Two Madames

Two Poems a Day by Two Girls Far Away.

[scarlettsage]

When?

When are you back?

You have been gone too long!

I am forgetting what its like to whatsapp each other our deepest secrets

There is a special glittery essence thats been missing

Voicenotes that make me smile so bright

Long messages of hearts poured out

Photos of new outfits

And gifts

And letters sent and received

I have no idea when you might return

So that day will be a grand surprise

I almost have a feeling it might be this weekend

Which is funny

Because then I will be off the grid at Camp

Swapping places

Little hearts called out to the wild

I am ready to see your face again

Cuddled up to my screen

For hours and hours and hours

Lets make a day of it

Me and you

I can’t wait to see you in the flesh

Very soon

October couldn’t come quicker

[scarlettsage]

YOLO

You only live once

So while I have the time I am going to travel to Ireland for two weeks

And buy a house outside of the city

And start fresh

This is the year of YES

Doing the things I actually say I want to do

Stepping into the fear and showing it who’s boss

This is the year to continue my healing journey

To continue to step into my power and to empower others

To find work that satisfies my many cravings

To create everyday

To fall deeper in love with Rich

To allow the love to blow me open

To allow the divine in fully to guide the course of my life

Everything is possible during the year of YES

Watch as the waves of change roll in and out

I can’t wait to wake up on the other side

First stop, Dublin!

[scarlettsage]

Questions

I learned tonight that I can surrender my questions to god and god will answer

It seems silly to say

Obvious in fact

But it hit me like a ton of bricks

I don’t need to know the answer myself

I don’t need to figure things out

Calculate and reevaluate 

Scribble back and forth

I just need to be

Let go, let god, be easy

By morning I will know

In my heart not my head

What I need to do and whats best for me

It will all become clear

Because I asked

Listened

And recieved

[scarlettsage]

Away

And we will go

Across land and sea

To find one another

In the arms of each other

On the coasts of Ireland

Softened by the breeze

We will celebrate the years passing

And another year of life

And will explore the green together

Hand in hand

Day and night

We will stay at other peoples homes

And drive a car on the wrong side of the road

And take photos as we smile and laugh

Driving up and down the coast

We will likely eat potatoes

And drink a beer or two

We will skip and hop and lolly gag

Down paths and pastures

Skies of blue

We will learn about the ancestry

The land

The people

The history

We’ll find bits of ourselves missing

Pieced together by greens and waves

It will be two weeks of mystery

Exploring castles and graves

I was resistance to trips away

To time and money spent

But now I see the glory of it all

That memories must be made

Especially with my irish gent

[scarlettsage]

Lost

Some days I feel completely lost

What am I doing?

People ask me and its almost like I forget

Like the line between work and play and life is blurry

And everything mashes together into a juicy stew

I think its a trick

No one ever really knows 100% for sure that they are on the right path

There are always questions to be had

Remember the days when our grandparents and parents didn’t have to think so much about this things?

Maybe its a gift

We have a choice

Not everyone gets the opportunity in life to create their own path

To find their own way

What happens if I let myself be lost?

Burn my map

Sit down in the sand

Cry for awhile

Take in the world directly around me

Maybe thats when things become more clear

Maybe thats when I can finally notice the deep river in the distance that I want to get to

Maybe thats when my journey starts to make more sense

Maybe lost is a gift

A map without paper

A way to see off into the distance and find home

I am happy to be lost

[scarlettsage]

5 daughters

All under 11

Beautiful

Bright and shiny

With unique personalities and quirks

You are the sunshine

The light that reflects in your mothers eye

The tickle that inspires the silliest giggle from your little sister

The pony tail with curls

You are different from one another

One likes people

One likes books

One likes adventure

One likes frogs

You get along

At night you brush your teeth and get in to bed next to someone

Fighting over blankets and who gets to play with the pony

You settle in

And become sweet angels

As you drift away

The day slips off

And I feel like I’ve just run a marathon

[scarlettsage]

There was no note

My life coach asked me awhile back if I wanted to break up with Rich

She said that I had a choice

Learn to accept that he would be away

And how to survive and thrive in his absence

Or

Move on

Break up

Let go

Brutal

I knew the thought of moving up, breaking up and letting go made me feel sick to my stomach

Puke

I knew my heart was not ready for all those things

I wanted to make it work

I wanted to learn to accept

So she challenged me

“Lets make you a non-negotiable list”

A list of the things you need to feel safe, secure and loved when Rich is away

Great

#1. I need you to leave me a note, a card, an item of clothing, something to remind me that I am not being left alone, that you are coming back, that you love me, that I am okay on my own. It doesn’t have to large, or fancy or cost money. Its just the gesture. 

Rich- “Easy, I can do that, thats it? Thats all you need?”

