He who fears to suffer, suffers from fear.

Some men are born indestructible. The gifts of charm, looks, money, all of it useful. A perfect life. A perfect past. A broken future.

[lilragster]

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

I-I had w-wanted t-to send y-you flowers i-in t-thanks for y-your help, b-but then I-I s-suppose I w-would n-need an a-address for the f-florist.

You’d send me flowers?

For doing my job—?

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

Hush.

[seulvieuxetperdu]

               --...

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

I-I had w-wanted t-to send y-you flowers i-in t-thanks for y-your help, b-but then I-I s-suppose I w-would n-need an a-address for the f-florist.

You’d send me flowers?

For doing my job—?

[seulvieuxetperdu]

--I-If it i-is n-not p-proper, I-I--..

[seulvieuxetperdu]

Nothing is to be feared.

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

"It’s a bit past business at this point, isn’t it? What with dinner."

And she was standing in his kitchen, watching him fiddle with the dishes, giving him kind advice and looking at him like he was the sweetest man in the world.

Which, maybe he was.

She took it upon herself, ignoring the little chew at his lip, to grab a perfectly-placed rag from the cabinet and dry the plates and silverware as he finishes with them. And she probably wasn’t placing them perfectly, probably wasn’t really helping much at all with his compulsion, but she didn’t want to feel useless in a kitchen where she was offered dinner that she never expected.

Kori wondered if she could make a dessert for him sometime. She could see it now - bring it over, humble the man with the stutter. Maybe she could keep him company in his times of anxiety.

The voice that cut the silence was unexpected, and she paused in her movements. The rag stopped on the plate. She gently put it down with precision, trying to make things look as they were. What he said made her glad, in a way - lovely, because he actually liked that she was there with him. He enjoyed her company enough.

Her hand moved to gently touch his shoulder, but it went back to work on the dishes as soon as she’d left it.

"You’re welcome, love."

[seulvieuxetperdu]

"I-I suppose, b-but I d-did n-not want to a-assume."

In actual fact, he didn't mind so much that she was helping. It was familiar, in a sense, to have another set of hands around the flat. Though hers were inexperienced, placing the plates in entirely the wrong order, completely against the system that he had organised for this specific task, he couldn't fault her for trying. There were too few who would even dare. So, with lips pressed in the smallest of pleased grins, he simply and silently corrected her. A team, he dared to think.

How very bold.

The seemingly misplaced - sudden - affection of his thoughts were put an end to abruptly by the sensation of her hand on his shoulder. A harmless touch, hardly a gesture at all, but enough to make him pause and still. The expected fear did not rise up and choke him, his breathing remaining even and manageable. His hands did not shake, the plate in his hand staying perfectly still. Therefore, he was rather at a loss to explain his behaviour.

Carry on, then.

The last plate was placed upon the drainer, the evidence of such a dinner much put away. The only way he would remember would be of the memory of laughter echoing through this house once more and not the kind that would keep him away at night, clutching his pillow and preying for endless silence. His hand placed carefully on her lower back as he led her to the door. The perfect gentleman, of course, he was taught well.

"--I-It would b-be l-lovely, i-if you w-would wish, f-for this t-to happen a-again, M-Madame."

[goodbye-forzamilan-deactivated2]

[blackandwhitehotsmokers]

[hrveys]

[specterizedmoved-deactivated201]

[seulvieuxetperdu]

( x )

[spookykingslayer]

[seulvieuxetperdu]

crazy-irongirl:

(X)

[tears-and-disorders]

[seulvieuxetperdu]

Nothing is to be feared.

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

"Are you sure about that?"

Another joke, since he hadn’t been completely put off by it.

But she just smiled and shook her head, watching as he took the plates from the table. She wasn’t really used to that kind of treatment, really. The routine went simply: make food or order food alone, prepare the food alone, eat alone, put everything away alone and do the dishes. Alone. No one took her plate and no one offered her food. No one bothered to cook for her—

And then there was this man, this anxious yet beautiful human being, that offered her food simply to say thank you for doing her job. No one did that. Not a single person.

She could see the kindness in him, even if he couldn’t. She could see how kind he was just by the offer, just by the gesture. The fact that he’d called her, frantic in his time of need, was sweet and cautious. It wasn’t selfish.

If it was, he had every right to be.

Kori stood there from her seat at his table and followed him to the kitchen, seemingly a bit more comfortable with the whole situation. 

"…Well, I’m just here on business, you know," she said. That front went up just like it always did. "I’d be surprised if I ended up back here. You shouldn’t have any more problems after today. Not if I have anything to say about it."

[seulvieuxetperdu]

"T-Then per'aps i-it does n-not n-need to be o-on business. Y-Your v-visit, I m-mean."

How very presumptuous of you, sir, to assume this woman would want anything to do with you following the conclusion of your transaction. No doubt she was mentioning business simply to draw your attention to the fact that that was all it was. Not a friend, not a colleague and most certainly not something that could be a repeated occurrence. How very desperate of you.

