Sheeph

If each syntax carries has its weight, then I bear the weight of the world.

[sheepph]

I would love to be mundane with you (again)

the dishes in the sink

the leftover meals

the late-night walks

the lamp we forgot to close

the ceiling you always stared

the hair i caressed

‘Til you dozed off.

the style of your hair

the smile where your eyes shrink

the times you make me annoyed

the way your voice becomes sweeter

the life we built together

the end of a forever

[sheepph]

What He’s Like

I don’t know when to start in the first place.

We broke up? After at least four months from February to May

I ended it on the first of June 2026, just about the time for our fifth monthsary. I am completely aware of that. To ease the pain I’ve been holding for two weeks, I will use this as a means of catharsis, because I feel like I am not going anywhere after our breakup—Like I am still in the same spot from where we broke off. What is strange is that I am the one who broke things off in the first place. I didn’t know what to do; he didn’t either.

First Dilemma

I don’t know whether to wallow in this grief or to swallow everything like a bitter pill. I have been thinking so much about how to approach this situation that my mind has been going on and on through many debates, whether or not I treat this baggage as lightweight or ten-ton-heavy. Four months. It felt so long, yet so fleeting. A quarter of the year, we have spent our lives melded together and lived a life where we slowly overlapped our dreams. And now, it has turned into pure ruins, where the aftermath of a war has left the home I called before, desolate.

In those four months, we shared a lot of stuff, stuff that I didn’t know I could share, my thoughts, my feelings, my words, my heart, my touch, my body, my trust, almost everything was set up to be forever. It felt bizarre to know I gave almost everything to someone for the first time and to understand that there may be a time when I could give it all again to someone else.

It feels so weird to recognize the memories, the moments we have shared, and experienced as the past. But I need to understand that this is how it works in life: we give almost everything for someone sometimes, in hopes of getting the same thing from them, and to keep the relationship you have, go on ‘til the end. It is a great lesson that I must unfortunately learn and bear.

My dilemma lies in whether I grieve something that felt like a lifetime, when in reality it is nothing but a fickle moment in our lifespan, or to swallow a huge pill, because it felt more clear to act on what is real. Do I feel my feelings in this, or do I suck it up because “it is just four months”

I guess what adds to my hurt in this relationship is that he gave me a promise ring.

Unsaid Words

You gave me a ring, and I trusted you that the promise it brought to us was real. Told me to look at it, and made me feel that the promise you made to me was symbolized in that object. Yet despite the constant times I looked at it, deeply putting my faith in it, even if it made me question things about myself, I just held that ring tighter, because I thought it was actually something that eventually will make me feel that you're here. But it wasn't. No matter how much I trusted that ring, your actions told me something clearer. And it hurts to put my faith in someone for the first time in a while, and witness them disappoint you again. Everything feels like it's on me, like I'm at fault for pushing this thing that I wanted to trust again. I thought you'd be better.

[sheepph]

Children's Cemetery

Under all the dirt and gravel

Was once a vital organ

To play a part in life

Revolving around on a little marble

Worn down by time

As every thing does

But little by little

Everything becomes faux pas

Buried with their hopes and dreams

Are stars not growing

Remains a drawf

As much as it's yearning

These children rot long before they are buried

They speak yet does not stunk

They walk but they dread

Of waiting for death to visit before the end

[sheepph]

The Mundane of Witchcraft

V. Let Us Be Damned

If damnation were the echoes they preach,

For they cannot comprehend what they are not,

Wail the curses even their deity would not speak,

As if it was the way to salvation,

Let them speak their filth.

If the eyes they see on us are nothing but wicked

The practices be called witchcraft,

And they irk to witness us with their tainted eyes.

As if they are clean themselves to teach others to bathe,

Let them witness our craft.

And as the heretics scream their curses,

The ones who call themselves devout,

Burn us at the pyre where we are holding each other,

Let the flame that carves pain, bring warmth to us.

Let us be damned!

[sheepph]

The Mundane of Witchcraft

IV. Superstition I Cling To

And when the look in your eyes,

Brought me the meanings your words might say,

Where we base on nothing, but sentiments,

I'll keep my beliefs of you afloat.

Because at the end of it all,

When there's nothing to cling on,

I'd rather believe on each other,

Like a dogma, never faltering.

[sheepph]

The Mundane of Witchcraft

III. Leftover Frankincense

As the dawn seeps in the window,

And where the light softly hits you're face,

It felt so warm to witness the first shine in your eyes,

The smile on your face.

You carry the air I've once felt,

Though I already forgotten it,

It lingers like a box of leftovers,

Shared from the home I was in.

And when the scent you have made me remember,

The feelings swelled up once more,

Clung onto the places you've slept on,

And made myself so sure that–

That you'd stay, even when you're long gone.

[sheepph]

The Mundane of Witchcraft

II. Decoding Unknown Spells

From the gibberish words spoken,

Written by the past mistakes,

Must it carry onto the next lines,

Or can we decipher its sentences?

To spell the connection we wish and seek.

Can the next lines we speak,

As you call and I respond:

"Smite the one that shackles our words,

For I will forever long for your voice in my ears"?

Can the next lines we speak,

As I call and you respond:

"Let the things that bound us be broken,

For the carriers to have nothing to hold, but each other's hands"?

[sheepph]

The Mundane of Witchcraft

I. Smoke Ignition

I never expected you to reach me,

From the distance the smoke reached,

Where it laid the memory we shared,

You've ignited something again.

And from the strike of that match,

I have found myself burning again,

And the light illuminates where we'll lead,

Making the flame I have less fragile from before.

