E's Health Journal

My online journal to track my health and well-being

[goodreadss]

Your own positive future begins in this moment. All you have is right now. Every goal is possible from here.

Lao Tzu (via goodreadss)

[flowerwaller-deactivated2024121]

[the-more-u-know]

[amonkstus]

“these are a few of my faaaavorite thiiiings”

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

Benefits of Healthy Eating MASTERPOST

[corktreeforests-blog]

it’s okay to eat

it’s okay to have fat, because it’s natural and it doesn’t make you ugly or unlovable

stretch marks, scars, moles, etc are totally ok

your body is wonderful exactly the way it is

please be kind to yourself

i love you so much

[she-eats-and-sleeps-blog]

It’s E

So it’s been a week? Maybe? since I last posted. I’m not good at following through with ideas or with creating new habits.

But today is worthy of reflection and it’s not even 5:00 yet. It’s just been a rotten day. Anxiety through the roof. Negative thoughts abound. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m disappointed in myself. Why can’t I be better? Why can’t I do things right? Why am I like this? 

My piano lesson today was a disaster. I have worked so hard on memorizing my pieces but I know it’s not enough. And, honestly, the music seems boring to me. All my professor talks about it knowing the notes better. But I’ll know them as I learn and love the piece as a whole. The notes by themselves are boring as shit.

At lunch today I ate two chicken and mashed potato bowls. And it made me hate myself more. I guess the lesson here would be that you shouldn’t overindulge just because you feel bad but right now I say fuck that. It’s been a shitty day and I’m just going to feel shitty. And that’s okay.

That being said, I don’t want these feelings to last. Here’s what I’m going to do:

1. What good things have I done today?

I made phone calls I needed to make. Even though I hate calling people. I went to class this morning even though I was late. I had a bowl of fruit with my lunch. I did a 15 min. meditation. I took time to myself to calm down and sort out what I need to do. I put on a cute outfit. I rode my bike. I made my research poster

2. What do I need to accomplish today?

I need to take a shower. I need to practice as much as I am capable. I need to work on my paper. I need to start studying for my Latin exam. I need to get my study abroad paperwork in. I need to clean. I need to do all this and more without freaking out. I need to go to concerts to make sure I don’t fail concert attendance. I need to do my nails. 

These are all doable things. I can do this. This can still be a good day. 

[chibird]

Take some time for relaxation and peace for yourself. ^^ You have to stop running sometimes because the wheel never ends!

[she-eats-and-sleeps-blog]

Dealing with Weird Criticism

So lately I’ve been hearing some weird feedback from people and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Different people in my life have been making comments about my weight or strength. A few months ago someone said to me, “Wow, imagine what you’d look like if you did 15 situps every day”. My little brother, being a total jerk, decided to make fun of my double chin. One time this past year, my mom thought I might be pregnant because of the way my stomach looked when I was sitting. 

Not all of these comments were said intending to be mean. But I can’t help but feel that when these things are said, that they’re indirectly telling me that I should lose weight. Either because I’d look more attractive or pretty. Or because I’d look less pregnant. Jesus, mom. 

Just because they didn’t mean to be mean doesn’t necessarily make it okay either. It still sucks. And people will always say weird shit without realizing how weird and shitty it sounds. So it’s how I deal with it that matters, because it’s what I can control. (And if it keeps happening, it would probably be a good idea to address it). 

How to deal with it. Harder than it seems. I have a hard time letting things go, to just let words roll of my back and pretend like I didn’t hear them at all. So I will acknowledge the words said in all of their suckiness. And then I will tell myself that I don’t have to change myself to suit the benefit of others. If change needs to happen, it’s because I say so. If I say so, it’s because I have a deep desire to change my life for the better. Which has nothing to do with how I look. It’s how I feel. 

Thanks for reading. 

-E

[dietandhealththings]

Photo

[she-eats-and-sleeps-blog]

It’s E

So it’s the end of day 0. The day I decided to do this thing. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it eventually. 

Today I didn’t eat breakfast. Oops.

Today I ate a small bowl of fruit, some sausage, tater tots, and pancakes for lunch. Decaf coffee and two pastries. 

Today I had half of a Jimmy Johns sandwich, jalapeno kettle cooked chips, and a small soda. 

Today I walked over 10,000 steps on my walk with Raven.  

Today was a good day. The sun is finally out and it’s warm. My mind is content and slow to worry. I got some productive things done and it felt good. 

While I’m apprehensive about what tomorrow will be like, I know I can handle it. I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t practice. I didn’t clean my whole room. I spent too much time watching TV. I didn’t shower. I didn’t finish all the things on my to do list. 

But it’s okay. What I did do is recover from my trip and relax. Tomorrow morning I will get up, shower, eat breakfast, go to class, do my homework, practice, do the things on my checklist. And it will be okay. It’s not impossible. Especially when I’m determined. I want to do this. I can do this. And when I read through that list it doesn’t seem that bad at all. I’ll be okay. 

[she-eats-and-sleeps-blog]

It’s E

So there’s been a lot going on these past couple years. I mean, it’s college so it’s not a big surprise that there’s been shit going down. And there’s a lot of stuff that I’ve worked out and I’m really proud and happy of it. 

But there’s one thing that is on my mind every day, and that is the weight I’ve gained. Since going to college, I’ve gained about twenty pounds. Everyday I get up, get dressed, and spend five minutes looking myself in the mirror and pinching myself. Trying to imagine what I’d look like if I didn’t have this stomach. Or these arms. Or these legs. Or this neck. The truth is that I feel ugly. And that I have to work hard to leave the house and feel good about myself.

So there are two things I need to do. First, is work on the way I see myself. This mindset extends far beyond body image. And it’s toxic. Second, is to take action and develop a good eating and exercise routine. I know it’s going to affect all aspects of my health and that’s what I need. 

And that’s why I have this blog. To document my progress and my setbacks and talk through some of the things I’m going through. Here’s to positive goals for a better life.