FRANK REVIEWS A MOVIE: Issue #3 - IT (2017) Part I
So, here’s the thing: this movie sucks. But in order for me to accurately convey how much it sucks, I’m gong to break this review down into several parts: 1) The movie by itself, 2) The movie compared to the TV mini series, 3) The movie compared to the novel. I think it’s pretty important to address each in its own category and not mesh the three together. That way we can all see why “It” (2017) doesn’t stand up, no matter what the excuse is. But before we delve too deep into the sewers of Derry, I want to start off with things I DID enjoy about the movie. They’re few, but they are note worthy: - Some subtle things: There were a few things in the movie that were genuinely creepy to me, because they were so subtle. Like the kid show playing on all the TVs. Or my favorite part of the movie when the creepy old lady in the background of the library stops and stares at Ben reading the Derry history book. However, as much as I liked these bits, the movie always had a way to fuck it up and go overboard. - Neat visuals: I liked some of the design to a few things quite a bit! How the kids floating around the tower of junk, Pennywise’s blood floating upward when he was hurt, Pennywise’s “deadlights”, even the clown suit started to grown on me even if the makeup didn’t. I applaud some of the concept design, because it was pretty cool sometimes. And the cinematography is included here, because there was a lot of awesome shots. Like Stan fixing the askew painting on the wall, also fixing the camera’s perspective. Neat! - Funny: Some of the kids were great in this movie! Ritchie was hilarious, Bill and Stan were acted great, and Ben was adorable. They did splendid!
Alright, that’s about it for the stuff I liked. Moving on.
Chapter One: “IT” (2017)
DISCLAIMER: I am a VERY big fan of the novel. You will often find me saying it’s basically my bible. A lot of questions I will be asking in this section I already know the answers to. What I aim to show is how an average viewer who is not privy to the novelor has any or no memory of the tv series can have these questions, and can be left wondering. I’m taking myself out of my fan shoes and putting myself in silly ass clown shoes, if you will, and will review this objectively. One of my friends streamed the entire opening sequence on her Snapchat before I saw the film myself and I was able to catch a sneak peak. And what I saw was dreadful. I think the entire film can be summed up with that whole pre-title section. Bad pacing, bad editing, not scary. Something like this: The story starts off with two boys in a room making a boat. The walls are littered with 80’s movie posters (trying hard not to pretend like I haven’t seen that aesthetic recently). Our lead child actor (?) (I’ll be honest by the end I’m not sure if there is a leader of the bunch), Bill, sits in bed sick, while his younger brother, Georgie, waits to be handed the boat. But first he must get the wax to it wont sink. But the was is in the basement! Reluctantly, he trugs down the dark basement stairs and finds the wax. During this slow climb downward a very loud, obnoxious, blare of his walkie-talkie cuts in: his brother reminding him to hurry up. Was that noise supposed to scare me? It didn’t even make anyone in the audience jump. Hmm. He eventually finds the wax and is stopped by a pair of shinny eyes staring at him from the darkness. He shines a flashlight on them and they turn out to be. . . I’m not sure exactly, but they were not belonging to monster. Que loud “scary noise” and a bit of thunder, and Georgie bolts backup the stairs to have some small chat with his brother before he’s off down the street chasing the boat in the rain. I’m not sure how this next part happens, because the camera clearly shows us, from his perspective, that there are two barricades directly next to each other. But he dips under one, and on his way up its revealed there’s another one (even thought they already showed us that) and he smacks his head and collapses. This kids kinda dumb. Anyway, he loses his boat in the sewer and this is where things start to get worse. We’re introduced to Pennywise, the villain of the movie here, as he greets Georgie from inside the sewer’s opening. Why is this kid talking to such a scary as clown? Just listen to it. It’s sounds like psychopath. This kid is dumb. The unfriendly clown chats it up with the not so bright child for a bit, then it cuts away to a woman and her cat opening her porch shutters. Why take the focus on Gerogie and the clown? Why was this so important enough to cut to? She doesn’t do anything. Back to the kid, and he’s about to take off, when Pennywise offers him his boat back. Come on. This clown is legit drooling. And is it cock-eyed?! What in the world. . . No way a kid is going to find this appealing enough to talk to. But, as established, this kids dumb, so he reaches for the boat, and the clowns face warps in a horrific toothy monstrosity of CGI effects. I’m not even frightened about all the fangs, I’m more scared about how bad it looks. Then we snap cut to a close up of It biting down on Georgie’s arm ripping it off. Something tells me that’s going to be the pattern here. . . Loud low scary noise, snap cut to close up of a scary thing. We’ll see. After having his arm bitten off and not passing out from shock or blood loss in a few seconds flat, the kid manages to crawl away yelling, before being drug down into the sewer. The old lady seen before notices the large amount of blood pooling in the rain. Did they really need a shot disrupting the flow the kid and clown just to show this old lady ahead of time? They could have cut that other part out and just shown her here and it would have worked fine. Man. The title comes after in a blaring cacophony of children laughing. And that’s that.
