Going through my timeline from 2019 before I got contacted by Ferly to draw Dark Song for SSO. The year before I had started riding and drawing horses again, after a 15 year break. And it was the best decision I could’ve made.
I don’t talk about this often, but there was a gap of around 2 years when I didn’t draw much at all. The reason for this was relentless harassing and bullying that I was subject to both online and irl. It was in 2009 when I moved to UK and stopped drawing completely because of it.
I picked it up again in 2011 and worked hard in the hopes someone would notice. All my applications for any sort of grants, sponsors, agents and affiliation programs got either rejected or ignored. It was demoralising. I had an on off relationship with art and I hated doing Tistow at times and at times I felt mad for picking it up from where I left off.
2018 I started riding again.
It started with Wizard. A Welsh D gelding that I went to see and who week later got sold. The whole thing fell flat. But I kept trying. I found other horses and made friends to help them with theirs. The same thing happened with my art, I kept trying. Horses helped.
There were Tink and Dolly, there was Manny and Sunny. Lots of foals.
There was Jack and his horses in Tistow. Then there was Gracie. I loaned her for two years and she was the closest I came to owning a horse.
The whole time I worked on odd jobs, indie comic projects (that I loved and still do), a horrendous IT job and trying to push Tistow out there at the same time, desperately hoping someone would hire me to work on comics for them long term and trying to pay my bills at the same time.
Then in 2019, I got a message from Ferly asking me if I’d like to work on a project for Star Stable. I went to meet the team in December the same year and I’ve not been happier since.
I got to draw Dark Song, I’ve been given the opportunity to work with writers on short comics, I’ve been able to even write my own and draw horses and comics as my dayjob. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve gone from an anxious, miserable, depressed mess to a much more confident, happy, hopeful mess.
I’ve heard some folk say they think I -got- lucky in landing such a fantastic opportunity, that I don’t deserve it or that my work isn’t good enough, not interesting enough. I’ve heard it all before and it used to shatter my confidence completely.
Put it this way, I missed the first messages from Ferly because my email address got borked and nearly missed out on working for SSO at all. Huge thank you to them for reaching out to me via a different channel much later to try again.
The really unfair thing about this industry is, some of it still comes down to luck. It took me nearly 10 years to get to the point where I am now. It’s hard, it’s demoralising, it’s heartbreaking. But it also lifts your spirits and spurs you on to continue.
Anger is also an excellent tool to harness when things feel particularly hard.
But don’t take it out on other people. Pick up a pen and draw or write.
Harness your fury, make your own luck. You’ll get there.
germansingergirl
blakekathryn
2087
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
