Trigger

[rip-myselfesteem]

because if I do, you won’t stay.

[extihnction]

I look at this at least once everyday.

[bloody-and-tired]

I really love this. Since the begining and now even more

[teamybae]

I'm so tired of this shit.

[singlegrainof-rice-blog]

I wish my weight was declining as fast as my mental health

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

Mixture of thoughts

I’ve been losing and gaining the same 0,5kg over and over for at least a month.

Since I’ve been awake I’ve gotten progressively sicker throughout the day and now that I’ve arrived home I almost feel drunk without drinking? 

What’s the logical thing I do? I steal a bottle of black vodka that’s probably expired because my family doesn’t really drink.

I pour myself a glass and I feel like I’m gonna puke just at the sight of it.

Which is weird, y’know? because I’ve always liked the taste of black vodka. huh. Maybe it is expired? I drink it anyway. urge to puke multiplies.

Maybe it is good that I purge? Maybe that’s what’s gonna make me drop a few pounds? Weird. I’ve never had that thought before.

Never thought I’d be the kind to have an eating disorder. I’ve always just kind of eaten what I’ve wanted in my whole 21 years of age.

I’ve been listening to the same 2 songs on repeat for days now.

Thoughts of self-harm are coming back after 7 years clean.

I’ve never been diagnosed with any mental illness my whole life, But I have old ones coming back and new ones forming?

Am I faking it?

How do I know if I’m faking it without actually going out and “ getting help”’?

I don’t wanna go out.

I’m gonna go pour myself another glass now.

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

Help

I haven’t lost any weight. I had a goal of reaching 63kg by the end of February (I was at 66kg) and I’m currently only 0.5kg down? I’ve eaten healthier this whole month and I can’t fast any more than what I already do because I spend 8+ hours working on my feet and in constant movement daily (besides my days off). What do I dooo??

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

It's been 8 years since I've written one of these.

[lostandtwisted]

Relatable.

[depresseddisneyprincess]

[depresseddisneyprincess]

[iamquietlydrowning]

i’m destroyed, i fucking hate you 

[queerlysad]

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

Today’s intake

Fasted for 22hrs between yesterday’s last meal and today’s first one (duh). broke it off with a snack unexpectedly, I was trying to make it 24 hours but oh well.

Breakfast: skipped

Lunch: skipped

Dinner: 288 cal

Snacks: 244 cal

Total: 532 cal

Today felt good, I’ve never had such a low intake in one day before! At least it’ll balance out yesterday’s almost 1400 cal pig out (or so I hope so?)

Honestly, I’m scared because it’s still kinda early where I live (8pm) which means that there’s still a long way to go to sleep, which means a lot of opportunities to mess up

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

Today's dinner: 288 cal!

It's literally huge, I ate it off of the salad bowl!

Also, forgot to put the boiled egg inside it before taking a picture lol so it's not pictured but it's included in the calories

I'm proud of myself, it might seem like a lot to some people, but I usually pig out at dinner at around 600 cal. It's progress!

[tisaybitch-remade-deactivated20]

Get to Know Me Uncomfortably Well

[saaa-raaaah-deactivated20181128]

1. A selfie?

2. How old are you?

3. What is your birthday?

4. What is your zodiac sign?

5. What is your favorite color?

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

9. How tall are you?

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

12. What was your last dream about?

13. What talents do you have?

14. Are you psychic in any way?

15. Favorite song?

16. Favorite movie?

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

18. Do you want children?

19. Do you want a church wedding?

20. Are you religious?

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

24. Baths or showers?

25. What color socks are you wearing?

26. Have you ever been famous?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

28. What type of music do you like?

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

32. How big is your house?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

35. Have you ever tried archery?

36. Favorite clean word?

37. Favorite swear word?

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

39. Do you have any scars?

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

41. Are you a good liar?

42. Are you a good judge of character?

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

44. Do you have a strong accent?

45. What is your favorite accent?

46. What is your personality type?

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

48. Can you curl your tongue?

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

50. Left or right handed?

51. Are you scared of spiders?

52. Favorite food?

53. Favorite foreign food?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

55. Most used phrased?

56. Most used word?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

58. Do you have much of an ego?

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

60. Do you talk to yourself?

61. Do you sing to yourself?

62. Are you a good singer?

63. Biggest Fear?

64. Are you a gossip?

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

66. Do you like long or short hair?

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

68. Favorite school subject?

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

72. Are you scared of the dark?

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

74. Are you ticklish?

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

77. Have you ever drank underage?

78. Have you ever done drugs?

79. Who was your first real crush?

80. How many piercings do you have?

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

82. How fast can you type?

83. How fast can you run?

84. What color is your hair?

85. What color is your eyes?

86. What are you allergic to?

87. Do you keep a journal?

88. What do your parents do?

89. Do you like your age?

90. What makes you angry?

91. Do you like your own name?

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

94. What are you strengths?

95. What are your weaknesses?

96. How did you get your name?

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

98. Do you have any scars?

99. Color of your bedspread?

100. Color of your room?

My ass is ready! Let’s go!

[messyfat]

I’ll answer literally anything so ask smt if you want!!

[justanotheraddictivepersonality]

Me, 4 a.m. : Fuckkkk, what am I doing with my life? I'll never eat again.

Me, 2 p.m. : oooh, cheezit.

[sheforgothowtoflyagain]

Today’s intake

Breakfast: 987 cal (I am disgusted at myself)

Lunch: skipped

Dinner: skipped

Snacks: 404 cal

Total: 1391 cal

not pro-ana blogs say that anything below 2000 cal is a deficit and that’ll make you lose weight anyways... So how can you explain to me why it took a week to lose 4kg, a month to lose another 1kg, and then not lose anything (gaining) for months? I'm confused, unmotivated and desperate.