jellybeans are for punks

The name’s McKinnon, Doug McKinnon. Hogwarts graduate and former Gryffindor. 23 and Pureblooded, not that it matters. Hit Wizards are way cooler than Aurors, for the record.

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

fletcher-mundungus:

“No kissing, no money,” Mundungus agreed. “Ya are me favourite chap, right now.” And in that moment he meant it. “That sounds fair enough. What’s your favorite name to go by?” He asked, casually. As in to casually trying to ask the name he almost always got wrong.

“Doug works fine. Unless it’s especially dirty joke, then you can attribute it to the whole McKinnon family.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

mafaldahops:

“Well, a beer and good company can make almost anything decent, if you ask me,” Mafalda said, chuckling once before her expression turned sour, “Blast it all, where is that file?” She had rummaged through nearly her entire desk and still hadn’t found anything. In frustration she began paging through some of the files in the bookcase behind her. “I’m usually more organized than this, I swear.”

Doug couldn’t help a laugh of his own. “I can send someone back later, if that’s better. It’s probably not anything that’s a huge rush. It’ll give the trainees something to do.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

ecvance:

“I told my father I didn’t need any soiree for my birthday, but I didn’t expect it to not feel like a birthday without one. But it’s really difficult to party after a nine to five.”

“There’s always the weekend. But just wait until you get a couple of years into your 20s.” 

“Happy birthday.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

mafaldahops:

“I wouldn’t say I’m a fan,” Mafalda replied with a shrug, “I enjoy going to the matches live, of course. The drinks and the people make for a good time. But I’m certainly not one of those people that keeps up with the statistics and the team rosters and all that nonsense. But I can certainly relate to using any excuse to distract oneself from filling out boring reports.”

“Yeah, well, a beer and good company can make any match decent, no matter how its going. Or who’s playing. There are a lot of matches I wouldn’t listen to if they didn’t make reports go faster.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

fletcher-mundungus:

“Oh! Oh-oh! Ya mean like.. I make them believe I’m leading up to the chicken but then—snap!” a quick snap of his fingers, “Potato!” Mundungus stared up at Doug’ face. “Ya are a bloody genius. I could kiss ya, ya bloody genius. Brilliant! If ya let me use this idea, I’mma offer ya a drink, mate—or get ya one of the good sobering potions at a great discount, eh?”

“Yeah, use whatever you want as long as you don’t try to kiss me. I’m not going to make any money off it. Just make sure to mention me sometimes if you make a career out of being a comedian or something.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

heroicgideon:

Gideon fixed the other with a mockingly serious look. “Look, man, I have a million of them! Should I keep going or have you had quite enough?”

“I think I’ve had as much as I can take. Nice to know you’ve got them stashed for a special occasion though.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

heroicgideon:

Gideon paused for a quick thought of another terribly good joke before lighting up as one came to mind. “What about this one?!  Why did the scarecrow get promoted?” He again paused briefly so that the other could think and nearly vibrated as he waited. “He was outstanding in his field!”

“How many more of those do you have?”

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

fletcher-mundungus:

“Oh, no, no,” Mundungus shook his head. “The egg is only to start it off.. slowly build up to the main jokes. Which are about…” his hands patted his jacket, imitating a drum-roll, “… a potato. Or a chicken. I haven’t decided yet. The chicken is more on theme with the egg.. but the potato has stronger comedy potential. Whatcha think?”

“I dunno, mate. The potato would be a nice twist, especially if you make them think they’re building up to a chicken. So long as it still makes sense. As much sense as the rest of the jokes, anyway.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

mafaldahops:

Mafalda continued rooting around her desk drawers, looking for the file in question. “Ah, so you’re one of those Quidditch lads, are you?” she commented lightly, only temporarily glancing up from her search.

“Sure. Isn’t everyone a Quidditch fan?” Doug joked. “It’s mostly the reports part. Filling them out isn’t really my thing.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

fletcher-mundungus:

“I did! Whatcha think? I’m thinking to try out this comedy night, I was prepping some jokes.”

“Is it all going to be egg based? I’m not sure how far that’d get you.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

brilliantdaffodil:

“Hmm…” Narcissa scowled, “I don’t think I remembered it correctly though. This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Is it the one about the hippogriff and the unicorn? It was... similar, but different punch line.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

fletcher-mundungus:

“Hilarious, right?” Mundungus asked, looking quite proud of a joke he had delivered in the worst way possible. “Because.. they’s an egg. Got it?”

“Yep, I got it. Make that one up yourself?” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

heroicgideon:

“Alright if that one was so terrible, how about this one?” He paused briefly just for effect and then continued while trying to force down his own laughter. “Want to learn to speak troll? Don’t worry I can get you grunting in no time.“ His laughter couldn’t be contained any longer and Gideon wheezed for breath.

Doug couldn’t help laughing even as he groaned. “I think the jokes are getting worse instead of better.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

mafaldahops:

“Oh,” Mafalda said in surprise, glancing at the wizard who was speaking and then pushing her book to the side. She’d be so caught up in it that she’d forgotten she was still technically still at work. “Yeah, I actually do have something,” she said, standing up and glancing around, “Now, I know that file is around here somewhere…”

“It’s alright, I’m not in a rush. Just trying to save someone a trip later. Besides, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost track of reports listening to a Quidditch match at my desk.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

“I, uh. Can’t say I’ve heard that one before.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

mafaldahops:

“If you’re going to read over my shoulder could you at least take a step back?” Mafalda asked in an exasperated sort of tone, all without looking up from her book to see who the perpetrator was, “Your breath is annoyingly hot and a mint wouldn’t hurt you either.”

“Er... Sorry. Just passing by this part of the department and thought I’d see if you’ve got anything for the Hit Wizard office.” 

[scotchmckinnon-blog]

longbottomfrank:

Aim to uh, to get through life well without her, just in case. Never do. 

“I’m not the person that can throw stones in that case. How’s she been, anyway?”