How do you (“how does one”) shop for a therapist?
Can you call up a therapist and be like “hi, I’m therapist shopping”? Can you schedule an appointment with a therapist and then be like “actually I have some questions and I want to spend part of this appointment talking about your practice and whether or not it is garbage?”? Are you expected to phone interview/screen your therapists if you are shopping around for a therapist?
If you’re seeing one therapist are you supposed to/not supposed to tell them if you start seeing another therapist? Is it possible to cheat on your therapist?
I know this one! Or, at least, I know a way to do it, because I’ve done it.
1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if they’re taking new patients.
2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of “Great! I’m looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether we’d be a good fit for one another?”
IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DON’T DO ‘INTERVIEWS’: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, don’t bother to make an appointment
3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what you’d like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).
4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.
IF THEY DON’T LIKE THAT: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, cut the meeting short
5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.
IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them, then it’s going to be a shit therapeutic relationship
6) Ask your questions — about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences — as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. It’s been years now, and I THINK she’s seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. That’s all I’ve got. It’s amazing).
AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut — your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through
7) By this point, you’ve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and you’ll know if you want to see this person again.
IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and you’d like to set up a regular appointment.
IF NO, say “Thanks for meeting with me.” If it wasn’t too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (“I have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!”), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.
IF YOU’RE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: “I still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. I’ll let you know as soon as possible if I’d like to schedule another one. Thanks again!”
Regarding current therapists: If they’re toxic, get rid of ‘em before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You don’t have to say why — just say that you’d like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you “really appreciate all the work we’ve done together” or something. If you don’t like them, just cancel. They don’t need to know jack.
IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING — and I mean anything other than a positive hope for you in the future — then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, that’s who.
So that’s my philosophy/style with regard to therapist shopping — I may be completely wrong, but it’s worked for me so far. Good luck!
This is really good advice
Yes, very good advice!
so many people don’t know that you can and should try different therapists to find one you click with.
they don’t have to be a dick or bad at their job to not be a good fit for you, btw. i switched because my previous therapist was too soft and momlike, and i found myself downplaying problems so i wouldn’t upset her. she’s a great fit for other people who need a soft touch, and an objectively cool person, and i love her lots. but i switched to a different lady who’s more like a brain mechanic, very matter-of-fact about getting down to business and problem solving.
my previous therapist recommended my current one. she wasn’t the least bit negative about me leaving. she was glad she knew someone who was more the type i was looking for. because she’s a good person, and a professional.
