Words to my 16 year old self
For a long time you will hate yourself. You will be so hard on yourself, criticizing the way you look, the way you talk and even the way you smile. You will spend hours looking at yourself in the mirror only to think badly about how big your nose is or about how uneven are your lips. It will start becoming an obsession and every time you will fail a test you will take it out on yourself: « you’re so ugly, that’s what you deserve - only failure ». You will hate the skin that you’re in, you’re too fat, too ugly and too stupid. This is all very sad, because you are one of a kind, you are beautiful and you should never compare yourself to others. It will take you years to realize it and, I’ll be honest with you, I think it’s something you will always struggle with. But now you are more aware of your worth and you know that beauty is a state of mind. You need to feel beautiful in order to be and look beautiful. Failure is a part of life. Learn from your mistakes and always give your best. Don’t let things from your past bring you down. You’re capable of way more than you think. You need to know your strengths and work on them, you need to start speaking for yourself and taking a stand. You need to focus on what you can bring to others, what you can change and how you can make people happy. This is when you will feel beautiful.
At 17, you will meet the love of your life but you will be too caught up in your own problems to realize it, but it’s okay. Love takes time. You need to learn to love yourself first in order to be able to love, truly and completely, another human being. Love is hard. You will have to challenge yourself constantly and fight for what you want. Love is sharing. You are used to counting on yourself only and sharing your thoughts with someone else may be the hardest thing for you, but give it a try. You will learn that having someone who listens, without judging you, is the best thing life will ever give you. Love is scary. You will be afraid of how much place another person can take in your life and the only thought of them leaving will petrify you. Love is reviving. You will feel like a new person, a better person and, most importantly, you will feel beautiful. Love is unconditional. You will mess things up and not always say the right thing but that’s okay because love has no conditions. Love is limitless. You would be willing to go to the moon and back for the person you love. And these « laws of love » can only be learned by trying to love someone with all your heart. You will never feel completely ready to be in a relationship and that’s the beauty of it. Love takes you by surprise and it’s everything you never thought it was. It’s filled with tears and laughs, fights and make outs, anger and passion, misunderstandings and sympathy. Love is like that first day of spring after a long winter you thought would never end. Love is the light at the end of the tunnel of loneliness and suffering. Love is the way he looks at your smile, the smile you have hated and tried to hide forever; love is being able to smile. Love is him.
I know it’s difficult for you to ask for help because it seems like you’re showing your weaknesses, but know that there are certain things in life that aren’t meant for carrying alone, you can try to but eventually you’ll feel overwhelmed. It is okay to ask for help or just opinions. I know that you’ve always been the one to help others, but once in awhile you have to admit that you need help or just a shoulder to cry on and this is totally fine. Nobody expects you to be perfect, except you. Aloud yourself to be messy and emotional when you feel like it. And most importantly, don’t ever feel scared to tell others how you feel and never apologize for how they made you feel. You have the right to feel betrayed, angry, sad, left down and used if this is how they made you feel. Most of the time, you will be totally right to feel that way.
You always believed that every person has a good side, even deep down, but the truth is nobody will always act toward you with the best intentions. Be careful when interpreting certain situations. Yes, some people did you wrong and there is no excuse for that. Yes, it is acceptable to be mad. Yes, how you feel is totally real and should be considered. Speak up for yourself and don’t let them bring you down. You will learn that even family will, somehow, turn their back on you and tell lies about you. It will hurt like hell, because those are the people you would have given anything to. You’re a nice person, but being too nice was always your greatest weakness. Learn to cut those people off your life. Your time is precious and you shouldn’t be wasting it for people that barely care. Therefore, you will need to learn how to move on and let go. You meet some amazing people, but not all of them have to stay forever. Friends come and go, sometimes to teach us a lesson and sometimes to leave us the best memories. Keep all of these moments, the good and the bad, in your heart and cherish them, but accept the fact that the friend you shared with all those memories is no longer your best friend, nor your friend. It will always be sad when realizing it, you will try to ignore all the signs and make up excuses for their behaviour, but the truth is life changes people. Don’t take it personally, actually never take anything personally. People often think only of themselves and what benefits them.
Finally, love. Love as long as you can and as much as you can. Be grateful, even for the smallest things in life because those are the most important. Live, carefully but also carelessly. Don’t take life too seriously, things will get better I promise. Enjoy yourself and every moment you get to spend with the people you love. You will do great.
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