Thinking about people who struggle with submission, or rather, who struggle with allowing themselves to fully let go around their partner. Because it’s not that you don’t trust your partner, you do. If anything, they’re the only person you’ve felt comfortable enough with to even entertain the idea, you’re just not used to feeling this way.
You’ve learned that stifling is survival, that snuffing out the desires before they can fully emerge is safer and will save you from the disappointment of them not being fulfilled. You aren’t used to allowing someone to carry the weight with you, even if your body aches from the pressure of holding it all on your own. It’s difficult to allow someone to take the reins when you’ve held them for so long and so tightly that the handles have permanently imprinted themselves onto your hands.
And you can’t help but wonder why they’d ever want to.
Why take on what you perceive to be a burden so willingly? Why would they want to enter such an unequal exchange? They can’t possibly gain anything from taking care of someone who’s making it difficult for them to do so. But, as they’ll help you understand, you are not “difficult” nor are you a burden. You never have been, not to them, and they want to grant you the reprieve you’ve thought yourself undeserving of seeking.
Having a carefully crafted image of yourself is its own defense, but they want to see all of you, even the parts you’ve deemed too undesirable for viewing or that you believe make you less lovable. They understand it’ll take time, patience, and reassurance, all things they have in abundance and will readily give, because there is truly nothing more rewarding to them than to see you soften and allow yourself to be held by them with no hesitation.
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