How to Help a Friend With StPD (Schizotypal Personality Disorder)
cyclopsrose helped me write this guide on supporting someone with StPD–Schizotypal Personality Disorder. This illness doesn’t get enough representation, so thank you for all your help!
1. There’s this misconception that people with StPD don’t want to have friends. We do want to have friends and we do value friendship, but we have difficulty maintaining friendships because it’s exhausting for us. It takes a lot of energy for us to be social. When we’re with other people, we sometimes have a hard time relating to other people, and thus we may feel we don’t belong, or we don’t quite fit in. This may cause us to feel irritated, paranoid, or even in pain during social situations.
So if we start to drift away it most likely isn’t a reflection of you. Keep in touch with us. Just send us a text every once in a while reminding us that you still want to be our friend.
2. On that note, because socializing is exhausting for people with StPD, sometimes we need time alone to “recharge,” which is similar to what people with social anxiety experience. Unfamiliar social situations with unfamiliar people can be especially distressing for us. While you may have the best intentions, encouraging us to hang out more “for our own good” may just cause us more anxiety.
3. It’s hard for us to keep up in conversations. We have a hard time translating our thoughts into words that other people understand. You may notice that sometimes we seem to “shut down,” giving one-word responses or just using body language. Again, this doesn’t mean we’re bored, nor is it a reflection of you: talking is just hard for us, that’s all. Please try not to take it personally. If we’re still making an effort to maintain a friendship with you, odds are we really value you.
4. Socializing is exhausting in part because we have to manage our anxiety stemming from our fear of being “odd” or “different.” We’re intensely afraid of being judged or labeled as such. Telling us that the way we think, dress, or act is “weird” doesn’t help us at all; this type of criticism is actually what gets to us most. Don’t tell us that we need to change, even in a joking matter.
5. Much of StPD is distressing: the anxiety we feel maintaining friendships and opening up to people, the paranoia regarding how we think others perceive us, and the depression. But not everything about StPD, especially the part about our personality, needs to be changed or needs treatment. We like our individuality; how we think, feel, dress, act, and speak is unique! While we do need support to help us get through the depression, anxiety etc and we do seek treatment for these symptoms, we don’t need to change who we are. We’re not looking to be completely rid of our StPD.
Again, telling us that we’re “weird” or “different” just makes it hard for us to trust you. We are much more comfortable if we’re encouraged to express ourselves the way we want.
6. Sometimes we have a hard time interpreting social cues. We’re always looking for signs that we don’t belong or that you think we’re weird. It really helps when you reassure us that you don’t hate us, even if it seems obvious to you that you care for us.
7. Part of StPD involves a symptom called “magical thinking,” which is similar to what people with OCD or schizophrenia may experience. We’ll see ordinary things—such as character on TV looking into the camera—and feel it’s a sign meant for us—that TV character is directly communicating with us or using the TV to spy on us. We may be paranoid that someone is out to kill us, or that someone is trying to read our thoughts. Sometimes we’re aware that what we’re feeling is not based on reality, but sometimes we aren’t. These experiences, in the heat of the moment, feel extremely real to us. After the thoughts have passed, we usually can see that these “signs” weren’t signs at all, and we can even laugh it off sometimes. But magical thinking is a symptom of StPD, and has nothing to do with intelligence. If we tell you about one of our delusions, don’t laugh at us or tell us we’re “too intelligent” to believe these things. An easy way to help us without furthering the delusion is to say “Do you need space to calm down?”, and then you can take us away from the distressing situation and to a safe space instead.
8. We really do NOT like being touched without permission. If you want to give us a hug, please ask!
