ā remember how we agreed not to catch feelings ⦠? ā (stancy)
It had been a matter of ease and convenience to begin with.
Steve had a new-born baby and was therefore fairly confined to the house, and certainly was not going out on dates. Nancy had split up with Jonathan about three months after Steve had found out he was expecting a baby, with Jonathan citing that they had 'grown apart' and 'you're always with him, you're never home any more!'. Nancy wasn't quite sure how it was her fault that her best friend in the world needed desperate help getting everything ready for his impending arrival. Sure, he was going to be a single Dad but that didn't mean he had to do it all alone - not when Nancy was eager and willing to help.
Nancy had moved into Steve's spare room without a second thought, and thrown herself into a comfortable routine with her best friend until Laura came along. Then, their routine changed significantly but it was still everything Nancy wanted. Nancy didn't think she'd ever been quite so happy in her life, which was curious given she'd been in a relationship for almost six years that she thought had made her happy. She didnāt mind getting up in the night to do the night feeds for Laura, or to settle her back to sleep. Her boobs didnāt have the functions that Laura needed for food, but she still found comfort lying against Nancyās chest and anything that quietened the baby was worth it. It was convenience, she told herself, as she found herself sleeping in Steveās bed more often than not. Lauraās bed was in his room, it was the simplest option.
Until one morning sheād awoken with his hard erection pressed against her thigh, and itād sent a bolt of need straight to her core. Sheād shuffled out of his grasp, diving into the shower where she turned it to the coldest setting and doused herself until she felt safe to re-emerge into their home. Steve was up and making breakfast when she went downstairs, and when he touched her arm to get passed her sheād felt a jolt of electricity that she hadnāt quite felt before. She didnāt think Steve felt the same thing though, given that all he remarked on was how cold her skin was. Before she knew it, a warm cup of coffee had been pressed into her grateful fingertips. He was just thoughtful like that, and it was one of the things she loved about her dearest friend.
Later that evening, Nancy had made pathetic excuses as to why she needed to stay in her own room that night that absolutely did not boil down to what her bedside drawer contained. Sheād been a bundle of nerves all day, including an embarrassing moment when she let out a soft groan when Steve touched her hip, and she needed to sort herself out. Sheād put music on quietly in the background to muffle the sound and reached for her vibrator that had seen more use when she was dating Jonathan than it was seeing now, and had started working herself up when there was a soft knock on the door. āJesus Christ,ā she hissed, throwing the vibrator across the room into the corner before pausing to wonder why the hell sheād done that. Her hair was mussed up from her pillow, and she knew that if he looked at her at all he would see her hard nipples poking through the camisole sheād chosen to wear. āNance, can I come in?ā Steve asked, a strange tone to his voice. Drawing the covers up to her neck, she cast another glance to the corner now deemed as the vibrator corner and was satisfied that you couldnāt see the vibrator before calling him through.
Nancy had seen Steve shirtless before under a variety of circumstances. Theyād gone swimming together before, and recently heād lost many a shirt recently to baby sick and had simply whipped them off deciding that it was easier to clean his bare chest than to get sick out of his clothes. But Steve shirtless, in grey sweatpants, when she had worked herself half-way to orgasm wasā¦.something else. āEverything okay?ā she asked, her voice strained and then her gaze dipped and she took a sharp breath. He was hard again. āIā¦heard what you were doing,ā his cheeks were flushed, and he lifted a hand to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. āShitā¦I thought Iādā¦I thought you wouldnāt be able to hear. Sorry,ā her own cheeks were now enflamed, and she clutched at the bedding a little tighter. āI woke up earlier as you were getting out of bedā¦I know what youā¦you had a cold shower didnāt you this morning?ā āSteveā¦what are you-?ā her question was cut off as Steve came fully into her room, setting the baby monitor onto her dresser before shutting the door behind him. āYouāre single, and Iām single. Weāre both adults, and weāve both got healthy needs. I can help youā¦I want to help you,ā he breathed, his fingers creeping ever so slowly towards where Nancyās were still holding the bedding to cover herself. āIt doesnāt need to be something. I know youāre still getting over Jon. It can be just sex,ā his gaze held hers firmly, and Nancyās brain was ticking with the possibility of it all. āWeād have to keep it secret. No telling Robs ā everyone would know by morning. But it does mean we donāt have to bring strangers around Laura, and we trust each other. Just sex, no feelings involved,ā she said slowly, still working her way around the possibility.
āJust sex. No feelings, just sex. It works for both of usā¦I wonāt bring strangers around Laura, and if we needed to stop because she needs us, I know youāre not gonna be weird about it,ā Steve said, his hand finally closing over hers to draw the bedding away from her.
