Offer medicine if we usually take it during an attack.
You might have to ask whether or not we take medicine- heck, some might not; but please, ask. It really helps.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā WHAT YOU SHOULDNāT DO:
1.Ā Say, āYou have nothing to be panicked about.ā
We know. We know. We know. And because we know we have nothing to be panicked about, we panic even more. When I realize that my anxiety is unfounded, I panic even more because then I feel like Iām not in touch with reality. Itās unsettling. Scary.
Most of the time, a panic attack is irrational. Sometimes they stem from circumstances ā a certain couch triggers a bad memory or being on an airplane makes you claustrophobic or a break up causes you to flip your lid ā but mostly, the reasons Iām panicking are complex, hard to articulate or simply, unknown. I could tell myself all day that I have no reason to be having a panic attack and I would still be panicking. Sometimes, because Iām a perfectionist, I become even more overwhelmed when I think my behaviour is āunacceptableā (as I often believe it is when Iām panicking). I know itās all in my mind, but my mind can be a pretty dark and scary place when it gets going.
Alternate suggestion: Say, āI understand youāre upset. It is okay. You have a right to be upset and I am here to help.ā
2. Say, āCalm down.ā
This reminds me of a MadTV sketch where Bob Newhart plays a therapist who tells his patients to simply āStop it!ā whenever they express anxiety or fear. As a sketch, itās funny. In real life, itās one of the worst things you can do to someone having a panic attack. When someone tells me to āstop panickingā or to ācalm down,ā I just think, āOh, okay. I havenāt tried that one. Hold on, let me get out a pen and paper and jot that down, you jerk.ā
Instead of taking action so that they do relax, simply telling a panicking person to ācalm downā or āstop itā does nothing. No-thing.
Alternate suggestion: The best thing to do is to listen and support. In order to calm them down without the generalities, counting helps.
3. Say, āIām just going to leave you alone for a minute.ā
Being left alone while panicking makes my heart race even harder. The last thing I want is to be left by myself with my troubled brain. Many of my panic attacks spark from over-thinking and itās helpful to have another person with me, not only for medical reasons (in case I pass out or need water) but also itās helpful to have another person around to force me to think about something other than the noise in my head.
Alternate suggestion: It sometimes helps me if the person Iām with distracts me by telling me a story or sings to me. I need to get out of my own head and think about something other than my own panic.
4. Say, āYouāre overreacting.ā
Hereās the thing: Iām not. Panic attacks might be in my head, but Iām in actual physical pain. If youād cut open your leg, no one would be telling you youāre overreacting. Itās a common trope in mental health to diminish the feelings or experience of someone suffering from anxiety or panic because thereās no visible physical ailment and because thereās no discernible reason for the person to be having such a strong fear reaction.
The worst thing you can tell someone who is panicking is that they are overreacting.
Alternate suggestion: Treat a panic attack like any other medical emergency. Listen to what the person is telling you. Get them water if they need it. It helps me if someone rubs my back a little. If youāre in over your head, donāt hesitate to call 911 (or whatever the emergency services number is where you are). But please, take the person seriously. Mental health deserves the same respect as physical health.
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