Self-Conclusion @self-conclusionn-blog - Tumblr Blog

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You can't just decide one day that you want to be enlightened & then with that desire become it.

Much like a lot of things in your existence it must be worked for.

You cannot just think of being higher & reach that state.

You must meditate & train your mind.

To unlearn everything you think you are, so you can be what you're truly meant to be.

There is a lot to be said by the silence that only a quiet & open mind can hear.

So tune out of the physical relm & tune into the mental.

With time & practice a new mind will be achived.

#find yourself #spiritual world #higher state of mind #third eye wide #psycadelic society #what you think you become #perspective #connected #content

Dec 29 2015

This is a post to remember the day the stars sparkled & whispered 'we don't need you yet' & sent me home.

I don't remember falling out, just falling back in.

The room spin as I was pulled up & off the bed and across Chris who help me walk into the garage

I couldn't see straight, or walk straight.

I assumed between the countless beer bongs, tabs of LSD, uppers, & downers were to blame.

But that was just it.

The dangerous mix of uppers & downers that stopped my heart.

When I laid across the couch & heard the words enter my sphere 'you just o.d'd' I almost couldn't believe it.

I felt fine, other than rather high.

But it was true, 30 seconds had passed while I was out & I did not breathe, my heart didn't beat.

It took a swift slap to bring me back, & I say I was lucky that it was just that that was needed to plung me back.

It didn't feel real, till I really felt the concern & relief from the only two who saw what had almost become of me.

It was December 29th and I had died.

Only to write this memory down to remind myself it is that easy.

In the moon of the budding tree, I was gifted new eyes to see. All the shifting shapes & ways you can be. Wake the dreams into realities.

#nahko and medicine for the people #nahko bear #dreadlocks #dreads #locks #streatchedears #streatchedlobes #girlswithink #girlswithmods #happyhippie #myself #black and white

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What are you afraid of? Being left? Someone somewhere still loves you What are you afraid of? Being hurt? Pain is just another way to know your alive. And yes there is something beautiful in feeling something so deep. What are you afraid of? Change? I can promise you nothing stays the same and every new path just leads to a new experience What are you afraid of? Living? Love? Life and love are not afraid of you. Taking each moment as it is presents a new oppertunity to fall in love with something new. To feel again, and again, and again. To love so deeply and exist so truly is to know a certain kind of freedom birds in the sky sing about.

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This is why it matters: It matters because never in my life have I ever wanted someone to stay, I have always had a habit of leaving. I’ve always felt like the wind, like sand in someones hand. It matters, because I wanted you to stay so badly & now that you’re gone I can’t think of one person who I’m truly afraid of losing. when you left you took the home I found in your bones with you & goddamn i’m so homesick.

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you could have put that blade down two years ago & never wanna touch it again. Then one day the pain hits so hard & all you wanna do is feel pain that isn’t in your chest for once.

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March 1st 2015 It was spring, & the only thing that stuck was a cough a developed over winter from to many cigarettes & chain smoking. Everyone told me I would die from cancer, But never bothered to ask what I would rather die from. The pain or the smoke in my chest.

Feb 21st 2015 So I guess I finally realized you're not made up of flowers & the waves of the sun, like I always precived you. My friends always warned me about you. But I walked past your gates anyways. I saw the good in you, no one else could. & I believed so hard in it. But, I guess good intention buried beneath weeds & cobwebs can't really shine through. Leaving you with a damped soul, & no understanding of the definition of self control.

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I don't know where to turn anymore I just want to get away Home just doesn't feel like home anymore since you made your way.... & fuck yea I'm sad & fuck who knows when it'll all end So baby if youre missing me let me know.

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I promise if you fall in love with a drug addict it'll be the worst decision of your life...

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& you wanna know something? You were wrong. I do love myself, I hate myself when I am around you, You make me feel so insignificant I am wonderful & I am the universe concitered in brown eyes So damn you for making those brown eyes feel like dirt.

I can never sleep a night through, Because I always end up dreaming of you. But sometimes you kiss me in my dreams so I guess that's alright.

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Remember when everything was well And we kissed in drunken slur and the taste of vodka ran off both our lips And you dressed me in your favorite shirt and told me it looked better on me anyways The way your eyes brightened as you calls me beautiful And I swear when our bodies touched the whole damn world stopped & now when we kiss you ask if I've been drinking as the vodka spills from my lips & your favorite shirt hangs in the closet You look away as you tell me "you look good today" & damnit I wish the whole world would just stop.

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& when the dust settled & my eyes finally dried From the days & days Of crying over the possibility of losing you Is when I realized That maybe you weren't my forever & your last name was not mine to take But maybe we were only ment to learn from each other & grow Only to walk away & the only thing left for us to take from one and other Was no longer kisses before bed Or I love you's in the shower Maybe all there was left to take is the memories we were so lucky to make

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I'm so fucking depressed.....

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It's heartbreaking When you meet someone, & they turn your world around & make you forget how to breathe Everything they do makes your heart swoon with this feeling of pure infatuation. & this person turns out to be the one who tears you into a million piece Until sometimes you can't even recognize yourself. When you spend more time crying than smiling simply because you hold onto the hope that maybe things will get better But they don't So you're stuck with this choice of leave or stay & maybe you haven't quite made that choice yet Because leaving would mean being without them and lord knows you're going to be goddamn miserable that way So why not be god damn miserable with them by your side...

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I feel your breathe in the lake breeze that wraps itself around me the way daisies grow & consume the ground beneith them, Beautiful suffocation. I see the blue of your eyes behind the clouds of the July sky this morning. & every star in the sky has me wondering how many times before we met did our eyes both fall upon the same constellation

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