When sex is practiced with mindfulness, the joy and enjoyment of it does not depend on the same parameters that seem important on the onset of a relationship. It is not affected by: Physical attractiveness; Levels of libido; Physical abilities; Mood; It is not even affected by the technique that enhances your pleasure.
It is affected by: Knowing what holds you back from enjoying pleasure; Knowing how to correctly address those issues; Communicating with your partner in way that serves your relationship; Your willingness to invest, explore and have fun.
What is meaningful/slow/mindful sex? I use these terms interchangeably, because at the end of the day, they all point to the same thing. It is sex that is done with awareness. Sex that is evolving beyond the realm of satisfying our biological urge, and is done with the intention of tuning into the most subtle sensations that we can feel in our body. As opposed to conventional sex, in which we try to amplify pleasure, in mindful sex we are focused on enhancing our innate ability to feel pleasure.
It is affected by: Knowing what holds you back from enjoying pleasure; Knowing how to correctly address those issues; Communicating with your partner in way that serves your relationship; Your willingness to invest, explore and have fun.
What is meaningful/slow/mindful sex? I use these terms interchangeably, because at the end of the day, they all point to the same thing. It is sex that is done with awareness. Sex that is evolving beyond the realm of satisfying our biological urge, and is done with the intention of tuning into the most subtle sensations that we can feel in our body. As opposed to conventional sex, in which we try to amplify pleasure, in mindful sex we are focused on enhancing our innate ability to feel pleasure.
Although there are plenty of differences between slow sex and conventional sex, I will only mention a few here. In conventional sex, the main focus is on achieving an orgasm, and the experience is judged by how good that orgasm was: its intensity, its duration, the number of orgasms in one session, or timing the orgasm with your partner. There’s an emphasis on excitement and novelty, which tend to trigger that “great orgasm” goal. In mindful sex, the main focus is on the quality of pleasure throughout the session. The techniques of achieving that pleasure are not as important (although there are definitely techniques that support that) as noticing the sensations in your body, the thoughts and feelings that emerge, and the connection between you and your partner. In order to stay focused at any given moment, movements need to be done very slowly, with intention and communication (hence the term Slow Sex). We actually try to keep the excitement to a bare minimum, so that we can notice the most subtle of sensations.
Needless to say, as the excitement is toned down, sex will most probably last a lot longer than conventional sex.
What about orgasms? Orgasms that arise through the practice of slow sex have a tendency to feel very different than the orgasms that happen through conventional sex. First, there’s no guarantee that they will arise at all. But, as the practice was so long and pleasurable the entire time - you most probably won’t feel like you’re missing out on anything. You will most probably be very pleased anyway. Second, the orgasms that do come - arise effortlessly. They are not called for or sought for - they simply unfold themselves. And they are sometimes described by people as so intense that they are on the verge of being unpleasurable.
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