āJust sex,ā she agreed, and his mouth came down to cover hers.
So it begun. At first it was once or twice a week, always in the evenings after Laura had gone to bed, and it always began frantically before becoming something softer. Their days were as normal as ever, and if their friends had noticed anything different, they never said anything (at least not to Nancy). It was significantly easier than trying to date around, given that much like Steve, she wouldnāt bring a stranger around Laura. It wasnāt worth the risk. Once or twice a week quickly became every night, and it became something of a game between them. They had started to find creative ways to entice the other into their room ā Nancyās favourite trick of reaching for her vibrator had yet to fail her. On one occasion, sheād been opening her make-up drawer and Steve had poked his head around the door assuming that her bedside drawer was being opened. His cheeks had coloured red when he realised that she was not actively inviting him in, yet before she knew it they had tumbled into bed together.
Everything made absolute sense in Nancyās head, even if it was taking some time for her heart to catch up. She had loved Steve for a long time, placing their friendship above all else (including her relationship with Jonathan). They made sense. She had been there for so many of the significant moments of his life, and vice versa. Now they were co-parenting his baby together, even if they hadnāt officially named it as such. Perhaps Nancy would never officially be her mother, especially if Steve found an actual partner, but Laura was as much her daughter as she was Steveās. It was actually thoughts of what would happen if Steve found a partner that started Nancy down the path of realising that at some point her love for Steve had become romantic. She was jealous about this imaginary partner she had created for Steve, and sick at the thought of being pushed aside for someone who could have Steve in all his fullness. Nancy loved him like she had never loved Jonathan ā her love for Steve was all-encompassing and warm. She loved waking up in the morning with his arm slung over her waist, she loved the gentle domesticity of their life together, and she yearned for more. She just wasnāt quite sure how to tell him that, given they had unequivocally agreed that they wouldnāt catch feelings.
Nancy spent a few weeks sitting on the truth of her feelings and wondering what to do when all of a sudden she felt like the world was crashing down. She got in from work one day and finally decided that she was going to come out with her feelings, and found Steve in the kitchen quietly humming to himself as he prepared some food for Laura who was strapped into her high chair. āCan I talk to you after dinner? Maybe when sheās gone down for a nap?ā Nancy asked, trying to hide the shake in her hands by reaching for the coffee machine. āCourse. Hey, are you okay to look after Laura on Saturday night? Iāmā¦uhā¦going on a date,ā Steveās voice was soft, but it made Nancyās heart freeze in her chest. She wondered if he could hear her heart shattering in her chest, if he heard her dreams of a future disappearing like the water he was currently pouring down the drain. āI-uh-Iā¦yeah, I can do that. I didnāt have any plans anyway.ā
Nancy didnāt speak to Steve after dinner like sheād asked, nor did she invite him to her room that evening giving a pathetic excuse of a headache. If she had an hour long shower where the running water masked the sound of her crying, well then, that was none of his business.
Saturday arrived and with it Nancyās mood was growing bleaker. She was doing her best to hide it, though she knew Steve had noticed there was something wrong. Robin had come over to help Steve get ready for his date with her friend Molly, and Nancy had politely excused herself to go and nap in Lauraās room. When she awoke, Steve had left for his date. Heād left some post-it notes of thanks on the kitchen island, but he was absolutely blowing up her phone with texts. Snuggled against the sofa with Laura in her arms, Nancy couldnāt help but be delighted that his date was going so poorly. Her smile only grew when Steve text her that he would much rather be at home than her than out with Molly, and she simply shot him a photo back of her and Laura.
Nancy was still on the sofa when Steve arrived home, though sheād already bathed and put Laura to bed. Sheād got a bottle of wine open but only one glass out, and Steve snatched her glass up to take a long swig as he sat down. āHey,ā she objected in playful protest, slapping at his arm. āSoā¦Mollyās actually interested in Robin. She apologised just as I was about to leave and said she wasnāt sure how else to get Robs attention. Sheās gonna come over tomorrow morning and weāre gonna make a plan of action. Operation: Get Robin Buckley A Date. The name needs some workā¦.will you help us brainstorm tomorrow?ā Nancy had barely registered any words beyond āinterested in Robinā and suddenly the dark cloud of her mood was miraculously lifted. āAbsolutely Iāll help. Nowā¦I want a rundown of your whole evening from start to finish. Iām sorry I was asleep when you leftā¦you look good though, Robs picked a good outfit.ā
Operation Date (still no official name) was well under way, and Molly left their home the following day with a plan firmly in hand. Nancy had just been about to throw herself down onto the couch but the sun was high in the sky and it seemed too good of an opportunity to waste. āShould we take Laura to the park? Itās a nice day for a walk, and she loves the baby swings,ā she asked, already moving to put her shoes on because she knew Steve would agree. āIāll make some sandwiches and get some juice, we can make a picnic out of it.ā
It was a leisurely stroll to the park, one theyād done a thousand times before, but Nancyās mood had lifted so much that she was on the verge of skipping to the park. Steve had the backpack full of picnic food so she had insisted on pushing Lauraās pram, nudging Steve out of the way with her hip. Sheād caught a glimpse of something in his eye, a glint of affection that she was terrified to acknowledge lest her heart get too hopeful, and she busied herself with getting the pram over the threshold of their house rather than think too deeply about it. They wandered around the park, chattering about everything and nothing all at once, and Nancy figured that she couldnāt be happier actually. This was her family, and her love for the two of them only seemed to deepen each day.
