Welcome to the inner workings of my mind

Madi. 20. Read my take on the world.

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H x

I hate following rules,

and deadlines, and really anything that puts me in a box.

I exist outside of space and time, figuratively.

I enjoy watching rain fall, and other cliches.

I hate sunburn, and headaches, and coconut water.

This poem is about you, and me, and how we work in harmony.

You follow all the rules,

you meet deadlines, and you call yourself a lesbian.

You live in the now,

and are always present when I am distant.

You hate cliches, and would rather a summers day.

Your burns turn to tan,

you soothe the pain in my head, and you live off of coconut.

They say opposites attract, and maybe they are right.

Because there is something about you that keeps me awake at night.

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Why I never pursued a science degree.

You ask me why English, 

as you believe it has no job prospects. 

You think about what you studied in school, 

to Shakespeare, and to essays, 

thinking what an easy thing English must be. 

Yet you fail to understand the most basic 

premise in which English was built, that is that 

language is an organised sound; 

it is a song that only we hear, 

and a melody that sings so sweetly just for us. 

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An Ode to Laura Marling

Do as done, after there was nothing left to be, 

Well turned out I’d been following him, and he’d been following me. 

Ten thousand years and you’re still on your own, 

Don’t you love, don’t you love me that way. 

Trying to find, oh an emotion you cannot deny, 

I will not have him treat me this way.

And if it comes to the rain, just be glad you’ll smile again,

Because so many don’t, and so many go unnamed. 

And you will never feel quite clean, in this new skin that you have grown, 

Until your old and broken bones are laid into their resting place, just like the rest of human race. 

I’ll jump into your grave and die, and on my words you’ll give up your whole life for me, 

And you’ll be reborn bigger and stronger, and less alive...

Oh you crawled out of the sea,

Straight into my arms, straight into my arms. 

Sleep will not come because sleep does not will it, 

And I don’t believe him, morning is mocking me. 

I woke up and he was screaming, I’d left him dreaming. 

I roll over and shake him tightly, and whisper “If they want you, then they’re gonna have to fight me.” 

You sat alone, under bellowing sky. 

If I feel God judging me, I fell into the water, and now I’m free.

I am honest now, not a shouter, I am reformed, forgiven and reborn. 

And you’ve been busy but you’ve missed me, and I plagued your mind. 

You will never go outside, you will never go back to being blind. 

There’s a boy across the river, but alas I cannot swim. 

Now never will I get to put my arms around him. 

There’s a life across the river that was meant for me. 

Instead I live my life in constant misery. 

There’s a life across the river, but I do not see,

Why I should please those, who will never be pleased. 

-- Poem written with the lyrics from every song from the wonderful Laura Marling’s album “Alas, I Cannot Swim” --

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Sonder

You walked past me in the street, 

your eyes were cast down towards the ground. 

I always wondered why you hid your face, 

and what was going on inside on this November day.

I wondered if you had always had blond hair, 

or if you were a perfect picture with bright blue eyes. 

Did you always wear those white shoes with the holes in them, 

or do you have to change them when it rains? 

Have you ever been kissed my dear, 

or held in the middle of the night when life closes in? 

I imagine you with a soft name like Isobel, or Alice, 

and I often think of whether your real name suits you.

I wish I knew you, and I wish I knew your story, 

because something happened to me when you 

walked past, and I’ve been caught on you ever since. 

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In search of...

In search of serendipity I find myself eating breakfast at your table.

You spread Nutella on your toast, with no concern for calories. 

You no longer need to show me where the milk lives. 

I am comfortable in your space, and you in mine. 

As I lean in and kiss you, I realise you’re my serendipity all along.  

And I think to myself “what a wonderful surprise you are indeed.” 

In search of serendipity I find myself eating at breakfast at your table, only now I know that it’s our table.