Summery: Bucky leaves you. Inspired by Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey
Warnings:angst,abandonment
Bucky was the best thing that ever happened to you. You loved him, He loved you. You cared for him, He cared for you. He made you happy, You made him happy. That’s what you thought. You thought no you are soulmates. Those are the things he has told you so why are you holding back tears right now.
“I don’t know man, I just- I just feel like I need to start my life over. You know?” He said to who you assumed to be Steve on the phone
“I just feel like I’m stuck. This place has too many bad memories.” You don’t understand, are you not enough for him? If he wants to leave you would go anywhere with him if that’s what he wanted.
“Yeah I have no idea what I’m doing to tell her. Yeah I will let you know, bye.” He hung up and went back to watching TV
You had woken up from your nap and started walking down the hall. When you heard Bucky talking in a whisper to his phone you had a bad feeling but nothing could prepare you for what you heard. So what was he just going to pack up and leave you? It seemed like his plan didn’t involve you whatsoever. So all these years was he truly ever happy? He seemed so happy, how could you have not noticed. You wanted to cry, scream, throw things across the room. All you could do was wait a few minutes and walk into the living room.
“Hey doll,” Bucky turned, smiling at you. God he was good at pretending. It almost made you hate him
“Hey I was thinking I could make your favorite meal tonight” You told him, maybe if you did all his favorite things he would stay
“Yeah that would be real sweet of you”
“Perfect I will get started on it” You headed towards the kitchen trying not to cry
You made the food and he loved it. Then you cuddle up on the couch telling him every few minutes you love him. There was no way he was going to leave. He seemed so happy. If he really didn’t love you and was unhappy would he be cuddled up with on the couch kissing you?
“Yeah doll?” he asked not turning his head from the TV
“Would you ever want to move?” you asked him
“No, I’m happy here with you. Why would I ever want to leave New York? This is my home” Liar
“Oh I was just wondering” You focused back on the TV. Maybe he really wasn’t leaving.
When you had woken up you were back on the bed. Bucky must have carried you to bed but he wasn’t here. Deep down you knew he wasn’t here but still you went around the house calling for him. You then found a note on the door.
Hey sweetheart, Mission came up. I will be back Monday. Love you!
Maybe there really was a mission but usually he will wake you up and kiss you goodbye. Monday was tomorrow. He had to be back then. He had to.
Monday came around after what felt like years. You stood by the door for who knows how long just waiting, anticipating, and pacing for Bucky to come home. The slights of noise would make you perk up thinking it was him. You started your phone. 11:58 pm. He was coming and he had to come back. Once the clock hit midnight you fell onto the ground crying. You knew that he wasn’t coming back and you weren’t going to see him again.
You don’t know how long you stayed on the ground. You couldn’t cry anymore. Bucky was gone and he wasn’t coming back.
Days have passed. You have missed work way too much. You had to go back, you had to go back to your normal life. You had to pretend that the love of your life did not just leave you.
It’s been months. You still feel sad but now you’re angry. You have analyzed every part of your relationship for the past months. You didn’t do a single thing wrong. You did not deserve this. You loved Bucky so much and this is what you get? You didn’t understand it. You were going to write him a letter in hopes that it will find him and he sees what he has done to you.
I don’t understand. I don’t get it. If you were unhappy here we could have left. I would follow you anywhere you wanted to go. I would be by your side because I’m a ride a die, whether you fail or fly. We could have no money and I would be happy with you. We could have all the money in the world and I would be happy with you. Do you know how long I stayed by the door waiting for you to come home? I don’t even know how long. When you walked out that door,a piece of me died. Do you remember when we turned on some old music and danced to it? Were you not happy then? Did I do something? I’m sure I didn't but if I did I am so fucking sorry. I want you to know that I will love you till the end of time. You are mine and I am yours forever. I will wait a million years for you and more. I will always love you more than those bitches before. I hope you will always remember me because I will love you till the end of time
You had given the letter to Steve, told him to give it to Bucky. You knew that Steve knew where Bucky was but you weren’t going to ask. You could not force Bucky to come back no matter how bad you wanted to. You never knew if that letter ever got to him. The last thing you heard about Bucky was that he got caught up in the game. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
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