and stares out into the crowd of her classmates having fun ( she hasn’t yet felt more withdrawn than now. )
it seems that rowoon is a light. to mckenna, when her world is dark somehow rowoon manages to slip in through the cracks unnoticed to fill up the midnight of her winter world with sunlight. even now, he manages to pull her from the blank of her mind only to look at him with wide eyes. “ oh .. rowoon.” her smile is stiff as it sits on her lips, small and an attempt to be inviting even though it probably looks more hurt than a welcome. ( it’s a fact that rowoon is always there when rian isn’t. ) “ rian .. hasn’t come back yet.” she mumbles finally, eyes casting down and back to the couch. “ i’m just waiting is all.”
No one could ever affect him quite like Mckenna. Everything about her, her voice, the touch of her hand, the worried look on her face- one he’s become so accustomed to seeing.
“It was nothing.” It was the usual for him. Sometimes, it felt as if he was just itching to get in a fight so she would fuss over him, just for a moment. “It’s nothing to worry about– just got in a little fight. No big deal. No one eve got in any trouble.” That was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that.
He reached for her hand, his were already bruised and beaten up so what would a little blood matter. “I’m fine.” For the most part. Gentle fingers, much gentler than anyone could have thought possible of Abel, he uncurled her hand and slotting his fingers with her. “But it’s nice when you worry about me.”
If only it could be only him.
Pushing himself off the desk, he stood straight and gave her hand a little squeeze. “See, not even dizzy or anything.”
He’s taken worse beatings. This was just a busted lip and maybe a black eye if he was on the less lucky side of things. Nothing to get too worked up about, but he always felt a little more than special when she did. “Lead the way, princess.”
she gives him a look that tells him she doesn’t believe his lie - begs him, almost, not to. if it was nothing, abel wouldn’t be at her side with a bloodied grin and mckenna wouldn’t be staving off anxiety in her worry for him. “ you know this is why everyone has the wrong idea about you.” she tucks hair back behind her ear and peers into his eyes, just to make sure that they’re focused - alert. “ what was it about this time?”
there is some relief in her at least, when she hears that there was no trouble to be had. everyone already has the wrong conception of abel, that he is someone that he isn’t. mckenna knows him to be kind, gentle; a breath of fresh air when she finds herself struggling to breathe. he’s been her friend for as long as she can remember, but even she wonders what in him makes him so unhappy that he feels the need to fight to make it through.
“ if you were fine, you wouldn’t be bleeding.” she mumbles finally, half tempted to pull away her hand because it’s dirty with his blood, but mckenna finds she needs his comfort, too. “ why do you think i’m worried about you, abel? no one else comes to me when they’re broken.” her eyes linger on the way he gently eases her hand out of its fist, and when their fingers are threaded together ( as she thinks they will forever be ), she gently grazes her thumb against the length of his.
she doesn’t say much along the way, just keeps his hand locked in hers and gets on her toes to check the halls - just to be sure no one notices she’s sneaking a boy into the girl’s restroom... even if it wouldn’t be the first time, considering abel’s terrible habit. “ i hope myrtle isn’t loud today.” she mumbles as she enters. “ you’re already enough to worry over.”
The library is somewhere that Abel never went. In fact, the few times he has entered the library, there were whispers about it for days.
But really, he only had one reason to go into the library– and it wasn’t to drip blood on all the books and desks like he was doing.
Dammit, his lip was busted for sure.
His hands were going to be bruised (when aren’t they) and his knuckles were all scraped up– probably from hitting the ground. That Gryffindor had quite the arm. Dammit.
But he knew she was in here and he knew that she was the only one who cared enough– and didn’t harbor a hatred and/or fear for him, to take care of him, because even the reckless Abel Min needed that sometimes.
Sometimes. And only at the hand of a certain ravenclaw.
“Aha–ouch.” His voice was loud in the quiet shelves, but he didn’t care as he plopped a seat on the desk next to her, flashing her a blood smile. “Hey, buttercup. Can I ask you for some help?”
the library is one of the few places in hogwarts that feels like home to her. everywhere else, she feels a bit like the ghosts that she befriends, and maybe that’s why mckenna is overlooked so often in her little corner surrounded by ancient tomes and magic histories. it’s easy to make herself small in the library, to let herself be willingly overlooked whereas in the outside world - when she wants to be looked at, to be recognized, everyone that matters ignores her.
and so mckenna flips a page, only for drops of blood to form among the words like poppy flowers blooming.
her first thought is a nosebleed, a practical joke, then the restricted section - all of this in the span of mere seconds before noticing abel min has somehow slipped his way in beside her before he speaks. but the familiarity of the situation and then, the sound of abel’s voice close to her calling her ‘buttercup’ makes mckenna look up from the book in concern and directly into abel’s beaten face. she starts with a smile because only he is the kind of person who would use a sweet name like buttercup for someone like her, but -
she stops dead at seeing his beaten face. “ abel -” her voice comes louder than she means for it to when she jolts up from her seat, ignoring the eyes that are thrown their way. her face is painted in shades of worry and disapproval as she steps closer to inspect the damage. “ what did you do this time?” when she reaches out to wipe away the blood that threatens to fall onto his robes with her hands, they are gentle, knowing.
mckenna is used to her fingertips being stained red when she touches him.
the concern doesn’t melt from her eyes as mckenna allows her hand to fall, balled up into a fist at her side. ( she’d never let him hold her dirtied hand, because he deserves so much more than that. ) instead, a sigh; instead, worry - “ i don’t have anything here to -” she mumbles, wondering how he can smile through a face full of pain. “ can you walk? i can help you clean up in myrtle’s bathroom.”
