I don't even know where to begin. I feel strange for even being this upset about it when I know there are bigger problems in the world. Heck, I've had bigger problems in my own life. But still, here I am. Upset because I think my best friend of 4 years isn't my best friend anymore. While it didn't happen overnight, it did happen rather quickly. We used to hang out every week, talk almost every day. Now, she never calls or texts. It's always me. My invitations to get together go unanswered or get declined. I noticed the pattern last week and asked if I did something wrong. She assured me that she just hasn't been herself. But still, I get the feeling that's not the case. And I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do, really. I want to ask again but worried I'll come off like a creep. I mean, we are (were) best friends, not married. I want to invite her to hang out but don't to be turned down again. It's strange. If I was having this problem with someone else, I would talk to her about this. But I can't. I know that friendships ebb and flow, that this is a normal part of relationships. It still hurts, though. It hurts when the other person has moved on from your friendship. I've replayed all of our recent conversations in my head, wondering what I've done wrong. I can't think of anything. I don't have a lot of friends. Hardly any, really. So, I wonder if I'm an asshole that can't recognize her own wrong doing or just the kind of person that is generally unlikable. That makes it even harder. Not only losing your best friend, for reasons unknown, but losing your only real friend. She hasn't been unkind. Just distant. It would be very out of character for her to be mean to someone. This is another reason why I feel that asking her, again, if something is wrong would be pointless. She wouldn't say "I just don't feel that close to you anymore" because she knows it would hurt my feelings. Besides, is that something I really want to hear anyway? Or is it just better to let it go unsaid? Either way, it hurts. The hurt is somewhere between a breakup and a death. I need to move on. But first, I need to grieve the loss of a friend and find a new pattern to fill the hole that is left. How do you do that? What do you do when you want to pick up the call but feel like your call will be unwelcomed? I am so thankful,for the time we've spent together as friends these past four years. She knows my deepest secrets and my shortcomings but still chose to call me her best friend. Until now. What do I do now?
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