I think Iâm finally done crying enough to actually write something. I didnât cry when Murphy told me I was being let go because I was upset to lose a job. I cried because I felt as though I was being ripped away from my family.
Crap, Iâm crying again. That really didnât take long! Gosh, I really hate crying in airports. It must be something about trips to Duluth because this now makes it two for two! I guess Iâm not as dead inside as I pretend to be.
Iâm crying because yâall are so great and I cherished every day I got to spend with you. The last (nearly) three years have been some of the best of my life. I got to wake up each morning and go to a place I loved and be around people who genuinely brought me joy. Even on the worst days, there were always smiles to be had. And on top of that, I got to work on an amazing product that I truly believe in and has done so much for its users. I got to make something people wanted to use. I got to make something special.
Iâve always referred to Tumblr as home and the people as my family. What that meant to me is something thatâs hard to put into words, but I want to try.
HQ was a place that was safe for me in a world that still really does not want people like me to exist. Even New York City isnât a safe place for trans people, but Tumblr was. Tumblr was a place where I got to truly be myself, unapologetically. I got to just exist. I got to let my guard down, something I very rarely do.
Tumblr was a place where I found my voice, grew, and discovered who I am. When I joined Tumblr in 2014, I was only nine months into living as an openly trans woman. I had been struggling to really find comfort and confidence while existing in the world. I didnât know my voice. Mostly, I was just angry at the world. But Tumblr gave me a place to work that out and learn what my voice was and how to use it. Tumblr helped me grow as both a human and an engineer and it gave me the confidence to be me.
Thatâs the Tumblr I will miss because it wasnât a job to me, it was a home and family that also happened to give me a paycheck. Over the last three years, Tumblr introduced me to some of the best humans Iâve ever met in my life. People who are kind and caring. Supportive and encouraging. Smart yet not full of themselves.
Thinking about my time at Tumblr, I donât know what else I could ask for. On top of all of these things, I got to work at a place where I felt like I made an impact for the better. I got to work somewhere I could speak up and fight for what I believe in. I could fight for equality, diversity, and my coworkers. I could fight for our users. Sometimes, that even meant yelling at David in front of the whole company at All Team or speaking up during Prod Reviews with a personal but relevant anecdote about the importance of our decisions. I wasnât always right and it didnât always change things, but I got to be in a place where I could speak up and fight those fights.
I got to, somehow, lead Tumblrâs femgineers and organize our monthly lunches. It was never lost on me that I was a trans woman leading a group of women and not once did anyone ever make me feel like I didnât belong in the group or as its organizer. When I get bummed or jaded about this increasingly bonkers world we live in, itâs all of you that give me hope for the future. Seeing the fucking amazing work that some of you are doing while still in your early 20s and only relatively recently out of college gives me so much optimism for what youâll achieve and the mark youâll leave on this world. Iâm literally crying again just thinking about it. My voice could never do you all justice, but I hope it helped.
I know this is already long, but I have so many memories rushing into my mind right now. Iâm hesitant to start naming them because I know for every one of them, there will be dozens Iâm neglecting to mention. Itâs hard to list everything when literally every day of the last three years was memorable.
But to just name a fewâŠ
There was my first Tumblr Halloween party where Steck drunkenly told me about the discussions they had about me after my interview. He kept saying he wasnât supposed to tell me, but over the years, I think he told me a dozen times. Almost every time he was drunk. I, of course, knew better than to trust him. Mohonk! I mean, what else do I need to say? Pellcar on the way to Monhonk! Dying tonight on the boat cruise. All the femgineer lunches. Flying to WWDC in Mint chocolate lass. Two Grace Hoppers, the first of which was one of the most affirming weeks of my life. Shitposting and coalescing in #new_york. Caraghâs completely insane stories and my DMing her with the weirdest fucking shit a coworker has ever said to another. Gatorade Gala and Chainschella. The Kenny themed party! grund. Sleeping in conference rooms after mind blowing hack days. Holiday parties followed by Sward bringing everyone McCoultonâs the next morning. The goddamn lizard election! The 9west temperature wars and 9east clapping. Constant sandwich arguments in #holy_war. Brian Michel dressing up as a reblog on Halloween. Friday coffee with the old Ads Team crew. Coming in the day after the election and having Ken hug and comfort me as I cried in the freight elevator. All the comforting we did for each other after the election. Ethan DMing me âfoodâ right before lunch every day. Movies We Love. The aesthetic channels. Sam constantly asking me if I was happy and giving me heartfelt hugs on a near-daily basis. Finding sisterhood for the first time in #heyladies. Robbieâs hack day projects. Taking selfies of myself to approve every single PR. All the GIFs. The bad puns with Keith, Cherokee, and Josh. The security capture the flags. Daily cat photos in #KittyTime. Turning around at my desk to see Lucy Lawless in the elevator. For better or for worse, Prima Punisher. Flying with my Falcons. The dozens of you who helped my former startupâs Kickstarter be a success. Snowboarding trips to Killington and Montana. Trolling Joey with Slack bots. Bonusly points from Graham for every lol chain. đđł.
I could honestly go on and on with memories all day, there are enough to fill an entire blog and theyâre coming faster than I can type them. I wish I could mention everyone here, but if I didnât mention you by name, please know that you had an impact on me and were a part of this family. If our time at Tumblr overlapped, you were (are!) important to me and made my life better.
Looking forward, I will be fine. Donât worry about me. Instead of worrying, use that energy to keep Tumblr great. That is my ask to my family, keep Tumblr fucking weird af. And SPEAK UP. You work in a place where you can use your voice. Do it! Fight for Tumblr users. Fight for each other.
And worst case scenario, Chris already has the git branch to delete Tumblr.
I want to thank everyone who came to Madison Square Park yesterday while I sat crying on bench. I really donât cry very often and I have a thing about letting people see me cry, but just seeing all of you and how much you cared helped me so much. I also want to thank everyone who reached out to me via text, Twitter, Facebook, and other Slack orgs. And especially to Michelle (happy birthday!!!) and Shah whose messages about the impact Iâve had made me start crying all over again. Okay, Amelia, get it together.
I hope to keep in contact with all of you. I hope youâll reach out to me on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, text, other Slack orgs, and wherever else. Letâs hang, get lunch, eat dinner, grab drinks, play volleyball, and just plain be weird. Iâm terrible at keeping in touch with people, but I want that to change. Please donât hesitate to contact me anyway you know how because, and I know I keep saying this, I love you all.
Finally, thank you to Amanda Brennan for bringing me to Tumblr and making the last three years possible. Thank you to Brian and Sherry for allowing me to have a heads up the the night before so I could process and react with dignity without being blindsided or reactionary. And thank you to David for building something so wonderful.
I love you all so so so much,
Amelia