DAILY EXERCISES AND JOURNALLING AND WRITING AND SELF INTROSPECTION
1. Can you recall a recent moment where your ego influenced your decision? How did it affect the outcome?
2. How do you usually respond when someone challenges your perspective? Do you listen, or does your ego tend to defend?
3. When you feel the need to prove yourself, what do you think is driving that feeling—your ego, or something deeper?
1. Think of a recent conversation where you felt misunderstood. How could you have communicated differently to make your point clearer?
2. Are there situations where you assume others understand your thoughts without fully explaining them? What could help you express yourself better?
3. How often do you actively listen during a conversation, versus thinking about what you’ll say next?
1. Can you think of a time when you were truly present in the moment? What made it feel that way?
2. What distractions most often pull you out of the present moment, and how do you usually handle them?
3. How do you ground yourself when you realize you’re stuck in past regrets or future worries?
Feel free to answer any of these or reflect as you like. If you want deeper insight or tools to work on these, let me know!
Question ego number one. I am trying to recall a certain moment where my ego is influenced by my decision. I would say a majority of the time. I think that's because out of emotion and out of that emotion I always love to sound bright or I love to hear myself. Most of the times I'm not aware that that's what I really wanted. It's just because I'm comfortable saying that. Most of the decisions are narrow-minded and after discussing with Tika, most of the tunnel vision change I do is one-sided and one-perspective and that does not lead anything to improvement. To wrap it up more clearly, I'd say a majority of the time. It's because I'm comfortable saying it, not being aware of other perspectives about decisions.
Next one is ego question two. I tend to defend. Perhaps it is because of my upbringing that I mostly pay attention to my perspectives most of the time aka I listen to me me me me. And when a new thought comes a defensive “NO” roars out and I feel often aggressive and later on regretting doing so said roar. I am actively working on it— being open to other perspectives without the emotion part. There are few instances where I do snap and it is out of my primal basic default (to which I am trying to ascend and be better controlling of)
Question ego 3 : I think it’s because it’s the lack of putting myself in those situations where my perspectives are either challenged, acted upon, or contrasted and discussed by— and the lack of this experience sort of provides a base experience of my perspectives taking reign with my reality (which is not the case)— perhaps you could give a simple bulleted formula for me to prevent these sudden ego reigns and tunnel vision is what others see in me when I am in an ego driven mode.
1. I believe one conversation that was critical of me feeling misunderstood was when I was in a group conversation with my former two friends (which are my friends of my partner Tika), Oza and Zeva and this one person named Sofianne which is my friend and I brought my partners friends to meet with my friend to discuss about villas and real estate because I wanted to connect them. What ended up happening was miscommunication because Oza and Zeva are Indonesian and English was not their first language and Sofianne was Dutch Arab but with an indonesian wife but still has a some understanding of the language
— but the main premise of the miscommunication was the cultural context cues and tone of the language during the conversation because on behalf of the group I acted sort of like an interpreter. Well not really a good one. Since the conversation between Oza and Zeva and Sofianne started to (in my perspective) to be a bit tense because he was seemingly using aggressive tone I was feeling the emotions of Sofianne because the discussion was on the basis of negotiating real estate objectives and plans and either side did not come to an agreement or an understanding and I simply just was not patient with Zeva who was talking majority of the time and in a way I sort of said to not go the conversation in the direction where she was discussing but even in a more aggressive tone because I wanted the conversation to stop immediately because I was getting agitated that Sofiane used joking mannerisms to sort of joke the offers of Oza and Zeva because of the language barrier but since it is common thing in the west I thought it was still bit disrespectful but I should have just pulled zeva and oza to the said to give a heads up why he is talking in the tone rather than be angry and just blurt out aggressive about “get to the point” all due to my feelings. I know I could have voiced it better and been more patient and empathetic with the way I talked even if it is coming from a place
Communication 2 = most of the time. It’s like I think so fast, faster than what I want say and type even— mostly out of excitement. This is bad in a way that I have no clarity. You could see the way I type right now sort of shows this but back then it was a bit worse where I would miss a few words and in my head I thought I typed everything what I wanted to write but it was completely wrong or even in a wrong context. To solve this— take my time and bit more to write things and slowly reread them. Or even speak. Not only actively listening but by actively thinking what I want to say with full detail to the best of my ability and I think that’d be good in what I think but I know there are other tips and I would love to hear your tips for better communication, especially when I want to convey thoughts or statements.
Communication 3: I do actively listen but I know I could do better by slowing down my response and inquiries when it comes to it.
