tread softly

palaces out of paragraphs

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Sue Zhao

Instagram

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Sometimes it’s good to take your own advice 💕

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Is it better to keep someone you’re in love with in your life as a friend and let it kill you to see them love someone else, or to let them go?

The writer in me says keep them in your life. It makes for a beautiful story. The friend in me tells you to let them go. Give yourself a chance to heal. Give yourself a chance to move on. 

Don’t listen to the writer. Listen to the friend. 

Best case scenario, one day you will see them just platonically and that will work for both of you. Worst case scenario, they become a cherished memory and you fall in love with somebody who loves you back. 

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Is it really so difficult for you to imagine that somebody could love you? That they could stay?

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I can’t promise you that I will never hurt you. For, humans often hurt each other. But I promise that I will never do it intentionally. And, I will always apologise afterwards.

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“Two and a half years later, we sit across from each other. How are you? You ask. Well. I say. What I want to say is: I don’t really know what I’m doing here. Or, rather, you haven’t changed a bit. Or, you look exactly the same as on the day you left. I am stuck between keeping my distance and treating you the way I used to. Letting down my guard completely. It is so easy to slip into. But I could never do it if you didn’t do the same. We swap stories; updates. Everything seems so superficial. I don’t dare ask if these days you are happy. Though, I hope that you are. I tell you that I’m moving to a different city next month. You comment on the different colour of my hair. I don’t tell you that sometimes I still think about the way that you left. That it still colours my relationships; that I still worry that some happinesses are too good to be true. You tell me that your parents are getting divorced. You’ve finally realised that love never lasts. I don’t say anything. I have no evidence to the contrary. Yet, after a while, I say I think you’re wrong. You shrug your shoulders and let it fill the silence. Once, we would have argued for hours. As you stand to leave, I realise that I am no longer in love with you. I no longer know you. You are a stranger in a familiar body. And yet I do not recognise your hands. If you touched me now, I do not know whether it would feel like fire or ice. Maybe both. Maybe neither.”

— Sue Zhao // Meeting somebody you loved after a long time 

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How do I move on if I never got closure?

This must be one of the hardest things to do. 

To never know why. Or to never have them hold you in their arms and say, it’s okay - it’s not because I think you’re a terrible person. It’s not because you aren’t enough. It’s because I’m not ready. Or because I don’t think we have the same goals for the future. Or because I’m in love with someone else. 

But that doesn’t make you inferior. It doesn’t make you bad. It doesn’t make you unlovable. 

I guess moving on without closure means you have to say those things to yourself. To know that, ultimately, you will be okay on your own. To realise that your future and happiness are not dependent on something external. To say those things that you needed to hear from them, to yourself. 

It is much easier said than done, but I think that’s the first step. 

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In a relationship, is it right to demand the same level of love and energy that you are giving to your partner?

I do not think you can ever demand very much from anybody.

You can only ask, and hope that you receive what you believe to be fair.

You can only explain, and give the other person the freedom to choose how to respond.

And you can be fair to yourself, and know when to walk away from something that is not right for you.

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How do you know when you love somebody?

Wait till things get tough.

One day, they’ll do something that will break your heart. That’s just how humans are. They break even the things they love. Then, when you are on the floor sobbing about it, ask yourself where you want to run to. Away from them, as logic might dictate? Or back into their arms to have them console you against their own doing?

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can you please write about long distance love. i'm dating a boy who lives abroad, I'm seeing him again in a couple of weeks but all i can do is think about him and honestly i think i could die from the pain. i know it's not feasible to live like this but even loving him through the distance means more to me than anyone here.

When I think about you, I do not think about all the things keeping us apart. I do not think about the distance. I do not think about the oceans, the mountains, the roads. I do not think about the space.

I think about the feeling of your hands and the imprints they have left on my skin. I think about the poetry in your soul. I think about last Tuesday night when I fell asleep to the sound of your breathing and felt as close to you as I have ever felt to anybody.

I know that the distance is an inconvenience. But love has never been for convenience. It has always been more.

You are more. You are more. To me, you are everything.

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Do you believe in right person wrong time?

I believe that we meet people who we wish could be in our lives, but, for one reason or another, they are too far away. I believe that sometimes, despite this, we fall in love with them. And, other times, we let them go.

Fundamentally, though, I believe that we have a choice. Sometimes, that choice is recognising that the timing is off and walking away. Sometimes, it is choosing to wait anyway.

So yes, I believe in the notion of “right person, wrong time”. But I don’t believe that your reaction to such a situation is an inevitable one. Perhaps that is a naive thing to think. And, if it is, then so be it. I would hate to think that I might throw away a truly good thing for bad timing.

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How would I know if I'm in love?

I promise. You just know. 

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“One day you will have had a really good day and you will call to tell me about it but when I answer the phone I’ll be crying, and suddenly you’ll feel angry. You will think, “why does she always have to be so sad? Why must she seek so much attention?” You’ll ask, “what’s wrong?” but you won’t listen. You might even put the phone down and make yourself a cup of tea. When the call goes silent you’ll come back and say, “I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough day.” And I’ll say, “ I’m sorry I keep going on about me. How was your day?” And you’ll start talking but you’ll talk a little too fast because you didn’t want to listen but now you feel guilty. And in the end, this is how we will go, with a toxic mix of guilt and indifference. And in the end, I hope you don’t blame me because I won’t blame you. I won’t blame you.”

— Sue Zhao

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About a friend

Follow me on Instagram at s.m.zhao

[achilles-alexander-deactivated2]

Call me vain but one of my personal development goals is to not be a draining person. I want people to feel listened to and refreshed after spending time with me.

[seabedded]

[baladevii]

If I connect with you, anything I do for you isn’t a favor, It’s out of love. Just look out for me when it’s time.