My tired heart is beating so slow;

Shannon 'Shay' Mitchell • 27 years old • Forever Yours ♡ 6/28/2014 Nicknames; Shay Bay, Queen Dorkula, Shayachka, Shay Shay, Buttah, etc. {Not the real Shay Mitchell, RP Purposes Only}

[shayofc-x]

You are forced to flee from your home and relocate 2,000 miles away. You can take only what you can carry in your arms. What will you take?

Angel. I'd strap a backpack on her and put some food in there. Lots of it. I'd pick her up and carry her. I've carried that fatty before, I'll do it again. I ain't letting nothin' happen to my baby. I'd also have her doggie treats and food in the backpack also. I can carry her ass as far as I want to carry her. Like fucking superman. I miss her now. Angel, mommy misses you! {I know she can't read or see this but still. Michaela can tell her. I'll call.}

[perfectlittleme0]

So Bored! Ask Me Anything! XX

[shayofc-x]

shaym: My long time friend Kristen and I are spending time together today. She wants to cheer me up. Love her to pieces, and her pooch. Dogs are the best.

[shayofc-x]

Text

Peta: Trust me, I know how you feel. And it sucks when your heart and head try to tell you different things. I don't blame you for taking a vacation though. You need to try and relax and clear your head. But I know that's hard too. I was rooting for you two. I really wanted to see you two get married. You were the only one I thought was good enough for him and I still will.

Peta: He's being a Chmerkovskiy and yes, I love them. But he's being stupid right now. Well apparently Mama C is making him keep a food diary cause he hasn't been eating. I'm worried about him. I've never seen him like this and he says he's being sensible but no he's being stupid. And yeah I can say that. bff privileges. He thinks he's doing what's best. But I told him that if you're losing friends because of your decision to be together, then they weren't your true friends to begin with.

Shay: I didn't really take a vacation, at least not at the time it wasn't that to me. It was running away. I was fleeing LA to run away from my problems. And the pain I was feeling knowing that it's really over this time. He's never coming back to me, Peta. I don't know why my heart won't grasp that. It feels like he's left all over again every time I wake up without him. When I go home and he's not there it'll just hurt even worse. The thought of never being with him again makes me not want to come home, but I know I have to. I thought about coming back tomorrow but I can't. I hate myself for being so upset, I hate myself for being this way. Every hour of every minute of every day, he's all I can think about. And it hurts. I get tired when I cry but I still can't sleep, and I cry all the time. I cry when I wake up and remember it's over. I cry when someone mentions Nutella for god sake. And then people think I'm nuts. I literally hate myself for it. I keep holding on because I can't let go. I try so hard but I can't do it. And I know he has. He's let go already and he's over it. He's fine. But me...I'm this. I'm a wreck. I'm not even sure what to do with myself. I can't fight anymore, Peta. I'm so tired. Literally. I can't sleep without him and I'm just so exhausted. I miss him kicking me and talking in his sleep. When most people would find it annoying as hell, I don't. I miss it. Or when I roll over and lay my head on his chest, and I hear his heartbeat. It's soothing. It was. It always made me fall asleep that much easier. Now I don't know what to do. It feels like my heart isn't whole anymore.

Shay: Good. She should. But that doesn't mean he's really eating. He doesn't know what's best for me, only I know. You're right. If they were true friends they wouldn't walk out of my life because of that. They didn't walk away though, they were just picking a fight because they wanted to get through to me. I don't care what they said, or what they will say. To me, all that matters is him. How I feel about him and how I know him to be. Not everyone else /thinks/ they know about him. I know he's not how everyone says he is. He just let them get to him and I can't say I don't do the same when people say stuff about me. But then I remember they don't know me like I know me. He should think about that. He said he never let anyone get to him before, he shouldn't start now. He's far too good for that. But I guess if he says it's over, then it's over.

[shayofc-x]

++

[shayofc-x]

++

[shayofc-x]

Text

Peta: All I'm going to say is if you're having that hard of a time letting him go, then maybe you're not supposed to. The heart wants what the heart wants and as hard as you try to change it, it won't happen. Even when Maks was trying to get me back and I told him to not talk to me...I still ended up talking to him every single day and he was in India. So no amount of distance will change what the heart wants. Just saying.

