night time, my time

covingtonhq mock blog for shiloh { the flight risk }

[shaxdows11]

— I N S T A G R A M 

        ft. childhood best friend

[shaxdows11]

I'm a wanderess,                                          I'm a one night stand                             Don't belong to no city —                                                                      don't belong to no man

                     I'm the                                              violence                     in the pouring rain                                                                        I'm a hurricane

the flight risk

[thedogfamily]

[shaxdows11]

an ugly duckling - shiloh

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Night-born beauty. How sweetly she melts in her sin.

František Halas, tr. by Stephan Delbos, from “Malá Strana Night Vision,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

[dailyladylyrics]

And you come away with a great little story Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

cold as you, taylor swift

[thewinedarksea]

the seven deadly sins | lust

an intense longing; usually thought of as intense or unbridled sexual desire, but could also mean desire in general 

[kalonkakons]

“Of all the female sins, hunger is the least forgivable; hunger for anything, for food, sex, power, education, even love. If we have desires, we are expected to conceal them, to control them, to keep ourselves in check. We are supposed to be objects of desire, not desiring beings. We do not need food: in many ways, we are food, trainable meat, lambs queueing up to buy mint sauce. We consume only what we are told to, from lipstick to life insurance, and only what will make us more consumable ourselves, the better to be chewed up and swallowed by a machine that wants our work, our money, our sexuality broken down into bite-sized chunks.”

— Laurie Penny

[dvoyd]

we are all ghosts, haunting the houses that are our bodies. we are isolated and alone inside of ourselves, waiting for someone to move in— to breathe life into this abandoned, deserted sanctuary that was once called home. the walls are cracked, the paint is peeling, and the furniture is old and dusty. still we linger; staring out the window— promising ourselves that, this time, we won’t scare people away.

the ghosts that haunt themselves | m.a.w (via billowys)

[shaxdows11]

late af to this party

name/alias: hi, i’m v !

pronouns: i use she/her pronouns

timezone: hailing from the est but my sleep schedule says otherwise

fun fact: my birthday is on leap year ! i’m super excited for 2020 ‘cause of that

skeleton: first choice is the flight risk, but i’m hopeful to have time to throw together a rushed back-up app since there is some tough competition for this darling role !

tasks: paired threads are very fun, or anything involving music. sometimes, i’m really just trash for au related things, also !

locations: tbh i’ve always been a big book nerd, so catch me in the library at all times 

for fun: no vines (missed the train and now i’m so late and behind lol) but i do think this meme is fitting!

[shaxdows11]

— i stargaze because it makes me, and my problems, feel so insignificant and small. i am a speck in a beam of light. 

                 nothing matters.

[shaxdows11]

— L I F E   H I S T O R Y 

tw: transphobia, abandonment, adoption, eating disorder

there was nothing wrong with shiloh, despite what the world seemed to believe. she was born fighting, too early and too weak, with a poor prognosis. her mother, young and single, listened to the doctors talk about operations, weeks spent in the hospital, and not particularly great chances of survival... and she fled. looking back, shiloh isn’t even sure if she can blame her. 

despite the bad news, she pulled through. her heart defect was handled, and she continued to grow stronger, until eventually her case worker felt confident telling prospective adoptive parents that shiloh would be “entirely normal”.

this was the promise that was given to shiloh’s adoptive parents. for the most part, this was true; aside from a heart murmur and some moderate medical involvement related to her defect, shiloh grew up healthy and happy. home was all she knew, and this family was all she knew, and she found little reason to think about a different life than her own for a long time. 

they’d been open with shiloh from the start about her adoption, and tried to be supportive when the weight of knowing she’d been abandoned hit her harder. unfortunately, as shiloh began to grow up, her parents began to lose hope in their perfect youngest; she was a little reckless, she liked breaking the rules, and she was different. 

transitioning for shiloh is a chapter in her life she thinks little about. she’d always been drawn to beauty, reading jane austen and always feeling like there was something to outrun; to escape. it had been there for as long as she could remember, but it was when she was 11 years old that she started to really find a way to manifest these feelings. it was a gradual growth into the woman she is today. 

her 13th year is when it all really hit home. shiloh found her voice about these desires, the feeling of disconnect, her intense need to be someone else. shiloh stood her ground, even when it felt her parents would never understand, and through some pretty rough months... she finally was given the freedom to explore this new identity. her parents promised they loved her, but shiloh couldn’t help wonder if they silently meant to say in spite of this. 

eventually, it became... normal. shiloh’s clothes and makeup didn’t cause a stir. it’d seemed that they’d given up, tired of her rebellion, tired of the bickering. shiloh would sneak out when she could, turn to melanie or their older sibling for help with schoolwork when she dealt with focus issues, and fell into some negative coping methods with these big changes. one of the worst for her happened right around her coming out era; in the hopes of becoming ‘perfect’, shiloh ate less, worked out more. it was a dark period of time for her, but it was during those days that shiloh found herself, too. 

following her sibling to covington wasn’t shiloh’s idea. if she could, she would skip college entirely; but, the disappointment on her parents faces when she expressed this plan was enough to send her reluctantly packing. part of her didn’t mind this adventure... it was a chance to experience even more freedom, though shiloh never really bent to fit their rules, anyway. she’d always operated differently, behaved wrong. 

covington was a speed bump on shiloh’s path to destiny, and maybe if she managed to get through unscathed... she would be someone her family could be proud of. but now it’s all different, yet again. melanie is dead, and shiloh has found herself in the spotlight. 

sorry, mom.