Lan Wangji makes extremely deadpan videos of his daily life with Wei Wuxian and their kids and nephews (and nieces if JC and JYL had more). This would include:
*shows a video of LWJ staring out the window for a solid thirty seconds, face entirely unchanged and somewhat disappointed, turns camera around to show Wei Wuxian and the kiddos putting mentos in soda bottles and trying to chuck them at each other, camera pans back to his face, still entirely devoid of emotion*
That one time Jin Ling got stuck up a tree and Wei Wuxian tried to get him down and also got stuck up there and now the other kids are looking for a ladder while LWJ just watches them from the patio, drinking tea. The kids finally give up and shamefully come to LWJ and ask him for help, he gets his husband and nephew down without a word.
The one where he buried 5yo A-Yuan in a pile of bunnies and got scolded by Lan Xichen for it because they might bite him if they get annoyed with him.
There is an entire compilation of rabbits that wonāt leave him alone. Climb into his lap. Follow him with every step. Get excited when he comes outside. Hear a guqin and start looking for him. Just. Heās the rabbit whisperer. One of the black ones is just about always with him.
Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian interacting in any capacity is going to involve a lot of hitting each other and pushing each other over. Only-child kids think they hate each other, but people with siblings are all āno no, siblings are just Like Thatā. People think Yanli is all innocent till they realize she def only tells them to stop when she thinks they might actually get on each otherās nerves. Sheās in the āboys will rough house and probably only have one collective braincellā category.
People wonāt stop asking him if he speaks so he vaguely makes mentions of having extremely low verbility. They ask if he does sign and heās not really sure how (lol cause words hard) to explain to them that sign doesnāt really help when the issue is more of him not having much to say tbh. This is apparently the wrong thing to say because then people start being all āyeah I get you, Iām pretty dumb too, at least youāre prettyā and heās just sorta sitting there with this smacked fish look on his face while WWX canāt stop laughing next to him at the very idea of someone calling his husband slow. Wow. LWJ just sorta finally gets out that he has like two degrees and teaches giqun lessons and itās amazing. The kids find out about it and canāt stop laughing for hours.
āHey, why did you name your son āsorrow and longingā?ā *commense 10 minute video of that time Wei Wuxian got arrested for something to do with a satanic ritual and thatās when LWJ ended up with custody of his adopted son for the next three years and he was in a really angsty mood tbh so it just kinda happened* not a single commenter expected that, even less so when he mentions that they werenāt even together at that point
Films what the viewers think is a prank at first, where he pours a dangerous amount of chili powder into a mug of hot chocolate (with a completely straight face) and then brings it to WWX who takes a drink and makes a dreamy little sigh and goes āyou always know how to make it just like I want itā and no one is sure how to react to this video. Itās like watching someone peel and eat a lemon.
You know that video of the girl with the deadpan voice saying she went downstairs to take a shower and there was something brown in the bottom of the tub but it turned out to be potatoes and sheās all ānot a problem I was expecting, but a problem I can handleā? Okay so thatās how he talks in every video. WWX hands him a baby and he talks to them exactly like that. People ask if heās good with kids and WWX is all āyeah, heās not just a rabbit whisperer, heās a baby whisperer too, heās super great with kidsā *shows LWJ talking to a baby in That Voice while the baby looks at him in utter adoration*
āWhatās it like growing up gay? Do you ever get shit for it?ā LWJ.exe has stopped working, he has only met one straight couple the same age as him and theyāre his sister in law. His brother has three boyfriends, one of which is his brother-in-law. He doesnāt know what a het-er-o-sexual is and he doesnāt want to. Pretty sure his uncle is acearo and hasnāt seen his parents in like 20 years.
LWJ: āI apologize for being so emotional in my last video.ā *viewers scrambled to find what video he meant because they aināt ever seen that man emotional before but end up finding a video where Sizhui told him he loved him and called him papa and gave him a hug while WWX filmed, you can barely see LWJās left eye twitching and he pets Sizhuiās head for a moment* viewers are very confused on how this constitutes emotionalism.
Viewers ask to see his brother āyou know, the one who apparently has three boyfriendsā and LWJ posts a video of LXC passed out on a couch with like three fully grown men all in various states of sliding off onto the floor while the teens play a game of āwho can stack the most random objects on uncleās bodies without them wakingā because apparently LWJ and WWX were gone for a weekend and the uncles were supposed to watch the kids (like, all ten of them probably, thereās probably a lot of kids) and itās Sizhui filming the whole thing cause heās the āgood oneā and never does bad things. But heās also like Auntie Yanli and is totally gonna egg them on from the sidelines.