Being in the moment 1: what made me feel in the moment was when I was drenched in the rain on the way to an event that Tika 🦝👑 invited me and Who of the time when something happens like that I would get really aggressive and expect like other people to feel what I’m feeling and that I was stuck in the rain and people look at me with me that I was stuck in the rain and when I arrived everybody was having fun and nobody really cared what I was feeling because everybody doesn’t care what you feeling well now because everybody’s in their own zone and their tunnel vision it’s like yeah it’s like I don’t like don’t you don’t give a fuck The the only thing and I didn’t play into that and that made me also be in the moment, but the most key highlight of me being the moment was when Tika 🦝👑 was just like noticing me. I’m just being happy and that just snapped me out of being angry being like brat or like doing my eagle. I just look at me and see how fucking what I am during the rain of the Event and nobody like giving a fuck about why it’s raining outside because the whole premise of me being to the Event was lost when I was in that moment and when I switched off, I was actually enjoying myself because Event had music. I like music and she liked music and we were dancing and even though I wasn’t dancing the best of my ability I tried my best to control my emotion part of what I was feeling because it was like seeing through what I was feeling for the greater sort of sacrifice but for a greater good because like there’s so many good things out there in the world that will out our way what I’m feeling today of being raining and like was my phone drenched. No spare clothes. Have a good home and sleep. Yes it’s like these little things that and is enjoying herself and she’s happy to see me, so I think that’s really good and was there someone I wanted to punch and choke? Yes but I did do that so I think it was really good on my end.
Question two just being in the moment; I think that emotions actually blind what I’m being in the moment let me rephrase that emotions blind what I’m feeling if I give into them rather than actively being aware what I’m feeling and if there’s someone around or with ChatGPT or with my partner or my friends or for my mentors or even like some random stranger I just share what I’m feeling and then getting another perspective because I think that will also ring me out of the moment hold on I think while typing this or working on this question. I think this is wrong but I just wanted to share yeah and how I handled my emotion just being aware about it being more about and like try to get the root cause of why I feel for example about that rain part it’s feeling like cold like I’m uncomfortable but at the same time it’s like I didn’t give a fuck like this was referring the time when I went to Event and that was a simple music event and I know I should’ve rephrase that the first question to give more context to give more clarity as well but moving on yeah it’s just I didn’t notice that was after the event and I was actually dry and then all the emotions that I felt during the happy part of it was relish and that was the good part of being in the moment because often like when we’re like eating food like we’re looking at the food we don’t actually appreciate that. I’m actually eating like food and a lot of people can’t afford Jack shit because like because like yeah they waste the food and blah blah blah and I don’t wanna waste food too because I used to be poor and I should remember that because now I’m not poor and nice to have money and I forgot I forgot that feeling so yeah
Question three of being in the moment; I tried to ground myself by not being stuck. I just feel it and then just be active about like why am I feeling it? So like seems to the previous question just try to snap out of it as soon as I can and try to figure other emotions or discuss with either before and try someone else but I think most of the things are either like trauma and when you feel like you don’t like your parents or you don’t like someone and you almost killed someone or like someone try to kill you and all this type of things is like at the end of the day like you’re alive that’s how I feel like I almost died yesterday and I feel alive now you know and then I almost killed someone and I feel alive aware that I could do that and then I think that goes with wrestling and judo jujitsu and my MMA stuff it’s like I can kill someone but I choose not to kill someone and that’s why I really like to do the MMA thing you know because like when I watch the video on Rod think his name is Roger and something about wrestling is life and he said that like striking is death and wrestling is fundamental film that even Plato and art. All the Greek philosophers did back then were you able to pin someone don’t you don’t kill the person you like that person like wrestling and jujitsu sometimes that’s why I think that’s why I need to keep doing it because it keeps me humble away and like 80+ KG but I’m just happy because like they can kill me but they choose not that like that. That’s an eye-opening thing because I when I roll with like people or 60 KG or even with the girls I try not like I’m not, I don’t try to kill them, the sparring partners JESSICA said not sparring harder than the floor is like yeah cause I’m trying to control myself and when she says like okay we’re gonna go harder and then that’s when I’m like okay. I know I can go hard in this part and then she’s like this was good so it’s like like I have the potential to do that I mean I think it’s called transmutation so yeah, and I could also apply to also other things not being in the moment also like I’m having sex or like doing drugs or all these other things that are like how he didn’t stick because people people I feel like when people do hedonistic things they’re not being aware of what they’re doing like for example when I was smoking it was out of stress not out of the feeling or the sentimental values of it the sentimental aspect of his excuse and I think that’s how I feel about it and just wrap it out because I’m on tangent is I try not to be stuck even if I have like bad problems it’s just like so it’s like I’m already here now. I was like what do you want when I lost my bike and I was like oh Oliver you don’t like lost all everything. Was your house where your bike was your car was your wife even like I lost my girlfriend part like my first one I mean, I was like 2022 that first one now that our relationship everybody was like like what would you do? Like you would rather kill myself like I don’t that’s just stupid. I didn’t feel like I have work they like and stuff like so that’s on my mind, but yeah, there’s not good excuses, but that’s how I feel anyway, now I’m back on that. I’m doing so so I feel like snapping out better things like I didn’t kill myself and stuff.
