Train graffiti - grammatically incorrect but in all other ways spot on. Serendipitous that I should see it tonight... This afternoon I learned that a family member took his own life yesterday. He was a second cousin, I didn't really know him. I remember him vaguely as a little boy; he was 29. By all accounts a man who should have every reason to live - a fiancée, a child, an MBA, a good job. Seemingly everything in life telling him to keep on living - what was it that told him to give up? Of course I don't know, and now no one ever will. But depression runs in our family - a crushing force from all sides. It's a brutal & unforgiving disease. It's sadistic in its tendency to tear you away from the things that might save you - from your family, your friends, from everything you once found joy in, everything that made your life worth living. People who don't know what depression feels like - they think it's just sadness. Feeling down in the dumps, bummed out. It's not like that. Depression is utterly isolating. It's a profound indifference - to life, and to death. Most of the time you wish you could feel sadness, because at least that would be something... some kind of emotion to remind you that you are part of this human menagerie on spaceship Earth. See there's a stigma to depression - as there is to all forms of mental illness. Other people can't see it. There's no blood, no bones tearing through skin. It's a flaw in brain chemistry, and if you haven't felt it it's really difficult to understand. I didn't know him, but he was part of me as much as anyone else and it hurts me to know that he struggled in silence. We are evolved to need one another, and there's no shame at all in asking for help. I know I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't asked for & accepted help. Life is worth living. Honestly I haven't figured it out beyond that. I may not know what I want to be, but I know that I want to be here. All I know for sure is that we have this window of time, and we've got to see it through. Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) #suicideprevention #mentalhealthawareness #depression #dontgiveuptheship
