The twist in this story is the girl who dumps everybody because she still loves the first boy she ever fell in love with, now gets dumped by... the first boy she ever fell in love with. And sheâs not 15 anymore, sheâs 35. It took 20 years of star crossed loving and 3 failed relationships to come to the conclusion she saw happen in her head the first day that she met him
He never gave any sign of being cruel, in the beginning, that would lead her to believe he may hurt her one day âŠit was because he was so nice to her. No one was ever that nice, not to her, not in her eyes. Not that way. Part lover, and best friend with part paternal protection and so much honesty she could always trust him with everything and anything that came between them. So much that, they never really lost touch with each other over the years. So much that every time she really had believed, they would be together, just for him to hurt her with words & push her away Her pain was always so unbearable that instead of having a vice such as drinking or drugs to numb herselfâshe open to meet new people. People who made her forget him, at least during the day. Because we all know the nights are the cruelest, when we are in agony. The stones in your rib cage and the hollowed out heart, with the empty chest swirling around while she lay drowning face down in feathered pillows. In pain. The sun would come out & it was a different world. Live on, carry on, smile, laugh, spend time with good people. And then the nights would come every night, as if nothing changed in the mere few hours it was daylight. This went on for what seemed like forever. Who knew it took an old enemy, turned friendly, to open her eyes as to what she really wanted. So she destroyed everything around her, from building to rubble, on the chance that she would dress up in the shiny armor and be his saving grace knight. Save him from a somber life of missing her because his foot was always where he shot himself & then placed in his mouth when it came to her love. Finally, no restrictions, no one around, no distractions, no marriages or children in the mix, she decided this is what her destiny was. Life with him. In any shape or form, married or not, mansion or hut, she wanted him only.
Now she let go of everyone in her life or let go of her, one by one, only to find herself at the end of an ironic twist of fate of being let go herself. Who knew the twisted part of life, that when she saw this exact scene of her life, flash in front of her eyes, the first time he asked her name, the first car ride to the park, the first hand holding, the first kiss on the park benchâŠthat she was right all along to not trust his intentions. She knew then he could hurt her and yet she put it past her, and went for it. Just like she put everything else in her life past her & went for it again, 20 years later. And this is where it got her right back to being 15 again, except its 20 years later and sheâs walked away from those that have loved her and stands alone now, no matter how crowded the room. The irony of this story. He had been doing this all along and she thought, the clichĂ© line, âthis time was different.â But all signs pointed to no. From the beginning. She not only lost her father, who also thought he was unlovable, but she lost the one man she fell in love with long ago to the same type of âdeathâ. The feeling of being unlovable. The feeling of not being âgood enoughâ. All the things she also felt except when these 2 men were around her. With them both being gone, the point to life now, was simply to get through it until it ended. All the times she stated she didnât want someone like her father because she didnât want to have to scream from the rooftop that he was loved; only for him to not believe itâŠand she in turn spent the last 20 years doing just that with this boy turned man. Irony. Without it, stories of love wouldnât be so painful. Go with your gut instinct. Never doubt yourself. Always listen within. That feeling is there for a reason. That is your crystal ball, your destiny, your fate. Donât lose anymore time. Am I talking to you? Maybe, or just myself. - â„â 13
This isnât about hating him. This is about loving him unconditionally for life. Whether heâs there or not. And absolutely, well into the next life.Â
âForever means forever.â <3