Second Hand Lessons

Life Lessons I learned from those who have gone before me, by trial and error, and Scripture.

[secondhandlessons]

Baby Doll vs. Baby Courtney

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” ~ Matthew 6:24

I had a doll that never left my side.

I carried this particular doll around with me everywhere. She had a soft cloth body and rock hard arms, legs and head. She was a sturdy girl. No matter how many times she was dropped, survival was guaranteed. I would dress her up or wrap her in my favorite blanky and then drag it behind me all over the house, into the car, out on the swing set and sometimes even to public places. This baby was so much a part of my young life that my grandmother began sewing us matching dresses. We were too cute!

At 4 years old, I was told the most exciting news a little girl can hear. I was going to be a big sister! I was finally not going to be the baby of the family anymore… and best of all I would have a real baby “doll” to play with!

I imagined showing my little sister how to have tea parties, how to make the proper stance for a ninja turtle, and many other very important life lessons. I loved the process of gathering all the cute little baby things and just knew that it would be fun to dress up the baby like my doll.

The day I met my new little sister was amazing. This tiny sleeping person with a lot of hair was my sister and I claimed her as mine immediately. I wanted to hug her, hold her, love her and play with her like my doll.

It was not long before I realized there was a very big difference in this new baby and my doll.

My understanding of baby began to be shaped differently. Thinking a human baby would be anything like a baby doll is a huge misconception. This was a hard adjustment! There were new smells in the house, and not all of them were pleasant. I had to learn to be quiet during naps, and the attention I was used to was now shifted to the much smaller, cuter baby.

But despite these small inconveniences, this tiny new baby was clearly better than my plastic doll. The plastic doll was eventually forgotten while my sister only got better and better. She turned out to be an awesome playmate.

Ever chosen something “plastic” over something real? It happens all the time. People choose to place ultimate value on things and often miss having a real, vibrant relationship with the living God. All the stuff we think is so important will rust, decay, go out of style or just wear out. But God? Having a relationship with the Creator of all things only gets better and better and better.

Some things that we place before God are even good things.

Money, for instance, is neither good nor bad. It is simply a tool that people use. But as Jesus pointed out in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:24), money can lead us from the best relationship we will ever have.

It’s not always money that we give precedence in our lives. Maybe you choose to elevate school, a person, a car, or work. It could be anything! All of these things are not wrong on their own, but when they become the center of your world, the drive of all decisions, then that is nothing less than idolatry.

As I grew up, I still loved my doll, but my doll did not grow and change like my little sister did. I was fascinated by the differences we saw in her every week. The doll never once laughed, and never learned to talk, crawl, or walk.  And most of all, my doll never reached out to me for a hug, never planted a kiss on my cheek, and never told me she loved me.

But my baby sister did all of those things. 

Choose between my sister and a beloved doll? My sister wins hands down, every time.

Choose between God and some form of idolatry? Why would any of us ever choose anything except God?

Do not miss this lesson. Nothing compares to the real thing. 

[secondhandlessons]

Forbidden Crayon

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate.” ~ Genesis 3:6

My kindergarten class was in the midst of a mystery.

Our green crayons were disappearing and that was a big problem because we had a lot of things to color that needed to be green.

But I had a secret. I was the thief. The color was intoxicating to me and I just had to collect as many of the crayons as I could. When the other kids started to notice, I slowed down the thievery. Nevertheless there was usually a green crayon in the pockets of my pants or jackets and in my cubby at school.  

I think my teacher had a suspicion that I was the culprit, but she never caught me red-handed.

One day, for some reason beyond even my own understanding, I decided to taste a green crayon. A little nibble was all it would take.

So… that is just what I did.

Later, as my teacher was talking to me she noticed something odd. She took me over to the side and asked me to smile. So I gave her my most angelic “I’m cute and innocent” smile.

“Melinda,” my teacher asked, “are you taking the green crayons?”

“No ma’am,” I said feigning a little shock for effect.

Then she asked me a question that I never forgot.

“Then how did green crayon bits get in your teeth?”

Foiled and forever marked as the Green Thief I was found out! My teacher let me know that there would be a price to pay for my crime and deception, and I knew that it was not going to be the least bit fun.

Deception was not new to me. It seemed to come so naturally sometimes. In fact it seems to be a world-wide epidemic.  

Adam and Eve, the first humans, were the first to attempt deception. It all started with a piece of fruit that was a “delight to the eye.”

God gave Adam and Eve a literal paradise and they were able to enjoy the delights of the garden to their hearts’ content.

