Stuck on Stupid.

Somewhere between a sweetheart and a complete asshole.

[delicateivy-swiftgirl]

[selenamariae]

Lagi na lang ganito.

Ako talaga 'yung may problema. Hindi na ko nasanay kahit paulit ulit naman.

Suko na ko. Ayoko na. Tama na.

Gusto ko na lang mawala bigla.

[selenamariae]

Again

I thought I was okay or I wanted to believe I was okay.

But it's back and I'm hurting. Hurting even more.

So, I guess it was just a phase.

I can't stop crying as I'm typing..thinking what's wrong.

Drenched in loneliness and longing for comfort yet I don't want anyone to know and see me like this.

I never wanted this pain. I don't even have the slightest idea how this all started.

How long will I have to endure all of this?

I think I can't handle it anymore.

I'm weary.

Just make it stop.

[selenamariae]

July 31

Today, I decided to choose myself and just leave it be.

I'm tired of:

1. Overanalyzing things

2. Asking myself if there is something more to this. If I even matter to you? If I am nothing more to you? If it could happen someday? If we could even happen? I'm letting it go. All these what ifs.

3. Crying my eyes out

4. Getting tired out of nothing. (I'm tired of getting tired lol right)

5. Hurting

6. Questioning my worth

7. Pretending it's okay

8. Slacking

9. Not taking care of myself

10. Stressing out

11. Depriving myself of the things I know I deserve

12. Caring

13. Again, you

How can I let go of something I have never even held onto? I'm done with this. Done with everything. I can't do this anymore.

[selenamariae]

Still here

Everyday it gets worse. I don't have the motivation. I can't find the will. I have no idea what happened to me. Why I got here. To this point. I just feel empty, trapped, dead. I'm existing but I'm not living.

Think of happy thoughts, they say. Be grateful, i keep telling myself. I mean I should be, right? I have my family, my friends, a job, my dogs. Still, why? I can't remember the last time I was happy. I wish I knew where I lost it, when I lost it.

Today, I really felt I was on the verge of losing it. I wanted to scream my heavy heart out. I counted then whispered, "What the fuck is wrong with you. Stop it."

But as much as I want everything to end, I still think of my mom. It would be the most selfish thing to do...to leave her. I know it would break her heart. I will never have the guts to take my own life as much as I'd want to – I still can't. Though, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care if I do get hit by a bus or get in a car accident that might– that could end all of this. I would probably thank them lol. But I'm still here, trying, fighting, enduring all these demons trying to suck the soul out of me.

I don't exert on anything anymore yet I am tired 24/7.

[johannamanuela]

The same unique expression. 40 years time difference.

[skiesfullofstars]

This is probably the greatest post I have ever seen on tumblr. Ever.

[qkarissa]

She’s still so beautiful.

[jinxyourself]

she is stunning .

[4gifs]

[fukgirl-deactivated20150602]

i can’t wait to not have kids and spend all my money on myself

[shylabeef]

[selenamariae]

omfg me with my pups

[toradorkka]

Four Asian men thrown off an American Airlines flight from Canada to the US as their appearance allegedly made the pilot “uneasy” are seeking damages to the tune of $9 million.

Read more

[landrykilledyetanotherguy-blog]

“Would you go on vacation for $100,000?”

[aplague0fbitches-deactivated201]

I would take people out at the knees with a baseball bat to get front of the line access to a remote cabin in the woods where no one knows where I am and can’t contact me, all for a $100k reward after the fact.

[babyanimalposts]

[selenamariae]

such a cutie such gigiiiiil

[selenamariae]

May angels lead you in.

[thatfunnyblog]

[marjanroshan]

[just--space]

The perseids over the Sauerland, Germany, 2015/14/8

js

[likeacircuss]