Appreciating blessings
It's been so long since I guess you can say I "gave up" on my health and fitness. I didn't realize how far off track I wondered until this summer I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I say "Healthy" because I unfortunately and painfully lost my first born. A knife still stabs me in the heart, still just tears it to pieces thinking about how she was brought into this world and sent back to God. Most people who know about this or hear about it say I'm so "strong." "What choice do I have, but to keep moving forward in life," I always say. God has blessed me with more than I could possibly have wished for so I'm not upset at God for showing me what I feel are difficult times. How else would I still feel the need to appreciate and count my blessings? I don't want to hide my pains or grab attention for myself through them. Rather, I want to help others, as cliche as that may sound. After loosing my baby girl we tried again, but had an early miscarriage. I felt even more broken and scared. Would we ever be able to conceive full term children? I went through a guilty stage too, thinking to myself I shouldn't keep trying when I'm not able to maintain "life." I knew I wasn't at fault nor was I intentionally doing anything hurtful, but the emotions where there. However, even at my lowest point, I could not forget God is great and will pull us through once again. The third time I got pregnant I carried my son to 35 weeks before my water broke. I have to say though, both my husband and I were terrified with fingers crossed. We didn't always express our fears or try to be negative, but because of our prior loses we couldn't change our train of thoughts. I thank God for giving me a little prince and taking care of my precious princess. I am forever grateful. I truly want to help myself be a better person by becoming healthy and fit. I want to inspire others as well to keep on moving towards their goals. I can't be there for anyone else until I'm all in for myself, so here I am trying to focus.