There was only one rule. They were told not to take and eat the fruit of just one of the trees. Just one!

But, the beauty of the fruit – or perhaps more importantly enticement of the forbidden – proved to be too much. With only a little urging from the deceiver, the first two people on Earth sent us all into a downward spiral of rule breaking, hiding, and attempted deception.

After their sin, they recognized that they made a horrible mistake. They hid in shame, feebly attempting to cover themselves with leaves. They also played the blame game for their shortcomings. Deception was growing in the Garden.

 In essence, they were caught with green crayon all in their teeth.

Can you hear it? “Adam? Eve? Why do you have forbidden fruit in your teeth?”

Adam and Eve had to face the consequences of their choices. So did I after my short stent of kindergarten crime. I had to return my horded crayons, and apologize to the class.

You can’t fool God so give up the act. It’s time to face the facts that no one is perfect.  We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God as one of the Bible’s most famous verses states. Or to put it in my teacher’s words… You’ve got green in your teeth! 

[secondhandlessons]

Break, Mend, and Heal

“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, who is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” ~ Colossians 3:8-10

We had a swing set in our back yard.

I would play on that set for hours at the time, and it was just a swing set to most people. It was so much more for me. Sometimes it was a castle under siege and I was the princess with the magical wand fighting off the swarms of evil doers. Other times it was the underground hideout of the Ninja Turtles, where Rafael, Donatello, Leonardo and Michelangelo (I always took that part) would go for pizza and rest after our intense battles.  And sometimes it was a recording studio for my many, many original songs that would later be performed for my family.

I never thought something I loved so much could cause me so much pain until the day I was swinging like a monkey going from vine to vine. I lost my grip and landed on the ground.

 Hard.

I hurt all over. It knocked the wind out of me, but other than some bruises and some dirt mixing with all the tears, my parents did not observe any serious injury.

But there was something wrong that we could not see.

Days passed and little observances were made about the funny way I was holding my arm, or the slight whimpering when my arm was suddenly moved. Still, it did not seem like much was wrong. I was not crying about the pain and the arm wasn’t swollen.

A couple of weeks later, on a friend’s play set, I attempted to do the same, gravity-defying flip that I watched my older sister and friend do on the rings. They looked like acrobats, and I wanted to be one too.

So I gripped the rings, pushed off the ground, and started to flip through the air.

But that was as far as my acrobatic career ever got.

SNAP!

This time, my parents rushed me to the doctor, and x-rays showed that my wrist was broken...for the second time. The monkey bar fall originally broke it and since some time had passed, it was already healing when it snapped the second time at my friend’s house. Looking back, the signs were all there that the arm was broken all along. But the signs were so small, we elected to ignore them.

People trying to follow Christ usually wind up with a few breaks along the way, too. But if the signs of trouble are “small,” we tend to ignore them. Maybe we miss a time of Bible study justifying it by saying we are too “busy.” It could be a missed opportunity to meet with other believers. It could even be a grudge, some wrong that we have not forgiven.

These seemingly small things can all be signs that something bigger is wrong. As a new creation in Christ, a believer should begin to look, act, and think more and more like Christ. If there is a bump in that journey of transformation and sanctification, then it may be time for an examination. Is there an area of un-confessed sin that needs to be addressed? Is there something you promised God that you have kept for yourself?

There are countless ways to wind up with fractures in our relationship with God. But if we’re really going to follow Him, we cannot follow our sinful flesh nature at the same time. These are contradictory ways of living and it just does not work. Got a “break” in your relationship? You can ignore it if you want, but sooner or later, you’ll hear a SNAP ... and it’s going to hurt.

If we had gone to the doctor after the first fall, I would not have gotten hurt on the second fall. A cast and some clear instructions would have kept me from playing acrobat and allowed my wrist to heal properly.  

Likewise, if we come in for mending at the first sign of trouble in our spiritual lives, the healing process can happen a lot faster. Some part of your walk with the Lord hurting today? He is the healer. He can make it better.

But you have got to make the visit.

[secondhandlessons]

Shoeless and clueless

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” ~ Ephesians 6:11

Living in the country, I developed the opinion that shoes were an option at an early age. Going barefoot was the norm during warm weather and my dirty feet had to be scrubbed daily. My mom may have wanted me to see it differently, but I did not.