[sheepph]

The Near Bys

I. Apple

I yearn for the apple,

Yet when it is given,

I hesitate to bite,

For I had known its consequences;

Still I bit down, and chose to ignore.

The serpent swallowed me alive;

Suffering the consequence,

of what i had decide,

Still with my awakened body,

Naked, full of vulnerability.

II. Stabbed

Let the cool air sting,

Skin soft and young,

Kill the youth till numb,

The warmth they never would succumb.

Let their flesh be cold and damp,

Hide the body out of sight.

Make a kingdom of the wrath.

From bloodied hands,

To towering castles in the sky,

He was offered by the near by,

Made this place a bloodbath,

"This place shall be for no man"

[sheepph]

Gasp

With an ounce of you

I once again catch myself,

A short and quick way,

Before becoming composed.

As the short time,

Just a glance,

The air I had breathed,

left me wanting more.

[sheepph]

Moonshine on a Solar Eclipse

I wish there was more to this

Like a trashbag that carried through it

I could feel your lips touch my cheek

Like a moonshine on a solar eclipse

Drunken, eyes sunken

Can't feel the reality shiftin

Just wanna feel the feeling of lovin

Even on a moonshined solar eclipse

I wish I held your hand,

And my other hand on your back

Swayed the night to and fro

Like the slushing of liquor on this sudden moonlit glow

I felt it so sudden, the cold in this heating planet

To feel comfort, an embrace again

In that sudden moonlit sun,

A moon shined on a solar eclipse

I make this poison of beverage

Under this phenomenon, it ages

Quench this craving, this yearning

May this mooshine kill my feeling

[sheepph]

A Confession

A place where I am standing,

Empty, shallow room,

I see nothing but the colors of crowds,

You were there, standing on the other side,

Betwixt I and this overwhelming crowds,

Rushes of emotions climb over me,

I kept my flame out of the cold moon,

For the fear of it dying out.

You were there,

Standing—you were still,

New to a feeling of iridescence,

Yet you still came for me,

As I was struggling.

You gave your heart, unknowing of the consequences,

To be with me, is to be an enemy of the world,

To be with me, is for you to risk the privilege you had,

To be with me, is for you to love me.

Your risks I always see,

Felt me in awe,

Craved that bravery,

Never done.

Asking the question,

"Do you love me?"

I wonder if you can love me back,

The way a flame burns a forest,

For a new beginning.

Rather than I ponder without knowing,

I will give back that courage,

Of your heart given to me,

And here I say finally,

"I love you too" back.

[sheepph]

Killed to be Unrecognizable

A man in his 20's, probably

Height is around 5 feet, maybe

Face filled with lacerations,

Who does such a thing?

Burnt to a crisp.

That's his arms.

Unable to touch, unable to feel.

He is already dead.

"What about his legs?"

"What legs?"

Ripped out, missing.

Who does that they say.

Who removes the wings of a bird,

Instead of just caging one.

What cruelty amounts to this?

We need not know who.

Only what killed him,

What is a monster,

What is a who, who did such acts,

Who might or might not know what life they took.

By their red stained hands.

"Is he even a he?"

He IS everyone.

Everyone who dies but is not dead.

Killing a life that they say isn't his, for it is only borrowed.

To a point where the dead asks itself in the mirror "Who am I?"

[sheepph]

Error

The hands creeps in me

While they slowly mute my screaming

Wailing to release me from this suffocation

Waiting for the end we all see

Starting to lose the feeling

The means of how I live

How do I live without it?

Without its sway and movement,

For me to copy and mimic its motion,

So that they say I'm a part of this.

I am just a mere husk, for I do not know if souls are or are not real, waiting for the slightest probability that this world creates. Death, that stalks the unfortunate, the needy, and the ready, I wait for its pounce one day. I do not wish to continue for which reasons are that I can't understand because it is simply a contradiction to myself. I do not wish to control the end, but simply focuses on the when and how, and the ways one can speed it up, without using my own made up free will.

I want to kill myself. That thought that has been clouded and piled with the other stuff has been resurfaced because I lack the menial and redundant tasks of doomscrolling.

I want to kill myself, but I don't wanna do it, I want the world to do it.

[sheepph]

Intangibility

I.

Darkness through touch, not seen

Neither courage nor fear, given amnesty

Shrouded in memories

Eluded my past

The pain I couldn't see

Wished for me to touch

For intangibility worsens

The pain I am burdened

For the pain to exist out me

To touch each sharp memory

So I can feel the pleasantry

When this pain leaves me

[sheepph]

Brick Avenue

The cold breeze of the night,

Moonlight on my skin, so bright

Falling leaves on the dying trees in sight

Quiet street, on the mellow eve

Walking down this street,

Trying not to shed another tear

But the rain poured it out for me,

Can't take this loneliness somewhere

I see a diner across that street,

that place where we use to meet

The lights closes as the owner disappears

Its you in my thoughts I don't wish to keep.

Sometimes I wish this road could kill me,

Let me feel the warmth of my blood, spilled

So that maybe I could feel what loving myself is,

A warm embracing of someone; that someone is me.

[sheepph]

Can't Love Me Back

Saw his face on my phone,

Made me feel something I can't condone

You can't be my lover,

For you can never love me back

Everytime our hands touch,

You occupy my mind a lot

Because of you I'll fall again

Because of you I'd get hurt again

Somehow you can't even see what you're doing

To the poor heart aches I've been aching

I try to stop this emotions, quaking

"I Like You" is what my heart's been saying