sirens

sometimes i think of letting go and never looking back and never moving forward so there'd never be a past read before following he/him. personal blog. bipolar ii & schizoid personality disorder. i reblog & post a lot relevant to that. sun in gemini, mercury in taurus, rising scorpio. the final effect is an overall experience of everything having come to a stop. nothing moves; nothing is alive; everything is dead, including the self. the self by its detachment is precluded from a full experience of realness and aliveness.

[schizoidie]

you know when you’re trying so hard to recover, you’re on meds and compliant, you’re in therapy and completing all the “homework,” and nothing is changing? big mood

[schizoidie]

this is still a mood btw lol

[tellmybodyidied]

[especially]

[outcastsuggestion]

i always feel like im the only one who doesn’t have their shit together, like everyone else around has goals and aspirations they’re willing to pursue but for me my future seems questionable and not even real

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“You have nothing to hold on to.”

— Alice Notley, from “In The Pines,” originally published c. January 2007

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“You are strong; I was, I no longer am. I’m very much letting go of the world.”

— Gabriela Mistral, from a letter to Victoria Ocampo wr. c. September 1951

[heartrate]

“I can describe it as a pain in the head, some central point, a wound which, somehow, had always been there — something slowly and steadily deforming all hope in me.”

— Anne Sexton, from A Self-Portrait in Letters (via watchoutforintellect)

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“I have a pain inside me, and I don’t feel very well.”

— W. H. Auden, from The Selected Poems; “Miss Gee,” written c. August 1953

[schizoidie]

“I wouldn’t call this a life anymore. I just exist and wait for the end.”

— (via to-be-far-away)

[niceoutsidenothinginside]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Clap yo’ mofucking hands, if you don’t think you’ll live to 35 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻, clap again if you don’t even want to👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.

[schizoidie]

i really cannot do this i. cannot

[colettesphotos-blog]

[bitterdollie]

I don’t feel like a real person. I just feel like a collection of what people want me to be and various mental disorders.

[schizoidie]

literally starting to think therapy is making things worse

[emilydb]

[schizoidie]

i'm trying to stick it out and be compliant with treatment! but i can't imagine this regimen doing any good long term!

[schizoidie]

i wish my psychiatrist did like talk therapy or cbt or some shit too bc i'm at the point now where i trust him implicitly and i can't imagine getting to that point with my current therapist which is probably bad.