We lived in true country, the kind where your house was surrounded by fields or trees and it took planning and time to take a trip into “town.” The fields that surrounded our house were the exotic stalks of tobacco. Huge stalks of tobacco were everywhere. Sometimes I would imagine they were the doorways to exotic foreign lands like jungles or some fantastic, mystical world. Since I also imagined that snakes were in the field, I stayed on the outskirts almost all of the time.  

But on one particular day, we decided to visit our neighbors. The quickest way to get to our neighbors was to cut through the tobacco field in between our two houses. I was outside playing, barefoot, and was invited to tag along and cross the barrier of the magical field of tobacco. In my excitement, I joined the expedition, but I was still shoeless. My parents did not notice I was still shoeless until we were well down the path. By that time, my full imagination had been ignited.

The trip across was great fun, and the tobacco stalks were taller than me. I could see a piece of the sky only if I looked directly up. This was prime imagination time. My parents might have been crossing a simple tobacco field, but I was on a safari, cutting through the stalks of a jungle, and hunting bad guys down as a warrior princess.

The battle was in full force. I stomped on leaves, dirt, bugs, and things no one else could see. Stomp, stomp, stomp!

And all of the sudden I saw a real enemy. It was a bee lifeless on the ground, but this was a no joke bad guy. Bees sting! Even if it was already harmless, the warrior princess in me wanted to stomp it into oblivion.

I pulled my knee up and with my heel stomped the lifeless bug as hard as I could.

STOMP!

STING!

Sting?  Dead bees can still have stingers? That was a new lesson for my preschool mind.

I just knew my whole foot was gone, it hurt that bad. My bravery flew out the window and I began to cry, and that was when my shoeless state was discovered by my parents.

Our poor neighbors were greeted with a tear streaked child whose filthy feet needed some first aid. Mrs. Nelms was a nurse, and she was very kind. In no time at all she had me back on my feet, and I stored away lessons about bare feet and bees, dead or alive.

The problem in this circumstance was not the bee. Not even the stinger on the bee. The real problem was that I did not have the proper tobacco field walking equipment – shoes. Sometimes as Christians, we are ill-equipped. We do not know our Bible because we are not putting on the equipment daily that God has provided us with.

Christians not spending time learning what God’s word says and then facing temptation, is like going outside with no shoes and expecting your feet to still be protected. You cannot face temptation and stomp the living daylights out of it, without the proper equipment.

Jesus illustrated this for us in the way he faced temptation in the desert. It is clear that Jesus knew God’s word, spent time learning it as a Jewish young man, because of how he responded to each of the temptations thrown at him.

What was weapon or equipment he used to face and defeat temptation? Scripture! Scripture, that was specifically from the Old Testament. Knowing our Bibles, praying and meditating over Scripture, is key to combating the temptation that we face.

The day of the bee sting I learned that I had the proper equipment to protect my feet, and all I had to do was choose to put my shoes on when I went outside, and I did almost every day after that.  God has given us the equipment, we just have to choose to put it on and take it in, or we just might find ourselves dealing with the “sting” of sin and its consequences.

[secondhandlessons]

Mud Trouble

“But we are all like an unclean thing, And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.” ~ Isaiah 64:6

I was, like most kids, an obstinate child. There was a particular time that I remember my stubbornness getting me into to some serious trouble. The kind of trouble where you get the “You- wait-till-your-father-gets-home” speech. 

When I was around four or so, my mom helped out a friend of hers by watching her two little boys in the afternoons on occasion. I don’t remember their names, what they looked like, or even if we were friends. But I do remember that I wanted to prove that I could do whatever they did. If they pretended they were pirates, then I would out swash-buckle them. If they were rock stars, I was convinced my dance moves were bigger and better than any they did. In my eyes, I was as old as they were, as smart as they were, and definitely more adventurous than they were.

In reality, they were older, and I had trouble keeping up. Especially the day it rained so much.

We lived out in the country so a big rain meant big mud. The ditch beside our house was a small river of mud after the really big rains, and on this day, it was really big. It was flowing like the Nile!  

Just before my sister, the two boys, and I were released to the outside world and all the possibilities it had to offer, we were given a stern warning to stay out of the mud. Just to be clear, Mom warned us to especially stay away from the ditch. For a while we did just that. Maybe we played games or pretended to be some animals of a mythical nature, or maybe we just ran.

But in time, the ditch called to us.

We approached the ditch for exploration - from a safe distance of course. By that I mean we were in a place we were pretty sure mom could not see us. 

At first, we threw things across the ditch.

Then we threw things in the ditch.

Then the boys jumped over the ditch.