“Yes”

“Okay, let me give you what you need”

Last night I came home to an empty house

No birds chirping

No suitcase in the middle of the kitchen

No Rich

and

No note

He had left and forgotten to leave something

Its happened before

This isn’t the first time

My heart shattered

The exact feelings that the note were suppose to prevent washed me over like a tidel wave

Abandoned

All alone

No one there for comfort

Nothing

Nothing but me and my shadow

Screaming at me so loud I couldn’t look away

And so I did

I found a small child there

Boy, she was sad

Frantic

Scared

Alone

I found her and I held her

She was afraid no one was ever coming back for her

I told her she was wrong

That I had never left and never will

And that together we could keep each other safe

And loved

And comforted

And then I realized

Maybe I don’t need the note

Maybe I can learn to trust

That Rich will come back

That he never leaves my heart and never will

That a silent empty house holds gifts

That can only be discovered on my own

[scarlettsage]

Missing

I think I missed a day of writing

It could have been two

But I will learn to let go and forgive and know that I wont ever be perfect

I miss you so

Your energy seems far away to me

Out in a forest or desert with yourself

Pondering

Wandering

Figuring things out

Its funny because I miss our talks

About meaningful things

And things that really matter

But every once and awhile I will see Ryan pop up on facebook

and I will write him

And it seems like that is the closest thing to talking to you

Right now

And he reminds me of camp

And reminds me to be grateful

And the power we all have

And reminds me that your coming back

So that I don’t ever forget

I do not know the date or time

But I can guess its farther away then I’d like to think

So I’ll take it day by day

Missing you but moving forward

Bringing your spirit into everything I do

A sprinkle of Buckwild

Or three

Or two

I’m missing you

[scarlettsage]

Diving, Diving, Dove

I dove head first in

Screaming out loud “fuck you fear”

Wet from head to toe

[scarlettsage]

Country Morning

Up early

My skin is dry from the sun and the heat

But its so quiet here

The birds whistle

The sun pours in the windows

The silence is so calming

I turn off my music to take even more of it in

Sitting still I will breathe in the birds

And prepare my heart

For another day

[scarlettsage]

Done

Today I got many things done

Accomplished

Wrapped up

And boy do I feel good about that

I am sitting here and its 10pm

I have coached many people

Sent emails

Created newsletters

Posted recipes

Signed on new clients

Started to outline a book

I have done everything the day called me to do

And I am proud of myself

I feel good

I am done

[scarlettsage]

Last night

Last night I didn’t write

Not because I wasn’t thinking about you

Or didn’t keep my word

But because life took me to my cottage

Under the trees with the breeze blowing through

I laid on the couch and watched an old movie

Sipped on a tiny glass of wine and ate some delicious chips

I read a book about intimacy

By Osho, so wise

I spent time with my Man

Taking him in

Not saying a word but being together

I grilled things on the bbq

Listened to the rain pour down

And slept where my parents sleep

In a cozy little nook light by the night sky

The moon was bright

And you were there

In my heart

You travelling warrior of light

You are

Magnificent

[scarlettsage]

Just a quick poem

Rich just arrived

All the way from spain

He is here and we will be together for at least a week

That is the only thing that truly matters in this moment

Togetherness that washes away all the distance

Love that never fully disappears even when disconnected

I am excited for this week

Swims and sunshine and time to read

Hammocks and watermelon and lots of kissing

I’ve waited 9 days

And one single moment with him looking in my eyes is all worth it

Togetherness at last

[scarlettsage]

Forecasting the Future

I will rear babies

I will move to the country

I will live my life

[scarlettsage]

Step by step by step: The Heroes Journey

The journey will be long

Torturous

Steamy

Hot

You will ache

You will break

You will come alive

You will thrive

Ripped open by the dirt

And the trails

You will get lost

You will go hungry

You will lose your mind

And come back to yourself 

Likely all in the same day

You will sleep on rocks

Clean yourself in small ponds

Build fires

And take in the stars

You will talk

Be quiet

Want to scream

Cry and be let down

You will add milage to your life

Each step signifying new life

New opportunities

New ground

Let yourself be supported 

All the family and friends

The earth

Let us hold you as you journey

Terry fox did it

One leg

And a shit ton of hope

Channel the heros

Find your inner hero

Be a hero to others

You are always a hero in my eyes

Walk with pride

Chest held high

This is your journey

Let the wind be your guide

Let the dust carry you home

Back to yourself

Sweet friend of my

Adventure queen

I’ll see you there

[scarlettsage]

2:22am

I opened the windows

to let the world in

to remind me it's there

just one pane of glass away

the wind

and the bushes

and the green grass where there used to be just dirt.

Growth and transformation

a quiet silence

a dignity to the trees

and the flowers

that wait without anxiety

for tomorrow to arrive. 

[scarlettsage]

Haiku

Searching for a mate

my intentions are now clear

i want to love deep.