Peta: and yeah if you two do get back together. (which I think you should) people will probably talk shit. But you just gotta ignore it and focus on the man that makes you happy. When they see that you don't care what they say anymore, they'll eventually stop talking. It'll get better I promise.

Shay: Everything in me is telling me it's wrong to give up. My heart is telling me to hold on as tight as I can. But...every time I talk to him I want to ask him to come back. That's why I can't talk to him, I miss him like crazy and every song I hear around this place reminds me of him. I don't know what to do, letting him go would be the worst thing that ever happened to me. But if he doesn't want this anymore then I can't keep forcing him to come back around. I slept with him again, it was like the day before I left. I had to kiss him and then kissing turned into something else. Well first I was sitting on his lap in the car because I was upset and everything. He was making me feel better. We played basketball before that. I went home with him and we just...we had sex. And let me tell you it was pretty damn great. But I knew it'd probably be the last time and it hurt. I was laying there after and I just knew it wouldn't happen again. I was laying with him and it felt right but I knew after that, every other night would be even more hard for me. Maybe not for him but for me. Even with knowing I should let him go, I can't. When I promise myself I will, my heart won't let me. My head and my heart are saying different things. My mind knows I should but heart is basically saying, "fuck you. it's not over yet." But what if it is? What if he doesn't want me like that anymore? I wouldn't blame him either. But I love him, I will never stop loving him. He's everything to me whether we're together or not. I wanted nothing more than to be happy and marry him. I wanted it so bad. I know it won't happen now but my heart wants it to, my head just wants to be realistic about it. But every time I go to sleep, or try to, I have to listen to that song he dedicated to me before. By James Morrison, I downloaded it and I listened to that song ten times before I got that hour of sleep. But it was easy to fall asleep with that small reminder of him. That and his bracelet that he gave me.

Shay: I know. But I honestly never cared what they had to say. He did. And I get why, that's why I didn't make him stay. He shouldn't have to deal with that. But I miss him more than anything. He's all I've been thinking about on this trip. I keep asking myself if he's eating, if he's okay. If he's missing me the way I'm missing him. Then I remember him telling me we couldn't be together and it pushes me a little more to let him go. And something pulls me right back.

[rocknroll-over]

Visit Original Link

100 Day Song Challenge 03. A song that makes you cry.

We All Fall Down - Aerosmith And you lose ground, like you can't hold on Remember, nobody can always be strong We all fall down... I will catch you, never let you go I won't let you, go through it alone So don't feel left out, we all fall.

[letusignite-blog]

[shayofc-x]

Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting.

Practical Magic

[shayofc-x]

Text

Peta: you can't change how you feel. I know people told me I needed to let him go but I couldn't

Shay: I'm trying the best I can. I just can't push myself to that point, I decided maybe it's best I don't talk to him for a little while. I know he wants to be friends but...it's really hard. All I hear people say is how I should let him go and I'm trying. But I can't. But I can try to keep my distance. I can do that. That's why I left LA. That and I needed this vacation.

[shayofc-x]

Text

Peta: texting you now 😊

Shay: Maks thinks I should let him go. I don't know what to do, Peta. I miss him but I can't force him to come back, you know?

[shayofc-x]

@shaymitch: I really just need to go to sleep now. Or try to.

[shayofc-x]

@PetaChmerkovskiy: Yup. @shaymitch you are too much! :P

@shaymitch: You can text me if you want? @PetaChmerkovskiy I keep hearing that tonight! Haha. I can't help it. I was born with a crazy personality. A good crazy, of course. xD

[shayofc-x]

@PetaChmerkovskiy: Yup. @shaymitch Yummy but I don't think the M&M's are healthy :P

@shaymitch: He told you that? @PetaChmerkovskiy Oh fine. xD I'll cut up some fruit and throw it in there...with a little chocolate syrup. xD

[shayofc-x]

@PetaChmerkovskiy: I know one misses you. @shaymitch Hey sometimes you gotta improvise!

@shaymitch: Does he? @PetaChmerkovskiy Exactly! I'm getting me vanilla frozen yogurt and throwing M&Ms in it.

[shayofc-x]

@PetaChmerkovskiy: That they do. I love them anyways. @shaymitch so good! now I want some right now.

@shaymitch: Yeah. Me too. @PetaChmerkovskiy I need me some right now but they don't have one here. So I'm going to get me a regular frozen yogurt and pretend it's fancy. Make my own fancy, fun yogurt. Haha.