WWX hands LWJ literally any food and LWJ will eat it all with a completely straight face but as soon as WWX is turned around LWJ is chugging a glass of milk with a look of death on his face. The kiddos straight up canāt stomach his cooking.
š someone asks why their hair is all so long and LWJ puts up a video of chatty adorable Sizhui braiding WWXās hair while he tells him about his day at school. Itās. Too. Cute.
The never ending debate on if LWJās deadpan personality/speech is acting or not. No matter how much everyone assures them heās really just Like That people just arenāt convinced.
Someone points out several times that in their house they have a room with a satanic symbol on the door. Thatās just WWXās home office itās all good. This is treated as ālol WWX is so dramaticā for like four whole weeks before LWJ posts a video of Sizhui standing outside the office looking nervous. āWhatās wrong?ā He says. āDad called me into his office.ā Sizhui replies. āWWX must be a very strict father,ā the viewers think. Thatās not it. Thatās not it at all tbh. That video got flagged on like four different platforms and kept getting removed for graphic images and half their viewers donāt. Want. To know. What happened. In that office. (WWX doesnāt even see what the big deal was, that goat was dead when he bought it shut up.)
The others do videos sometimes too lol. Videos include
Jin Lingās compilation of āMom, whatās for dinnerā and the answer is Always Lotus root and pork rib soup. Someone asks ālol she must make that oftenā and JL is all ālol often, fairly sure she got same-food syndrome, itās always soupā.
Lan Sizhui at like 17 years old: The one true secret Iāve never told my dads? My most shameful lie? Rabbits arenāt my favorite. My favorite is butterflies. *proceeds to cuddle a bun* Iām sorry Mister Bun, but you just arenāt nearly as pretty as butterflies.
Shaky video of someone sitting on the couch, pointed at NMJ: Brother, while youāre away on vacation with your boyfriends, I donāt plan on leaving this spot for even a minute. NMJ: Oh yeah? Whatāll you do when you have to use the bathroom? NHS: Listen, I found a guy on Craigās List whoās exact fetish is lazy young men who refuse to move and also diapers exist and heāll be my slave for the week if I let him change me. NMJ: ...Iām taking you with me on vacation. NHS: Yay! NMJ: Iām also taking your phone away. NHS: -wait, no- NMJ: Too late.
Jin Ling: JiuJiu, I spilt soda on your Valentino white belt. Jiang Cheng: *incomprehensible sputtering* -soda on my Valentino white belt-!
Sizhui: *brings Jingyi a bowl of food* Here. Jingyi: Thank you! *takes a bite, face falls in terror, gives Sizhui a betrayed look* Sizhui: Dadās worried Iām getting sick, he said this would clear my chest cold up. He didnāt consider what horrible things it would do to my bowels instead. Please eat it, he gets sad when I donāt finish what he makes. Jingyi: *glaring* Just dump it down the garbage disposal! Sizhui: *def has a fever if he didnāt think of that* Oh. Good idea.
LWJ: *swaying in place* WWX: This bitch drunk as hell. LWJ: Iām. Gonna comit. A crime. WWX: *crying a little* I love drunk hubby times. A full shot of vodka and heās not gonna remember any of this. Hey kids, Iām taking Papa on a walk! Sizhuiās in charge!
Zizhen: *sitting quietly on the couch while LSZ, LJY and JL all argue behind him somewhere, covering his mouth with a slightly horrified look* Jingyi: I mean, thatās not fair at all! Who HASNT made out with their cousin at one point or another? Ling: ... Sizhui: You said youād never bring that up again please shut up. Ling: ...!!!!!! Zizhen: Amazing.
That one time the kiddos hypnotized Jin Ling into thinking he was a kitten. The adults all thought it was really weird that he was finally going through the whole āpretending to be an animalā phase at like ten, but then the kiddos fessed up to learning how to hypnotize and they arenāt sure how to fix it. WWX instigated a rule that no brainwashing is allowed outside his office from now on.
People ask how WWX and LWJ met and itās told from the POV of Lan Qiren who progressively getting drunker as he tells the story of the terrible high school romance that he had to watch between bad boy WWX and his precious baby angel nephew that made him consider quitting and how no one believed them when they insisted they didnāt get together till after WWX got out of jail for the cow incident.
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