The movie follows this formula pretty tightly. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the scares. Every one of them has a kid in a scary situation then the “loud spooky noise” happens, it cuts away to a close up of a gross face. I thought it was a coincidence the second time I noticed. By the end of the movie I was rolling my eyes. Jump scares lose what little effect they have when they’re predictable. There wasn’t a single thing in this movie that frightened me. There was the creepy bits mentioned in the cool stuff section, but nothing long lasting or made my heart quicken. And it’s not that I can’t be scared at all. Because I can be. But this movie didn’t even get close. The only part that could have potentially made me squirm was when Pennywise jumps out of the projection on the wall. But it is ruined by the weirdly paced slide effect. It kept cutting out to blackness for no reason. It wasn’t like he was slowly getting closer all creep like every time the light went back on. That would have been awesome. But he was already charging at the kids. It felt like a normal scene that had the cut always thrown in as an afterthought. And this is my main problem with this movie. It’s lack of subtlety. Once they have something going for it they ruin it by throwing a million other ideas into the scene. Ben reading the book in the library with the old woman in the background would have been great by itself. But they had to add an over the top chase scene. Instead of creating a sense of unsettling fear build up they opt for loud noises, cheap jump scares, and horrible CGI. And what’s with Pennywise running at the camera all the time? Almost every single instance of him creating the scare for the scene it’s him running head long at the viewer, usually having a weird epileptic shaking fit! How is that scary? And why does it look so awful? It looks as if were designed to be viewed for 3D but didn’t translate at all to 2D. Everything's blurred and frigidity. Isn’t he supposed to be the scariest part of the movie? Then why is he the least scary? Also, the voice It has is a little annoying to me. Its like a weird Jack Nicholson/ Heath Ledger mix. Its both growly and whiny in the span of a few words. I’ve seen a lot of people applaud his acting, but the most I saw him do of worth was drool. But I’m not going to hand out gold stars for physical acting for drool. To destroy the terror, or lack there of, are the Losers Club. The one with the glasses was pretty funny. But sometimes the humor gets a little out of place. Once again, lacking in subtlety. Then kid with the pills, was also the funny one, too? So, there’s two jokers, I guess. But his acting started to get annoying over time. It felt over the top and unnatural. By the way, that kid’s arm was NOT broken when he fell on the table. They show his arm clear as day and it aint broke until the next time they show him. Bill was played well, but his character was written poorly. He must be as dumb as his brother if he thinks he’s still alive to be found. And is his motivation to find his brother, or to kill It? That wasn’t really clear. Bev, I thought was pretty cool. Tough, strong female. Until she’s taken and used as the damsel in distress. Guess she wasn’t that tough. Ben, as a chubby kid at heart myself, was relatable. He was probably my favorite of the bunch. Kind of a nerd, with all the history stuff, secretly in love with a childhood crush. But he probably got it the worst out of all of them. He got it the worst from Henry, the bully, by having his name almost engraved into his stomach, and he also got it the worst from It by having his stomach slashed opened. The later was a bit odd to me, because no one seemed to really care that his stomach was literally ripped open. Not even him. And it wasn’t just a scratch. It was pretty bad. Dude, go to the hospital for that. Then there was the Jewish kid. I like that actor a lot. He had this natural inevitability to his character that was really nice. But he didn’t really do much. Then there’s, what was his name, Mike? Mark? The black kid. He wasn’t even In the movie for a large amount of it. And that’s kinda sad. Because I can see has the potential for some acting chops. And its even worse that all the bonding the kids do in the film, he isn’t a part of. He genuinely had no role other than to provide the gun thing. By the way, I don’t know if he should pay more attention to his Grandfather or something, but I don’t know how he got “I’m an outsider. I should stick to myself.” Form the speech he was given in the beginning. That’s a bit of a stretch. The subtlety