They looked like they were flying and it looked like so much fun. I just had to give it a try.

Pushing as hard as I could, I jumped as high as any four-year-old ever has.

Was I flying like a bird, flying like a bee? … No. I was falling… like a rock. SPLAT! Right into the mud. 

When mom discovered my blatant disobedience, I knew immediately that I was in trouble. Actually, I was in so much trouble. After I was cleaned up, I was told to sit in the rocking chair in my room until dad got home.

She also told me to “think about what I had done.”

So I did. I thought about how much fun it had been. I thought of how I wished I could have made it across the ditch. I also thought about how the mud was gross. That lasted for about five minutes… and then I thought of something else.  

 I had no idea how long it would be before dad got home.

And I thought about how I did not like that I was in trouble. 

I waited… and waited… and waited… To me it seemed like hours. It was probably only a short while, since dad’s church was on the same property as the parsonage. But the worst punishment you can give a kid is the anticipation of punishment. I am not sure, but I think I got a spanking for that one. Maybe. But What I do I remember for certain is all the waiting. Waiting for punishment was terrible. 

My mom clearly told me to stay away from the mud, and the mud dripping off my clothes was clear evidence of my disobedience. It is the same with sin. You cannot hide sin from God.  It stains, ruins, and warps. As Isaiah once said, our righteousness is like filthy rags before God.  

God has clearly given some moral guidelines that are more than just suggestions or good ideas. They are instructions, clear lines drawn defining the parameters of how a Christian is to live. When we start playing outside those lines, sin stains us the way all that mud stained my clothes.  

So, stay away from the mud. Don’t play near it. Don’t investigate it. Don’t watch others having fun jumping over the ditch. Because sooner or later, you will fall in, and sin will have its cost.  

[secondhandlessons]

The Gift of a Lunchbox

“On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.” ~ Psalm 145:5

Being a second child I got to watch my older sister, go before me in just about everything. Before I could go to school, she was an expert. I loved watching Summer pack her bag, get ready for school, grab her lunch and leave every morning. I could not wait until the day would come that I would be able to take my lunch to school, just like my sister. 

The year I entered preschool I was convinced that I had finally hit the big times! This was it. I was headed to preschool. I would get to get ready like my sister, and take a lunch every day. Or at least that’s what I thought.

It turned out that my preschool was only half a day and I had no need for the pretty little lunchbox my mom bought for me.

Still, my mom somehow knew that the lunchbox was a big deal for me. She packed my lunch every day, side-by-side with my big sister’s lunch. Everyday mom drove me to preschool with my lunchbox on the seat beside me, and every day she kissed me goodbye… and took the lunch back home. 

I must have known on some level that it was not the same thing my sister was doing, but those lunches were so special to me. After preschool class ended, mom would pick me up, drive me home, and it was there that I would eat my little picnic lunches in our living room. I felt like such a big girl. 

My mom did not have to do those things for me. She did not have to take precious time out of her day to pack an unnecessary lunch for me, but she did. Her small acts of giving of her time and energy showed me just how much she loved me. 

Much like my mom, God has given us proof of his love for us in many seemingly small ways. And in some ways not so small. Just think of the trouble God went to, just today, just for you.

Maybe there was a cool breeze that refreshed you on a warm day. It could have been a splendid display of stars in the night sky that grabbed your attention for a moment, or a sunset that took your breath away. Not a believer yet? Think of it this way. Did God have to make sunsets so colorful? Couldn’t God have made them functional, and not fabulous?

Listen to the laugh of a baby. Find a way to study the intricate and delicate skin of a baby Kangaroo. It will blow you away. The God we serve is so creative and detailed! The universe declares God’s majesty, creativity, and unbelievable love for undeserving mankind.

He really packed a nice lunch for you, don’t you think?

When it was in front of me, I took my lunchbox for granted.  But looking back on it now, I can see that she did what she did because she loved me. She could have been more practical, but she knew I wanted to feel like a big girl. All it took was an extra lunchbox, and a few extra minutes.

Today I thanked her. It feels good to be loved.

And today, I will thank my Creator. He has surrounded me with beauty, covered me with His grace, and promised me eternity.  

[secondhandlessons]

Pacifier or Pacifist

“Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.”  ~ Psalm 25:8

Loosing a pacifier is tougher than you might remember. 

Or at least it was tough for me. 

We lived in North Carolina, where my dad was attending seminary. I do not remember much about those days, but what I do remember seem like big adventures for a small girl.

