Shark Tank Fan Fiction

By Billy Keenly

[sharktankff]

Five

Lori Greiner had always been a go-getter and a risk-taker. She had a knack for spotting a good deal and could easily spot a product that had potential. She knew that if she could just get the right product onto the right platform, she could make a big impact. 

Today was no different as Lori sat in her office going through her daily routine. She woke up early that morning and went to the gym to get in a quick workout before heading to the office. Once there, she reviewed her emails and made some calls to potential investors. Then she spent some time looking through the latest products on the market to see if there was anything worth investing in. 

At midday, Lori took a break and had lunch with her colleagues. They talked about the latest Shark Tank episode and discussed the different products they saw on the show. After lunch, Lori went back to her office to review some of the products she was looking into.  She narrowed it down to two and decided to invest in both of them. She had faith that these products would do well and make her a good return on her investment. 

Later that afternoon, she headed over to the set of Shark Tank to film the next episode. She was excited to be a part of the show and to showcase her investments. 

Once the taping was done, Lori headed home for the day. She reflected on her day and was pleased with her work. She knew that she had made a good decision and was looking forward to the future.  

Lori Greiner was living her dream and she was loving every minute of it.

Written by OpenAI

[sharktankff]

Four

Barbara knew what they were doing. Another pitch, another time they trotted out oiled, greasy young men for her to ogle, stare at, cat call…it was all getting so…passé.

“I want one of those!” said Barb, howling at a 20-something firefighter who sported what could only be described as an “8-pack.” Barbara sat back in her chair, smirking…but the deeper she sat back, the further her smirk receded. How often can this continue? Like a fool, a circus monkey, Barbara was asked to dance on cue…do her thing. Scream like an isolated, sexed up co-ed. Not anymore.

As the pitch wore on Barbara found herself disengaged. She noticed Mr. Wonderful’s red wristwatch as the studio lights glinted off its sapphire casing. She was entranced. Anything, just anything to get her mind off of what was occurring on stage.

“I’ll go in if Barbara joins me…” she hears, snapping her out of her wistful trance. It was Mark Cuban.

Mark eyes Barbara…solemn, serious and most of all…curious.

“Well?” he continues.

Barbara’s eyes shoot towards Mark and back towards the stage. The entrepreneurs, clad in heavy turnout coats beside their strategic eye candy, were eager to hear from the great real estate maven.

Without much warning, the words flowed out of Barbara’s mouth as if they were the most essential scriptures of her soul.

“I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t trust you …and for that reason I’m out.”

The rest of sharks sat there in shocked silence; the entrepreneurs, slack jawed.

Barbara was out.

Barbara…was out.

By Guest Author Dan Taveras

[sharktankff]

Three

“Daymond John.”

Though he was recognized immediately upon entering the lobby, each time Daymond John arrived at the Shanghai Ritz-Carlton he made a habit of walking (unhurriedly) to the reception area and saying his name aloud, unprompted. 

“Of course, welcome back Mr. John. Your suite is ready.”

Someone had heard him this time. That was fine. He read the name tag - Alex. 

Daymond John. He enjoyed the sound of it as it left his lips. A name that meant something. Style and class. Power and wealth. Celebrity, even.

“Daymond John.”

“Yes sir. Right this way.”

[sharktankff]

Two

"Robert Herjavec is no fool" he thought to himself.

He took a sip of water, knowing they’d edit it out as they always do. Following Lori’s theatrical withdrawal from the proceedings, he was the final shark left with an offer on the table. Natalie had counter-offered at 40%, a ballsy move - but nothing truly surprising. Frankly, after nearly two hundred episodes of Shark Tank and Dragon’s Den, there weren’t a great many things on the balance of life that Vladimir Herjavec’s son still found surprising. He’d done all of it, everything, ten dozen times over. The heady thrum of his luxurious routine had smoothed the edges of his senses to a dim, satisfied sheen.

This made the revelation of tasting Natalie’s vegan pudding that much more of a shock. It’s not that is wasn’t great (it was), it was that it’d felt like a slap in the face. Not unlike being cracked awake, and in doing so having had something precious and long dormant stir within you, a tender and long atrophied tendon yelping and stuck, gasping for air. Aware of it now, and craving more, Robert never again could ignore it.

"You’ve given me a lot to think about, Natalie."

[sharktankff]

One

Kevin O'Leary was tired. It had been another late night of reading anything he could find online regarding the financial climate in Asia.

"Sharks never sleep, they say" he muttered to his bathroom mirror reflection. He hadn't felt truly happy in a long while.