[bitterdollie]

cant believe im back on this blog. kid me was a little shit sometimes but he didnt deserve the pain. ive grown but im still hurting so. idk.

it gets better but. its hard. and im scared. and im lonely. and im afraid. and im getting hopeless. but i still. hope for better days.

be kinder to yourselves. ill try too.

[bitterdollie]

i'm alive and wowe i've changed a lot since i last posted, and more so since i was last active. for the better c':

[heartbreakclubs]

being emotionally abused for years ruined me!!! it really did!!! i don’t know how to heal!!!

[bitterdollie]

still the mood. 2019. 18 years old. still the mood.

[bitterdollie]

there’s no place in this world for me

[nurseyxbitty]

some of you are treating your children like your therapists. and there is a special circle of hell for parents who do so.

Your child does not need to be your confidante in problems with your spouse, your job, people you’re friends with. do not vent your problems with your mental illness to a 12-year-old so they can feel responsible for hiding what goes on at home and protecting you from yourself. your child deserves to be a kid and have fun. and they deserve a parent that allows them to do that.

[princessnijireiki]

This is called covert / emotional incest, and is a type of psychological abuse.

It can also manifest in additional types of manipulation & enmeshment, where the child (even once they’re an adult) isn’t “allowed” to have their own problems, emotional realities, or independence without the abusive caregiver making it about them in some way as an attempt to destroy self-other boundaries between themselves & the child, and keep themselves at the center of attention / both parties’ lives.

The caregiver / parent often also lashes out if & when the child rejects the role they have been forced into, reveals the caregiver’s secrets, or defies or disagrees with the caregiver when the caregiver is seeking the child’s “support.” The “punishment” can be direct or indirect, but often bears the hallmarks of psychological & physical partner abuse (emotional withdrawal, destruction of property, making the child feel as if the caregiver’s actions are their fault for not giving in to their requests, etc.).

Links:

GoodTherapy - Enmeshment

GoodTherapy - Emotional Incest

Understanding Covert Incest

Emotional Incest

Childhood Covert Incest and Adult Life

(I also suggest “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft & other resources like this for domestic violence and partner abuse to help people process what went on or is going on if / when caregivers lash out & escalate their abuse.)

[babybear]

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS:

there are several posts going around about how to best help if you witness an ICE raid/arrest as a (white) citizen. many of them are filled with extremely bad, LARP-y advice such as screaming at agents and getting physically close to them. in most cases, this is just going to make things worse for everyone at risk (including yourself). you need to stay calm, and avoid getting someone accused of resisting arrest.

to be clear: most of these fascists dont care about the law. “illegal” is not a magic word you can say to make them stop. and, being a white citizen is not an impenetrable shield. you can still be arrested, so be prepared for that. you are, however, less likely to be arrested, and MUCH less likely to be killed or held extralegally.

here is what you should actually do to help:

record, and make sure your phone auto-backups to a cloud. streaming can be problematic because its best to have lawyers look over the footage first. be aware they might also grab your phone, even without a warrant. if they’re grabbing it out of your hands, try to lock it. make sure you have a pin lock, not pattern or fingerprint. here’s some other ways to protect your phone from cops.

if you are able to film, and have determined it won’t escalate the situation, make it obvious you are doing so, because secretly recording is illegal in several states. narrate any violation of rights you see. here is a Q&A about filming ICE.

stay several feet back from agents, because they can claim you’re impeding them. if you’re recording and they claim this, take several steps back, and announce it as you’re doing so, if you’re filming.

ask if they are free to go, if someone is being approached. if ICE insists on the person asking for themself, and they speak spanish*, tell them “por favor repita: ‘am i free to go?’” (this just means “please repeat”) if the agent says yes, tell them “usted puede dejar”. if not..

calmly inform people of their rights if they are being arrested. they do not have to speak at all to agents, answer any questions without a lawyer, or sign anything. they do have to show their paperwork if they have it, but do NOT have to hand over the paperwork/passport, or consent to a search of themselves/belongings, without a judicial warrant (not administrative! here’s the difference). it is crucial that they give as little information as possible to ICE.

if you speak spanish, list their rights in spanish as well, and translate what the agents are saying. if not, keep the google translate app on your phone – it’s not perfect, but it’s quick/accessible and can download languages for offline use. you can also memorize this sentence: “no tiene que responder/dar su consentimiento” - “you dont have to respond/consent”

get their lawyer’s contact info, if they have one and are being taken away by ICE. many people carry a card with emergency contact info on it, including childcare info and loved ones, so you can offer to call those numbers for them.