Our seminary apartment was very small, but my parents graciously gave my sister and me the larger bedroom so that we could play to our hearts content in there.

We had a little yellow table and chairs, where we had "tea." We played with everything Barbie. And so many times we held dances for an audience of stuffed animals, just my sister and me. And I had a pacifier. A "paci," we called it. 

When I was three, it was time for the paci to go.

Mom and my sister were away for the weekend, and dad decided that weekend was going to be The Weekend. He told me it was time to be a big girl. He asked for the paci, and I gave it to him. When I wanted it back, he distracted me. When I cried for it that night, he did not give in. 

It worked. I do not have a pacie now, in case you are curious. 

Oh, and there was one last trick. I found the paci again later, and I just could not resist tasting it again. It had been a comforting friend for so long, and I was sure it would be again. But it turned on me. It tasted terrible.

It turned out that someone had put a bit of rubbing alcohol on it. Maybe it was to sanitize it. It was pretty nasty. Sanitized or not, I did not like the taste at all, and from that day forward, I never wanted it again. 

Losing something I loved did not make me happy that day. But my parents knew it was time for me to grow up a little, and they made the tough decisions to get it done. Maybe it would have been easier for them to indulge me, and give me all that I wanted, as long as I wanted. 

But that is not the choice that leads to maturity. That is why God gives us good moms and good dads. If a son or daughter is going to grow up to be a school teacher, bank executive, or even the driver of an 18-wheeler, the paci really does need to go. The image of a trucker with a pacifier just does not work! 

From time to time, God does this with all of us. Sometimes it may feel like God is taking something great from us. Sometimes it may even feel like God is mean. 

But what can God see that we cannot see? What kind of maturing is needed in our lives before we can do something significant? When God works through pain, He might be pushing us, prodding us, and leading us. We do not know the outcome, and sometimes cannot even see the progress, but thankfully He knows. Trusting God in those uncomfortable, and sometimes agonizing times is crucial to growth as a Christian.

I do not know the future, so I trust God's leading.

All that I do know is that I do not want to be a "pacifier Christian." So if God needs to throw something away that is hindering my growth and maturity... then so be it. 

[secondhandlessons]

The Beginning

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, "Till now the LORD has helped us.” ~1 Samuel 7:12

For a person as easy going and laid back as I am, my story begins with a lot of strife and stress. After five years of marriage and four years of practicing their parenting skills on my older sister, my parents decided to try for another child and that is where I came in.

Unfortunately, there was a problem during the pregnancy. My mom suffered a stroke in the early months of her pregnancy. 

My dad tells this story much better than I do, which makes sense. He remembers the fight for life, I had not idea my entry to the world was such a struggle.

The stroke nearly took my mom's life. In the months that followed, she had brain surgery twice and endured a long and tough recover - all while being pregnant with me.

At home, dad was trying to care for my sister, keep his job, and make some of the most difficult decisions of his life. He has shared his story with many people, and when I was 17, he told me of the biggest struggle of all. The doctors were not sure how to take care of my mom, but early on, some of them recommended ending the pregnancy, in order to give mom a better chance of survival and treatment. Not knowing much at all about medicine, my dad found his strength in God and chose to fight for us both. I am thankful that he did!

My mom is the strongest person I know and my dad is the bravest. I can not imagine the feelings they experienced in those days, but knowing the kind of people they are and the character they have developed, out of tough situations, makes me proud to call them my parents. 

I was born on Good Friday. It was a quiet morning, I am told, and for a while, it was extremely quiet. Because mom’s labor started in the middle of the night, they delayed calling any family before my arrival. When I finally arrived, they were still alone. They like to tell people that after such a difficult journey during the pregnancy, that first hour of my life, when it seemed the whole world left them alone at the finish line, is the favorite memory of their entire marriage. God gave them rest after the storm. 

I love that my parents recognized then how special that moment was and that it was important to make an effort to remember that day - as a day that God blessed them.

That is part of the reason I want to begin this blog. It is mostly for me, so that like the Hebrews throughout the Bible, I can set up some spiritual markers of my own life. Call them Stones of Remembrances, if you like. Call them Ebenezer, if you want to use Samuel’s word for it. Whatever the case, I want to remember my story, and to find all the moments that point us to God. Some of those moments are really big, like the battle my parents had just bringing me into the world. Some are small, like the day I didn’t clear the ditch filled with muddy rainwater.

Whatever the lesson, I pray that God will be glorified in this.

And if it causes you to smile? That’s even better still.