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I can’t wait until I finish school and make enough money to gift my friends what they deserve

I’ve run away from this issue a lot. I never want to think about it or talk about it to anyone. I kinda just deal with it alone in silence, which clearly isn’t working. This topic was brought up with a friend the other night and it’s easier to talk to her about it because we have similar life experiences and she’s the only friend I have who’s personality is extremely similar to mine. Anyways. I literally cried and I never realized how much it was affecting me until that night. I’m aware that I run away from my problems (some of my friends know that too I’m sure Kristen knows that best HAHAH) but I never realized that I like run. Like I SPRINT AWAY.

I just want someone to talk to about this. I can pretend like it never happened. I can pretend none of it ever happened, but the fact is that it did. It’s always going to be in the back of my mind. I’m always going to get reminded about it someway and some how. I don’t know what to do.

I’m really glad to have reconnected with Mark. It’s really nice having a friend I can be myself around and just have talks like this. I haven’t had a friend like this in what feels like a very long time.... My life has felt so lonely lately. So routine. I really appreciate moments like this.

I am feeling overwhelmed. How do I find time to go out and spend about 2 hours doing laundry? I only have 2 pairs of scrubs and you have to wear scrubs, but you can’t wear scrubs that aren’t from the school. If I were to buy another pair it would cost me $35, which is fucking ridiculous. How did the cohort above us say they got everything done 5 weeks ahead? NAISNSKWNSKANS

Sometimes I just wanna get my priorities straight and say no to hanging out with friends. Hopefully they’ll understand.

I miss having someone to casually drink with. People think I drink to get fucked up, but I just like enjoying a cold beer with a meal. I like having a drink and having long deep talks. I’m not some raging alcoholic lol

I wished we had more time for each other.

I don’t want to adult I miss being able to spend time with my friends :< I used to see them once a week and now I never see anyone.

I always get this feeling that I’m not welcomed whenever I come home. I know they don’t like me. I can understand Vietnamese more than I can speak it. I know and understand the things they say. They don’t like it that I act like I “live” here. I always try to stay out of their way. I don’t use the kitchen after 3pm. I don’t do laundry on the weekends, sometimes I even go outside to do laundry cause they don’t like me using their laundry machine. I wait until after 11pm to get ready for bed even though I’m already tired by 9:30-10pm because they don’t like me using the bathroom. I’ve even stopped showering here. I do everything I can to not get in the way, but whatever I do they still have something to say.

I wished I knew what it was like to have a close and loving family. I don’t have a connect with any of these people. We all know that if I died they wouldn’t feel anything and if they died I wouldn’t either. It’s so lonely here and so depressing. I just want to skip to the part where I’m done with school and can move out.

I just want to be enough for someone

No ragrets

Kristen is that one friend I have in my life that I really look up to. I’ve been friends with her for so long and I’ve seen her grow into this amazing person. I really hope that I’ll be able to grow into such a kindhearted and good person like her. We don’t talk much, but she’ll always be one of my favorite people and someone that I will always do anything for. EVEN KILL. Jk don’t report this post.

The holidays with Aileen, Sho, Alex, and Andy makes me so happy. I gave Barry so much scratches and kisses, I’ve missed him so much ☹️ THE BESTEST BOI

It’s extremely rare to find people who vibe at the same frequency as you. Mark is one of those rare people for me and I feel so grateful for that.

I miss life before things got crazy busy. I miss being able to hang out with you. You were the only friend who was down and could keep up with me. Our lives are so boring and tame now LOL. I guess that’s bound to happen as we get older. I know the baby is keeping you busy and school is for me. I just wished we could go back every now and then ☹️

I want to be able to do what I want to do. I want to be able to hang out with my friends without worrying about how upset someone is at me for doing so. I want to do things my friends are doing. I want to be able to talk about how much fun I had with my friends without feeling like someone would be upset that I went to hang out with my friends and having fun without them.

I just want to live my life. I’m only 24. I’m allowed to have fun.... this girl was talking about how this happens to her too. She wasn’t able to live her life and have fun with her friends because a certain person would make her feel bad for it and she called it emotional abuse. I don’t know if that’s what this is because I don’t fully understand what emotional abuse is, but I just know that it isn’t that that I feel bad for wanting to have fun and wanting a life outside of this one person. I feel so trapped and so sad.

I wished I had someone who understood this feeling and could help me. I just want someone there.

I’m stuck in this cycle and I know I need to break out of it, but I don’t know how. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this.

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