call for legal help. do not call the ACLU or other big organizations for immediate help, call your local immigration help center (for New York State, contact IDP at 212-725-6422. for California, call the TRUST hotline at 844-878-7801). United We Dream is an immigrant-lead organization that provides aid nationwide, and can be reached at 844-363-1423. please save these numbers in your phone!

know the ICE rapid response network in your town, and keep their number on hand. if there isn’t one close to you, here’s how to make one.

finally, here are some useful toolkits:

comprehensive ICE response guide

know your rights posters for in-home raid readiness, community flyers, and informative videos

ACLU videos explaining what to do in various situations with ICE

*of course not every immigrant speaks spanish; people from south america are being targeted en masse right now, but may speak many indigenous languages as well as portuguese. so ask if you dont know what language someone speaks, and see if google translate can help.

[hazel2468]

Reblogging because I reblogged a similar post earlier in a reblogging spree without really looking too hard (that was on me, apologies) so here, have a better one. 

[poetic-wildflower]

Important

[quotes-and-giffss]

Benadryl, when taken in high volume, causes hallucinations so vivid they are indistinguishable from reality. - weird, interesting & funny facts

[bloodyshxes]

SIGNAL BOOST the hallucinations of benadryl are known to take every fear and of yours and put it into a hallucination like monsters forming from objects, objects trying to grab you, some people have experienced suicide situations (like thinking a beloved one committed suicide), pretty much anything the far deep back of your mind is scared

THERE IS NO PLEASANT HIGH OFF OF BENADRYL and from personal experience I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Do not try it because its a cheap high, its a terrifying high. I don’t support any form of drug use but I know I can’t stop people so please just be safe!!!

[aninvisiblebed]

I accidentally (Yes, accidentally. Please be careful and keep track of your cold medicines when you’re sick.) took too much when I had, like, bronchitis and let me tell you there was nothing fun about that at all. At all. It felt like my skin was violently trying to shed and I couldn’t stop twitching. Also I saw big, dark shadow people coming out of every door or closet. Don’t do it.

[cpecod]

please for the love of god do not overdose on antihistamines especially benadryl because i will second the fact that your hallucinations will be completely indistinguishable from real life scenarios and it will fuck you up in the head in the worst type of way and it is beyond terrifying

[phoenixenix]

THIS IS A GIANT FUCKING RED FLAG FOR PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY. I TOOK THIS SHIT WHEN I HAD A SINUS INFECTION AND MY ANXIETY WAS SO BAD I COULDN’T HOLD A PENCIL I WAS SHAKING SO HARD. PLS SIGNAL BOOST THIS FOR PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY AS WELL

[deadaccount528258835]

@schizomnom I feel like this would be important for psychotics to know!

[lovenotereminders]

Happiness isn’t an impossibility for you. Even if you haven’t had much of it so far, it isn’t out of your reach.

[tsyhere]

in 2019 we stop guilt tripping people into forgetting the struggles you caused them

[tsyhere]

i feel like i need to explain this. You shouldn’t apologize to other people by insulting yourself. “I’m so sorry, i’m so stupid i suck” is not an apology. It’s a guilt trip. You make the person stop focusing on why they’re hurt and focus on helping you instead. An apology combined with self deprecation is not an apology and never will be thank you for coming to my ted talk

[quiet-reassurance]

This is something especially difficult for abused people to realize. I’ve adopted a strategy of, whenever I want to self deprecate in an apology, I realize what I actually want to say is “thank you”.

So, “I’m so sorry, I’m so stupid, I suck” becomes, “I’m sorry. Thank you for being patient with me.”

I find that that’s always what I wanted to say, but through my abuse, I was never taught the right language.

[bitterdollie]

By BPD do you mean bipolar or borderline? I see that a lot and I just wanna know what you're talking about.

I mean Borderline Personality Disorder !

[bitterdollie]

Im so depressed right now that i dont even have the energy to talk about how sad i am or about anything at all

[bitterdollie]

I barely remember what ive posted here but thats okay

I want to cry my eyes out

[bitterdollie]

is anyone here? anyone left who still follows me and is active? im having a hard time again.

[schizcy]

I want to go to sleep.

Like everyone else tells me they do.

In silence, no one yelling at you, no muffled conversations in the back, no sudden screaming, no one telling you to do fucked up shit.

I just want to go the fuck to sleep in peace.

[bbppddd]

some people dont experience sensory overload, thats wild

[physichotic]

psychosis spec tumblr: stop demonizing psychotics. we’re not the monsters horror films and the news make us out to be. if you could be more careful about using harmful language that villainise us it would help a lot. we just want to be treated like human beings.

tumblr intellectuals: what if we …… don’t want to do that tho???? :/