𝑨𝒀.

[saintgoku]

Sometimes i wish i never met you but if i never met you i might not be with the person i’m with right now

[selfsense]

starting over

when you’ve spent so much time doing things, using something, or being with someone and it ended, it’s never gonna be easy. honestly idk, i just adapting into some kind like a new “routine” like, i love my new routine, im USED to that. i dont want to have to start over, getting to know everything from the beginning again, imagine how exhausting it would be. although i dont know how this new thing will end up like, but the process is tiring as heck. i’d have to adjust, adapt, understand, and learn about it. why would i wanna do that when i already had a routine that i was comfortable with? right, it was getting toxic. 

bad endings have such huge impact on me not wanting to start something all over again. but guess what? we human have needs and we gotta pull some strings to make it happen and it fucking sucks and i wish i was a goddamn carrot.

[selfsense]

shit’s hard mf.

[selfsense]

how in the fuck did i manage to (almost) survive 21 years in this stupid world

[gocommitnotplayingrobloxanymore]

[selfsense]

fed up.

[selfsense]

have ur blood ever boiled every single fucking time u see or read or hear someone in particular’s name cz mine have.

[selfsense]

PSA.

[robloxpix]

[robloxpix]

[selfsense]

what is up ur ass?

[selfsense]

resenting one another.

[selfsense]

branching out

When I was younger, I mean, like when I was so little, I used to think that growing up would be fun because I’d get to try all of these stuffs that I couldn’t do as a child. As I grow older, yes, it is fun, but then comes the responsibilities, something that didn’t occur to me when I was a kid. I feel like high school was the last time I have ever felt as free as ever, I didn’t stress about my chosen university, I didn’t stress about what was going to happen after I leave the place, I didn’t stress about anything, it was all fun and games. While college is another different story. I have never been more stressed than I already am right now in college. To be quite frank, I’m lost. I’m in my last year of college and I’m not thriving. I’m struggling in getting an internship somewhere due to the pandemic that is going on in the world right now. But for that I realized more than ever that life will throw crap at you and you’ll still have to move forward. It has been the most difficult time for me, my family, and I believe everyone in this world to adjust to the circumstance we’ve been given and you just can’t do anything about it.

I always thought I got everything under control. I always put aside everything that worries me about the future because it gives me anxiety everytime I think about it so, I never knew what’s my next step in life is. Now I feel like that’s so wrong for me to do that. I should have had a strategy of how I want my last year in college goes. It was arrogant of me to think my parents with their professional connections would get me places, it’s not. It’s me with my own professional connections that will get me places. Me and my efforts to branch out, looking for internships, jobs, scholarships that will get me to the place I aspire to be at. I’m not quite there yet to figure out how I want my life to be, to be honest. The struggles of not getting any internship anywhere sort of made me realized this and man, I regret not doing EVERYTHING sooner. I’d always YOLO it, thinking that everything would work out just fine. Turns out you should always have something, a plan, under your sleeves. Therefore, you will spare you time from getting lost like I am right now.

[selfsense]

departure

its never a great decision to leave something great. you'll face the phase when you'll be bored with your significant other, or just the situation that you two have, but that will never be the reason to leave them. you'll just go through that phase and move to another phase. it's a temporary situation. but, there's also the time when you just have to leave because that is the only option you have and the only thing you're sure about. and of course its not wrong. fine, love is when you put someone else's priority before yours but sometimes, you cant just push it. you just have to stop at some point so, you leave. if something belongs to you, no matter how many time you leave that thing, it will always come back to you. and when you leave someone you love, i can assure you, you cant 'unlove' that person just like that. everything needs process. and maybe by leaving, you'll realize something you've never realized before.