you’re curled up in the corner of your bed, trying not to take up any space. the curtains are drawn so the only source of light is a candle on your dresser that seems to be flickering in slow motion. all you want is someone to sleep next to and someone to remind you that this life isn’t a dream, it’s real and it’s tangible and it doesn’t always have to feel this lonely.
you’re talking to him again. you shouldn’t be but his sweet words are dripped in honey and you can still feel his fingertips tracing the marks on your skin. he’s full of empty promises and poorly written story book endings. you’re trying to be cold and callous, but you both know that isn’t in your nature.
your body slips out of your dark room and into the brightly lit kitchen. you aren’t mad at the sunlight coming through the glass windows or the blaring music coming from your neighbor’s radio. you do simple tasks like doing your laundry and making yourself breakfast, and you’re proud. the colors in the sky are saturated and you finally feel good and whole from having a real meal.
you’re not something they can just put in their pocket to carry you around and use you when it’s convenient for them. they can’t just reach in and grab you however they fucking want. they think you won’t retaliate because they called you beautiful and said it’s an honor to even be worth a fraction of their time. they still leave to be with their lover and even take a souvenir from you just to remember you by.
their type of love is not something to flinch from. they don’t use their words to scare you into submission. they’ll hold you at night when you wake up and you can’t breathe. they give you slow kisses when you’re frantically getting ready for work and you’re searching for your car keys. they bring you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch. they make you breakfast in bed after a stressful week. they write little sticky note reminders and put them all over the house when they can’t be around you. they cry at all the right parts in the movies and laugh at your stupid jokes. their love isn’t hard. it’s soft and warm.
arms are wrapped around your waist. you avert eye contact and smile to yourself. you’re not afraid but you can hear your heart pumping in your chest. their kiss is soft and slow like an invitation. their lips find your neck, your collar bone, your fingertips.
amandla
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