we said it
but I don’t know what it means. we have said that we were going to talk about how things have changed in our relationship but it hasn’t happened. our schedules are so inconveniently opposite. i don’t want to talk about it while my parents are around because they have a nasty habit of eavesdropping. they know how we feel about each other but i don’t need them to hear the details. that’s just for her and I. she said something about being afraid she would work too hard for her whole life and not having the family she wanted. the way she said it made it sound like she didn’t want one with me because she didn’t think I wanted kids. that’s not true, I just can’t imagine having one right now because I’m nowhere near ready to imagine having that additional responsibility in my life. there are a lot of situations where kids make me feel uncomfortable, like in group situations where I don’t personally know any of them. but I really love spending time with Liam and my cousins. there’s something about that personal relationship that changes things for me. I didn’t used to see the difference but now I do and I don’t know how to communicate that to her without making it seem like I’m just saying something for her to hear.
Idk it’s weird because I’ve interpreted things as that we should/are together because we love each other in the way that you’re supposed to love the one you’re with. but it’s hard to interpret whether she thinks the same thing. I know she feels the same thing, but I don’t know what she wants to do with it. we are so far apart for the next year. I’ve been more serious about studying my GRE because I want to be where she is so badly. but we still haven’t talked about the gravity of things. I just want to tell everyone about how much I love her and I do to the people that are here and close to me and that don’t know her and couldn’t change the dynamic we have to other people. but things have changed. and I need to really know how and what it means. I’m afraid that she doesn’t want to be with me in the same way I want to be with her.
