Sick Of School

I've just started uni so I decided to post all of the bullshit I hear every day.

[school-sick]

Friend: My calves are the difficult part of getting my jeans off

Me: Oh, that's interesting-

Friend: I'm one of the hill folk

[school-sick]

Friend 1: Get a minion onesie

Friend 2: It's just like lingerie

[school-sick]

Freind: Well, one part of the hybrid is a horse.

Me: No, it's equine.

Friend: *confused look*

Me: *dawning realisation* Wait, equine means horse.

Friend: Yes.

Me: I THOUGHT IT WAS A FISH *proceeds to have a breakdown*

[school-sick]

Friend: Why are you wearing a corset?

Me: Because I'm hot.

[school-sick]

Me: You're so warm.

Friend: It's because I haven't eaten.

Me: I'm going to make a blanket with your skin.

[school-sick]

Friend 1: Basic bitch and ball ache.

Me: The three B's.

Friend 2: Basic bitch and ball ache. We're opening for Queen.

[school-sick]

Friend: There's a fine line between crafting and murder

Friend: The difference is pressure

[school-sick]

Me: OK, you've been on the other end of a conversation with my dad. You know exactly why I'm like this.

[school-sick]

Me, to a trans man about a trans woman: Do you wanna do some misogyny?

[school-sick]

Friend: Some nice homegrown titties

[school-sick]

Friend: Forget 3 brain cells fighting for 4th, he has no brain cells fighting for last.

[school-sick]

Friend: You can kill me physically but you can never get rid off the voices in my head. *joker laugh*

[school-sick]

Me: I can retcon his masochism and existence with a knife.

[school-sick]

Friend: Oh shit, my cousin just had another baby

[school-sick]

Friend: I curse in italics

[school-sick]

Me: I'm a fucking comedian that is going unappreciated on these fucking southerners

[school-sick]

Friend 1: *obviously cheating* Cheating isn't cheating unless you get caught. Did I get caught?

Friend 2: YES!