Teeth gnawing at his lip, he focused entirely on organising the dishes. Spick and span, of course, because anything less would keep him up at all hours until he finally gave in and completed the task. His willpower had lessened in recent years, unsurprisingly. Everything lessened in recent years. His interest in his job, the amount of people willing to be patient with him at all. Even the sunlight seem to be that bit less bright. As if that night had managed to take away part of the entire world with it. It certainly took away all of his.

The silence that followed was left alone. He didn't move to fill it, for he had no more words to voice. Even if he had, it would take far too long and apparently she had quite enough of this already. It had been a lovely evening, however, one of the best he could remember having. Or allowed himself to have, he seemed to forget the difference between the two, the line faded and forgotten too many times to count.

Still. It had to be said.

Just to be polite.

"--T-Thank you f-for s-staying." 

[fakedpersona]

I see it as more as they refuse to learn.

[Or less open to the possibilities that the world offered. Pathetic people were ignorant. They were the easiest to use to get what she wanted, even better if they were overly confident about their minds. The poor fools.]

Which is the sad end of it.

[seulvieuxetperdu]

--W-Well, I s-suppose I-I must agree w-with you there.

[ Though he did not like to. Agreeing with her meant accusing the people in question of something they would most likely not like to be. He didn't want to be rude. ]

[governmentofficial]

Oh. I see.

You’re good at your job then, yes? What is it that you teach, exactly?

[seulvieuxetperdu]

P-Per'aps y-you will l-laugh, sir, b-but I teach E-English. It u-usually amuses the p-people I i-inform.

[hebrewdudes]

[governmentofficial]

How upsetting for you, I’m sure. Perhaps you should consider finding a new job now that the whole speaking thing has become harder?

[seulvieuxetperdu]

A-And l-leave m-my students? I-I could n-not s-sir. T-They a-are r-rather forgiving o-of it w-when t-they realise t-that with m-my help, t-they c-could be b-brilliant.

[fakedpersona]

Only if the ignorant are willing to learn.

[Persistence in idiocy was…unwise when it came to their actions, among other things. How did they expect to get anywhere if they continued to make the simplest of mistakes. Never underestimate the odd men out. They would quickly come out of the grey and destroy them.]

[seulvieuxetperdu]

B-But if they a-are ignorant, M-Madame, they d-do n-not know t-that l-learning i-is n-needed.

[ That much was true, but he could see it from her perspective. From one that showed clearly that she had not endured exactly what he had. Something similar, perhaps, but there was a special something that accompanied being impaired. ]

[seulvieuxetperdu]

Nothing is to be feared.

[unyieldingconviction-archive]

Her eyes flicked up between bites when she heard the clatter of silver against wood, but she just nodded some, as if with that expression alone she said that it was fine. That his nervousness was fine and she didn’t care. 

Why would she care? It wasn’t his fault, but it was just how he was. Why would she judge him for something as small as nervousness?

Though, already, her pasta was almost gone. If she’d been at her own home, she’d have given herself maybe three times as much, but it wasn’t uncommon for someone to think that she had a small stomach.

She didn’t.

So, when she finished, she just politely moved her plate forward some and wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin. She’d be polite, wouldn’t ask for more, especially since she wasn’t completely comfortable with the situation. They, after all, barely knew each other.

"You didn’t poison it, did you?"

Of course he didn’t, and with a small smile, she indicated it was a joke. But he was a nervous one, he really was, so the corners of her mouth went down again.

"That… was a joke. A very bad joke, darling - I apologise." She paused. "But, really thank you. I haven’t had a decent home-cooked meal in months."

[seulvieuxetperdu]

A pause.

A joke, was it? Right. It had been a long time since anyone had been comfortable enough around him to attempt something even remotely close to humour. Or comfortable conversation at all, but that was beside the point. He supposed that following their phone conversation (counselling session) and dinner, it was prudent enough to enforce some sort of familiarity.

At some point in his life, he recalled, there was a moment when he didn't analyse every aspect of human behaviour before he in turn responded. It was a happier time, then, when fingers did not tremble and his mind did not run in circles in the foolish attempt to protect himself. Six years had gone by, six years of this. 

What was there to protect yourself, Frenchman, when the attack was coming from within?

Still, the smallest and slightly stilted chuckle escaped him, his own fork falling unused to the bench. He wasn't particularly hungry, but he had picked at it. It was good food, not to go to waste, and he knew that his not touching it would leave Kori in some kind of discomfort. He turned with both dishes in hand, which really should surprise her. Turning his back on a potential threat, oh, you were entering in his defenses aren't you? Will you stay when you see what exactly they were defending?

"N-Non, M-Madame. No p-poison."

A pause. Yet another chuckle, well, you seem improving.

"T-This k-kitchen is e-ever open t-to you."