This question is for Mrs Edge. First, thank you for the time and energy that you put into this blog. My husband and I have been in this lifestyle for a few years, and even though you say you aren't a domme, your "real world" advice has helped me become more confident in dominating my husband, and my husband being a better sub to me. My question is, have you ever felt guilty about enjoying your Vixskin more than your husband? How did you get past that?
Before we got into this lifestyle, I rarely came from intercourse, even though I do enjoy it. For the last few years I prefer to have my husband go down on me, because I come much better that way. Then I unlock him to let him have his fun ๐, then I push his head back down to clean up, and then lock him up again.
We have used a strapon in the past, but it was always hit or miss for me. Because of your advice, we bought a Vixskin like yours, and tried the trick of heating it up first. It was amazing ๐ฅ and now it's a regular part of our lovemaking. My husband goes down on me, then he puts on the Vixskin and we have sex, and I almost always come now. And that's the problem.
I found that after I come, it "ruins the moment" for me if I unlock him and let him have sex with me. Personally, I would just prefer to lay still and just feel "him" in me while we kiss and be close, and I can float back down, if you know what I mean.ย
He hasn't said anything, but I think he feels a little badly because he seems to be working harder at trying to make me come, even though we both know it won't work. And then I feel a little badly for him, not to mention a little guilty, because I find myself feeling that what I really want is to just leave him locked so it doesn't spoil my own enjoyment.
So this made me wonder if you have felt guilty about doing the same thing? And how did you get over it? ๐ Karin
Hi Karin. First, thank you for writing and letting me know that you have gotten something helpful from our blog.
I think I understand what you're really asking. When we were new at this, we got into using a strapon faux cock early on because I actually prefer intercourse. But sometimes I would unlock my husband after a few weeks just to feel him inside me, even if I did not allow him to come. But sometimes I would allow him, or even want him to come, either as a reward or just the idea in the back of my mind that I "should" allow him.
Over time, I became more comfortable with the idea of keeping him denied, both from coming and being inside me. It didn't happen overnight... but I have to admit that things started "clicking" for me when we started using the Vixskin. Maybe the more lifelike feel made me more comfortable? Maybe I felt a little more connection? Or maybe enough time had gone by that I was already feeling more confident in myself? I do remember that I could literally go for months without feeling like I needed or wanted to unlock him.
Here's something to think about. I always came from intercourse with my husband... but using the Tex (and now the Ranger) gives me more (and stronger!) orgasms. I think it's because before I was maybe distracted by thoughts of "I hope he doesn't come too soon" or "why is he slowing down now?" or "I was almost there and he changed pace." I realized that with my husband locked, using the Tex felt like "him" without all the mental distractions and I could focus just on myself. And now with the Ranger, it's, well, the same thing... just bigger and better if you know what I mean. ๐
So... about feeling guilty. Once I realized that my husband both wanted an orgasm and wanted me to deny him at the same time, I realized it was truly my decision because he would be both happy and frustrated no matter what I did. ๐ I used to ask him if he wanted to come and of course he said yes. But then I started asking if he wanted me to keep him locked... and he said yes to that, too. Once I became confident that denying him did not make him disappointed, I stopped having any guilt over it and just enjoyed his being totally focused on me. It also meant that when I was "finished", that I really could just lay there and snuggle without worrying about him. Not in a neglectful way, but because in our relationship, he gave that power to me. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right. But if you're his domme, then your husband has given you that power, too. Ultimately, he wants you to take it.
One more thing. You mention that you haven't talked to him about how he's feeling. I'm not really good at those conversations myself but it's important that you ask him what's going on in his head... especially if you think he's acting differently. He may be having second thoughts or he may be thinking something totally different. But you really need to know about it so you don't get any weird surprises when you least expect it.
Good luck and let me know how you're doing!