no one's home

system persecutor vent blog. pd schizo moral-ocd bullshit. i'm an npc i have no soul i'm just lines of code. treat these posts like they're bot generated since they are in every way that matters

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this is a vent blog where i talk about how i've abused people and have no morals. i'm a bad person i made that clear from the jump that's why i'm here btw

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to not have needs or desires is a kind of privilege which is possible to abuse against yearners. i do not know what it feels like to want something so much it hurts. for me to say "no" is to inflict cruelty

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killing myself hours while sitting placidly in the living room & smiling on command so tomorrow nothing happened

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professional transandrophobia discourse opinion:

if you use the definition coined by whatever "detrans neo nazi" yall are talking about, then you are using a word by a detrans neo nazi and you need to own up to that. cant hide behind St cuz you got called out. if you don't use his definition you aint using his word.

And if you use St's version you shouldn't be held to the flames as if you used the other one.

Let's start thinking logically, and let's stop changing what the word means depending on your argumenr fml

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we don't need to prove the coiner of transandrophobia was a fascist terf no matter who it was. he coined transandrophobia

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at this point i'm on "why are you, a trans man, using the trans flag" i see a trans flag in someone's bio and feel kind of offput in a way i can't explain to see he/him after it

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on second thought i definitely don't have szpd as a quick scour of the szpd tag shows much of the posters on here with szpd tend to have dissociated concepts of other people's consciousness in comparison to their own and thus inherently detached from connection whereas i am the opposite, a person without a consciousness self-flagellating for imagining i could even attempt a connection with a conscious person

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i think i really am too delusional to be taken at my word. it is better for everyone to have someone else construct my reality for me, tell me who i am, tell others who i am, and tell me what is right and what is wrong

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whatever i have i think is the opposite of bpd because i really don't feel anything at all. it is very difficult to hurt me because my sense for pain is extremely dulled not just physically but emotionally. from what i have seen from people with bpd all emotions are intensified to 300% which makes it 3x more painful, emotionally, for them to interact with, well, someone like me. it also makes them kinder and more sensitive to the needs of others generally though so even the slightest peek under the surface will show you who is actually the villain of any situation and who actually deserves to be treated like they're unsafe

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i know i've never been hurt because the people i thought hurt me told me they hadn't. and i know that's true because their perception of reality is more reliable than mine. which i know is true because they told me that and their perception is more reliable than mine is so it must be a fact

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i am incapable of being physically abused because i am almost always stronger and more suited to manual labor than the other person i must be mindful that i am uniquely positioned to physically abuse people who cannot simply hide pain like i do and visibly feel it more intensely than me

i am incapable of being emotionally abused because i am almost always more detached and morally selfish than the other person i must be mindful that i am uniquely positioned to emotionally abuse people who are empathetic or emotionally sensitive

i am incapable of being verbally abused because i am almost always ruder in speech and harsher in tone than the other person i must be mindful that i am uniquely positioned to verbally abuse people who are reactive to patterns of speech i cannot perceive

being a threat to others means i cannot be threatened, i am positioned such that nothing done against me can really be considered harm but if i do harm i will not be, cannot be, redeemed. this is the reality i acknowledge

act with precise intention. live very carefully now

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no dude it's so cool how attached you are to that character who is singled out and ostracized due to the external monstrousness that clashes with their internal spark of humanity. and i love how drawn you are to themes of horror and love, nature versus nurture, otherness, isolation, and the abject. i bet you have normal feelings about your own personhood

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[guy whose worth as a living being has always been conditional on their ability to provide labor and carry baggage without anyone having to feel anything about it] i would say my love language is acts of service

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[guy whose entire life has been an utter void of genuine, meaningful human connection] i'm just kind of an introvert haha i don't really need a lot of social time

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world's first youngest son with eldest daughter syndrome

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just realized in my entire life i have never been taken care of and i always will be the one who takes care. forever. until i die. i must be very capable, to be given this responsibility. cause if i'm not then everyone else is kinda fucked eh

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"i am uniquely abhorrent my presence alone inflicts harm and it will always be impossible for me to add anything positive to the world in any way" ← this too is ego

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broke another friendship. not ended yet just visibly limping because of me and my personality as i am unbearable to be around. great moment for a first post

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yup it ended 👍 said they're scared in every conversation with me that i'm just going to end up making them feel worse and that i give absolutely nothing. self-awareness never saved anybody