wish you well @seashellbeach - Tumblr Blog

it’s like every time i blink i can hear myself screaming for help i can remember what it felt to touch his face already settling into rigor mortis i can remember how cold he felt when it was so hot i can feel how rough the sticks and rocks were under my feet for the 8 hours i stood outside waiting for them to take his body and get their pictures i can remember how it felt like even the animals knew something was wrong they always hated people out there but there was a stillness that had never been in my 23 years being there and how much i regret refusing to see him one last time before they took him like it was going to hurt me but all that has hurt me is the regret

am i a sociopath

in times of desperation (and texas liquor laws( i am drinking a four loko

#i feel #transported back to 2016

how come last week i had 3 shots and thought i was dying of alcohol poisoning and now tonight ive had 5 and don’t feel SHIT

it’s really starting to piss me off how much i have to drink to feel drunk tf the alcoholism genes working against me

#i got jameson cause i thought higher alc perc get me fucked up faster with less #4 shots in and i don’t feel shit

#me uncle jimbo #n me #he was more like my annoying brother i wish i wasn’t such a bitch to him at the end of his life #the only thing i remember about this era of life is that on the drive to minnesota from texas i sat on the floorboard of the passenger seat #at my grandma’s feet the entire 1200 mile drive #and i lived bitch #but what the fuck was that level of transportation even for 1999

i keep falling asleep and waking up in a panic and drinking more than repeating the cycle

#i hate the unknown #i just want to move my family away from here and never think of this place again #please please please please let everything be okay

went from having an almost full bottle of rum in the fridge for 2 years to me drinking it all in 2 nights

i quit smoking weed 36 hours ago

#Nothing Positive Has Come From Quitting #ik it hasn’t been enough time but damn #everyone in my family are daily weed smokers i thought i was Built Different #i’m going thru withdrawals worse than when i quit coke

this morning PMDD had me fully beating tf out of myself to the point where i’m covered in bruises, think i have a mild concussion, and it hurts to move 12 hours later… now an hour ago i started my period and i look at all the damage i did to myself like what in the damn hell i just had to hold it together for one more day i don’t understand why my hormones genuinely had me going breakdown after breakdown meanwhile this is the shortest cycle i’ve had in YEARS??? would think it would’ve been less brutal compared to my long cycles, no??

#tw sh #i even performed the humiliation ritual of calling the suicide hotline #i can’t have another cycle like this it might actually end me

up early this morning wishing i had access to healthcare

#it’s a sunday and i’m daydreaming of having a primary care provider

crying in agony as i apply arthritis cream to my aching joints isn’t how i thought my 20s would go

hate how good neglecting my needs feels on my brain

feed da bees

#bee #this one is eating an apple #thanks to my lovely wife #my son and i can be outside and watch them for hours

i made the best banana bread i’ve ever made but i dropped and broke my $70 hand mixer that was one of the very last things i put onto my $70,000 of credit card debt before i decided to stop paying everyone and declare bankruptcy

#this thing sells for $100 now i might as well just get a mf kitchen aid

ovulating from lefty this month

#been righty for a while but she got an ovarian cyst last month must be outta commission #i hate that i can feel everything in my body #or at least think i can

i’m so suicidal today but just got groceries for the week so i guess i have to lock into this shit

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

wish you well