They found a quiet spot within the park to lay a picnic blanket down, and Steve set about getting the food out while Nancy unstrapped Laura from her pram and settled her in her lap. She leaned down to press a kiss to the babyās forehead, gently brushing a few curls away from her face, and when she looked up again Steve had frozen in his movements and was simply gazing at them. There was that flash of affection again in his eyes, and it was almost as if he couldnāt stop himself when he said āyou ruined my date.ā Nancyās eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and she had to fight the urge to hold onto Laura a little tighter, a sick feeling suddenly settling in her stomach. āIā¦what? What do you mean? I was telling you not to text me, andā¦you told me she wasnāt interested in you anyway. We literally just spent the morning figuring out a plan for her to end up with Robs,ā Nancy rambled, wondering exactly what he could mean. āNoā¦fuckā¦I didnāt mean it likeā¦Iāmā¦shit,ā Steve stammered, and it was then that Nancy noticed his hands had started shaking. Reaching out, Nancy gently took his hand in her own, lacing their fingers together as sheād done so many times before. āWhat do you mean?ā she asked again, and Steveās eyes focused on their joined hands rather than her face.
āRemember how we agreed not to catch feelings? Remember how it was ājust sexā? Wellā¦I caught feelings. All I could think about when I was with her, even in the run up, was that I wanted it to be you instead. The whole evening all I wanted to do was come home to my girls, to curl up on the sofa and tuck you under my arm and be with you instead,ā Steveās words were rushed, knowing that he was handing his heart over to Nancy on a platter and asking her to handle it with care. āAnd I just saw you with Laura just then, and I thought thatās what I want. Just us three forever, our family. Thatās what I want. Iāve loved you for a long time, Nance, I canāt pretend that I donāt any more. Iām sorry if you donāt feel the same, but I justā¦canāt keep it to myself any more,ā his voice was quiet as he trailed off and his gaze had dropped to the floor, as if he was waiting for Nancy to politely tell him that it was nice of him to confess but that she didnāt feel the same.
Nancy carefully lifted their joined hands up to her lips where she pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles. āYou know how Iāve been in a bad mood for the last week? And how I said it was because I was on my period and I was hormonal?ā she paused, waiting for him to nod. āIām not on my period. I thought I was going to lose you to another woman, I thought I was gonna have to sit on the sidelines and watch you fall in love and build a family with her. I was jealous of the woman you deemed worthy of your attention, and I was overjoyed when you said your date was going poorly and then I felt awful about it because you deserve to be loved. You deserve the world and more, Steve. You give so much love to everyone around you, you take such care of us allā¦you deserve only the best. You deserve much more than me, but my heart is yours and it has been for some time now. I just wasnāt sure how to tell you. I didnāt wanna mess up what we had, yāknow? Youāre my person, you have been for a long time in every way that counts. I love you and I love our daughter with my whole heart, I would love nothing more than for it to be the three of us against the world together.ā
As if Laura knew she was missing out on something very important, she chose that moment to shout ābaā loudly just so she was included. Nancy shuffled a little bit closer to Steve, dropping his hand ever so briefly if only so she could lift Laura up and press another kiss to her soft cheeks before handing her over to Steve. āShe definitely just wants the food and is upset weāre taking too long to start eating,ā he said, his smile wider than sheād ever thought possible as he reached for some grapes heād chopped up for her. True to form, Laura grasped at the bits of grape with her fingers and quite happily smushed them into her mouth before rubbing her sticky fingers all over Steveās face.
There would be time later for them to kiss, for them to solidify their relationship and prove to each other (several times) that evening just what they meant to each other, but with Laura causing chaos between them there was little time for Nancy to do more in that moment than peck Steveās cheek and shoot him a beaming smile before busying herself with getting more food for Laura. And when they finally left the park with an exhausted Laura asleep in the pram, they walked home together with their hands firmly clasped and a firmer vision of what the future together was going to look like.
Nancy thought there was nothing more beautiful in the world than that.