I am about to graduate from grad school. I have earned a master’s degree through what is A LOT of blood, sweat, and tears. I have written a 120 page thesis. I have taught class after class after class. I have been in school for the past 18 years of my life. Barring summers, I have literally been sitting in a classroom straight for the past 18 years. And now I’m leaving. For good. I’m entering the real world of a career, house, bills, no homework, etc. I’m facing the reality of adulthood square-on. I have a lot of friends freaking out about it. They’re having pseudo-identity crises because they don’t know who they are outside of college, don’t want to leave the comfort zone, like the “college” lifestyle, etc. And believe me, I totally understand that. I, myself, have those moments too. But, to be honest, nothing about my life is the same anymore, so why not go through this transition too? I love being in college, and I love being in grad school. But to be honest, I’m over it. I’m SO done…I can’t even describe to you how done I am. I am thankful for my education, thankful for my degrees, thankful for the opportunity I’ve had to better my life and myself. But I’m over it. I am burnt out. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, holistically, mentally, and every other kind of –ally way. I need space and time away from all these craziness to just pull myself back together from a year that literally ripped myself in large sections and spit out the pieces. By far, this has been the hardest and most challenging year of my life. Not only was I in graduate school (which is way harder than undergrad), not only was I teaching consistently, working on a thesis, and taking classes, but my parents also separated and are divorcing, my sister had a baby (a VERY positive thing, but makes staying away from my sister even harder…), I’m job hunting, some friends coming in and out of my life, and a whole mess of crap more that I won’t go into. Now, you tell me: There’s no way someone can go through all that and remain sane….right? Because I certainly haven’t. I’m a little cray cray these days and I need a serious mental vacation. I honestly feel as if my spirit is broken, my heart has taken medical leave, and my mind is on spring break. There’s no whole Jeralyn right now. Not at all. There are bits and pieces of her floating around in this body from time-to-time, but overall…there’s not a whole lot of peace and tranquility. I’m doing whatever I have to to NOT work this summer. I will be traveling quite a bit, job hunting, and finding every excuse to bury my nose in a good book and some meditation. If this means I move all my crap back home and become a vagabond --- I am prepared to do so. I think there isn’t someone out there who has a right to tell me how I should fix myself right now. You know, you really can’t judge people until you walk in their shoes – and seeing as how no one will probably ever be able to walk in my shoes, then I don’t need the judgment. I know I have to get myself right. I have to get my mind ready for the fall when I will face a classroom full of eager students ready to learn (or bored teenagers falling asleep) and I have to be ready to put my heart back out there to try to get them excited about English. I won’t be able to do that fully unless I can find myself again. While there is a long list of things I’m going to focus on this summer and try to accomplish, here are some other things occupying my mind: · Develop a daily (or every other day) habit of meditation and yoga. I stress a lot – and I’m in my head most of the time. I don’t have a good spiritual outlet for my negative energies and I know that I need to allow myself to have one. Yoga is a great physical manifestation of forcing that energy out, and allowing good energy to come in and cleanse me. In the summer, it would be nice if I could buy myself a cheap little mat and find a tranquil place to do this as a regular routine. · Cook! Cooking brings me a lot of comfort and peace. It allows me to stay in the moment and not stress about the future. I also feel immediate success and accomplishment by creating something tasty to eat for my loved ones. I want to branch out and try new recipes, cook for more of my friends and family, try my hand at more gluten-free things (like pizza crust!), and generally be in the kitchen more and more. · Travelling is at the top of my list this summer as far as priorities go. I have plans to travel extensively, even if it means crashing on distant friends’ of friends of friends floors. I have already decided that if I’m imposing on people, I’ll tell them that I’ll go out and buy ingredients to make them a bangin meal and all will be well. I know a lot of great people in exciting places and need to take advantage of it. TUMBLR FRIENDS: LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. J · Catch up on my reading. Finally. I have SO many books I want to read, I can’t even tell you. I’m going to pick the best ones and focus on those. · Catch up on my blogging. My blogging as seriously fell short this year, for a LOT of reasons and I tend to remedy that this summer and get back into a routine of posting. · I also have another blog venture I may be getting myself involved in… · Buy trashy magazines, make tasty margaritas, and sit by the pool in a bikini. · WORKOUT SO I CAN COMFORTABLY WEAR SAID BIKINI. My workout routine does not exist. This year has been terrible. Working out was my last priority, and I need to make it one of my first priorities. I tend to visit the gym often, do some p90x, maybe get involved in a few dance classes here and there as funds allow, do easy at-home routines found on pinterest, swim laps in the plentiful summer pools around here, and when all else fails, at least take a walk in the cool evenings. My body wants to be active and I need to get it back to a place that feels comfortable for me. · Shop goodwill to find those cool pieces everyone else seems to find all the time. New goal: goodwill hunting! Haha……oh gosh, I need a vacation · Get a new piercing (or two)…probably nothing too exciting. Probably just my second lobe holes on my ears. · Learn how to sew ;) · Watch some documentaries….i feel very behind. Any suggestions? · Do some creative art projects! Like crayon melting, tye-dye, etc. all the good things you see on pinterest. Yeah…I’m going to do those, not just put them on pinterest. I’m also going to attempt at ombre-tye dye as well. We’ll see how that goes……. · Make frequent trips to the farmer’s markets and roadside stands for the best produce the valley has to offer. · And finally, simply relax. Take the time to watch movies all day if that’s what I want to do. Go to the pool and read a good book, catch up with friends, or simply take a nap. Work on my lesson plans for the fall. Gather teacher materials and decorations for my classroom. Cook and eat downtown al fresco. Take walks in the evenings when the crickets and cicadas are making their summer tunes. Visit my sister as often as possible. In summary, simply take time to emotionally and mentally heal from a year that has pushed me beyond my limits. While I am one week away from this starting, the reflection of the year is beginning – and I perhaps hate that the most. I don’t like to have to think about everything that’s happened…I want to move forward and grow. I want my life to change and to morph into something other than a conversation piece or the center of drama and pain. Our lives our energy fields and centers…and I feel as if my energy field has been a magnet for pain, destruction, and change. I feel like it needs to change into one that attracts beauty, peace, love, tranquility, hope, and kindness. That’s what my life was before…and I just want it back.
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