knows no bounds even in the end, where the kids literally beat their fears into submission. But they still seemed kinda scared of them though, so, I’m not sure if that worked or not. But to be fair, I probably would have beat that clown, too, after doing that lame ass jig of a dance. Was that supposed to be humorous? I have no idea. But it was dumb. And I saw Ashlee Simpson do it better on SNL. All in all this movie is a cluster fuck. Things feel out of order or timed weirdly. Like why are we told what a leper is like half an hour AFTER we see a leper? All the scenes have no flow or rhythm to them. They feel like small shorts tied up with a very thing thread. For instance, they help Ben and in the next scene they’re friends. It just feels like stuff was missing to explain everything better. There are so many questions out in the air without any explanation. Here are a few: - Why does it keep showing “Silver” on Bill’s bike? Is that important? - What is that tubular building they kept showing? The one on the postcard? Is THAT important? - Why does the Mark see multiple set of arms crawling out from behind the door when it was just his mom and dad that died in the fire? - Ben mentioned a “Bradly Gang”. What’s that? They never mentioned it. - Why is Pennywise a clown in the first place? Is it because Ritchie is scared of clowns? But he was a clown to everyone else, and before we even find that information out. - Was it actually a turtle that brushed by their feet in the lake? Was that important? - Why does Beverly cut her hair? Something her dad did? Didn’t I see that in the new Power Rangers movie too? - Why is Stan scared of the painting? I get that he IS scared of it, but why? They could have set that up better. And didn’t I see a similar painting escapes the painting is in the room thin the new Conjuring movie too? - How does Bev come to the conclusion that thembeing all together is why they were able to hurt It? They don’t know that. They never tried hurting it without them all together. - Does Ben have parents? And seriously, why doesn’t anyone care about his stomach slashed open?! - Why does It attack Mark with mantis hands(?) during the final fight? - Why does It turn into a mummy to attack Ben during the final fight? - Why does It turn into Bev’s dad when we all know she just practically killed him not too long ago. - If It can just capture them all one at a time like he did Bev, why are the rest of them even a threat. - Why does It turn into the demigorgon form Stranger Things? What are those weird lights in its mouth? Why does it make Bev into a psychic? - Why does this remind me of Stranger Things so much? - There are four bullies; why can I only remember two of their names? Who are the other two? Why weren’t they given names? - Why were the bullies even relevant? They didn’t do much that couldn’t have been taken out with no effect on the story. - Is Henry dead at the end? - Why did Henry need to kill his dad? - Henry’s dads the cop from the beginning of the movie? Were we supposed to know that? - How old are these kids? They look so young, but come out of Derry High School. - Why is Henry “looking” for Ben when school lets out? - Did they actually hurt It during the final fight? He doesn’t appear to be wounded, just wet. - Why does his head disintegrate before he falls? - Does the gun thing actually hurt him when Bill shoots him? - How did the kids get out of the sewers? - Why didn’t they try to get more adult help? - Why can’t Bev’s dad see the blood in the restroom? - Why do those old people in the car ignore Ben’s cries for help? Was the balloon supposed to mean they were actually Pennywise? - Why does It have a lair in a such an obvious spot? Anyone can just find the hole in the ceiling and look down and see all the kids floating. - Why did they all cut their hands in the end? Was it like a blood oath? - It feels like there's a book that would explain this stuff better. Is there a book? As you can see, this movie made me have a lot of questions. And some of this stuff felt like it was forced in with no explanation on purpose, but I’m not sure why. And half of those questions had nothing to do with the main story, so I’m really scratching my head on why they were included. In summation, I think this movie had a lot of potential going for it. It could have been pretty neat. But the lack of control to hold back left it bloated with too much junk. The scares weren’t scary, the clown wasn’t clowny, and the kids, while some were good, were somewhat ever the top. I give it it 4/10 Tim Currys.
Continued in “Part Two: ‘It’ (2017) vs ‘It’ (1990)