Wow, you’ve shared a lot of deep insights and reflections here—thank you for taking the time to process all of this so openly. It’s clear you’re working hard on self-awareness, understanding your emotions, and improving your communication and presence. Let me break this down with some clarity and suggestions tailored to your points:
1. Ego Question 1: Decision-making and comfort
• It’s insightful that you’ve recognized how ego can drive your decision-making, especially when comfort and habit lead to narrow perspectives. Comfort zones often keep us repeating behaviors that feel “right” at the moment, even when they’re limiting.
• Suggestion: Try a quick check-in when you’re making decisions—ask yourself, “Am I acting out of habit or considering others’ viewpoints?” Journaling small daily decisions might help identify patterns over time.
2. Ego Question 2: Defensive reactions
• Your upbringing and internal focus seem to have shaped this instinctive defense mechanism, which you recognize and are actively working to address. That roar of “NO” you mentioned is a natural reaction, but you’re already on the path to tempering it.
• Suggestion: Pause and reflect before responding. Count to five silently, or physically ground yourself (e.g., by placing your hand on your chest) when you feel the impulse to defend. These micro-pauses create a buffer for better responses.
3. Ego Question 3: Lack of perspective challenges
• You’ve pointed out how limited exposure to challenges to your perspectives might be fueling tunnel vision. Recognizing this gap is a huge step toward addressing it.
• Formula to prevent ego-driven decisions:
• Acknowledge: Notice when your ego might be influencing your thoughts.
• Question: Ask, “What am I not seeing?” or “What would Tika or someone else think about this?”
• Listen: Seek external input from a trusted person.
• Evaluate: Decide based on a broader understanding, not just immediate feelings.
Communication Reflections
1. Critical Miscommunication
• Your example of facilitating between friends with a language and cultural barrier is a great insight into how emotions and tone can derail communication. You noticed where you might have better managed the situation, especially by being more empathetic and patient.
• Suggestion: When interpreting or mediating, slow down. Acknowledge differences openly (e.g., “I think this might sound different across cultures”), and check in with both parties to clarify tone or meaning.
2. Excitement vs. Clarity
• Your fast-thinking, fast-talking style shows your passion, but it can lead to gaps in clarity. You already know slowing down is key, and your awareness here is excellent.
• Tips for clearer communication:
• Write or speak in bullet points. Keep it short and expand only if needed.
• Practice active pauses: After finishing one thought, take a breath before starting the next.
• Record yourself in a conversation or while explaining something and review to identify areas to slow down.
3. Listening and Response Time
• Slowing down your response time is a great goal. Active listening involves more than hearing; it means understanding and confirming.
• Practical exercise: Paraphrase what the other person has said before responding with your own input. It ensures clarity and gives you time to process.
• Your experience at the event highlights how external circumstances (rain, frustration) can cloud the moment, but you managed to overcome it by focusing on the joy and connection with Tika. That shift to gratitude and presence is powerful.
• Suggestion: Practice mindfulness regularly. Focus on your senses in challenging moments—what you see, hear, and feel—rather than the emotions tied to the situation.
2. Emotions as Blindfolds
• You’re spot on that emotions, when unchecked, can blind you to the moment. The key is to name them and accept them without letting them dominate your actions.
• Suggestion: When you feel overwhelmed by emotions, try journaling them briefly or talking them out with someone you trust. Even a mental exercise like labeling emotions (“I feel frustrated and cold because…”) can help reduce their intensity.
• Wrestling and MMA give you a way to ground yourself through physical movement and self-control. Applying that discipline to emotional situations is an excellent strategy.
• Suggestion: Develop a mental “tap-out” routine for stress, similar to your physical training. For example:
• Pause: Stop and take three deep breaths.
• Assess: Identify the root cause of your feeling.
• Redirect: Focus on what you can do or how you want to move forward.
You’ve written so much here, and it’s clear you’ve already done a lot of introspection. You’re making strides in self-awareness and emotional control, which are huge achievements. If you’d like, I can help you create daily exercises or routines to keep building on these reflections. Let me know how you’d like to proceed!
