oh simple thing, where have you gone? i'm getting old and i need something to rely on
Shep Decker
Detective with the TVPD
roleplay blog for devilsgatewayhq
you say you’re still here but you found a new home, i say that’s a nice way to say i'm a l o n e
Shepherd “Shep” Decker // 41 (DOB: September 3rd, 1982) // Detective with the TVPD
Shep is the oldest of the Decker clan, older brother of @sawyerdecker and half-brother of @colemonroe. They only found out about this connection about a year ago.
From a young age, he took the role of Big Brother very seriously, so he’s incredibly protective of his sister and would do anything to make her happy but would also probably sell her for one corn chip if given the chance because she gives him headaches.
Abuse CW: But for real, he’s incredibly close with Sawyer because of their close proximity in age, but also because they had to endure living with their abusive father, and he protected her and their mother as best he could. At one point, he ended up getting beatings as well. He’s extremely loyal to them both so talk shit = get hit.
He stayed in Tonopah Valley while Sawyer moved away at the first opportunity. He did move out of the family home and into his own place as soon as he could and joined the police academy. He basically wanted to be the opposite extreme from their father who was a board member of The Enterprise.
He met his late wife, Michelle, while in grade school and she moved away but they kept in touch as pen pals. She eventually moved back and they got married, a little picture perfect affair that made him super happy.
Unfortunately she died during childbirth and that rocked his entire world. He hasn’t dated since, but he has done his best to be the best father for their daughter, Jillian, as possible
He doesn't know a ton about The Enterprise itself, but knows his father was wrapped up in something, and although he's loyal to the pursuit of justice, he was “strongly encouraged” (aka threatened) into looking the other way.
Terminal Illness CW: Last year, their father was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Shep was one of the first people to find out and let Sawyer know so she could be here in his final days to get estate stuff figured out. Before the man could die naturally, though Cole murdered him for talking shit about his mama. As he should. Shep and Sawyer don't know yet tho.
He loves all things outdoors, so when he’s not working (which isn’t common these days but used to be) he’s into hiking, cycling, camping, horesback riding (they grew up on a horse ranch so...) etc. Also rides a motorcycle, has a Jeep, and plays guitar.
He’s what you’d expect from a southern gentleman type who’s very polite, hardworking, will treat his dating partner like royalty, fiercely loyal to friends and family alike.
LOCATION: Decker Family Mansion
FEATURING: Andrea Decker, @lorna-davidson
MENTIONED: @sawyerdecker, @nelliedecker, @colemonroe
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Death, mentions of suicide, kidnapping, and sexual assault
When you let me down
Just know you don't have to do it gently
I've been hurt so much already
And now I'm numb
Do you feel anything?
Shep was worried as he stepped into the house in which he grew up.
Andrea was supposed to meet with him and the lawyer who was helping to transfer the horse ranch formally into his name, but she hadn’t shown. Embarrassment at her lack of timeliness had him apologizing profusely, though the lawyer insisted it was okay, and he impatiently waited for any kind of response to the multiple texts and voicemails he’d left her that morning. About twenty minutes after the meeting had started, his phone buzzed in his pocket and Andrea’s name flashed across the screen. He only caught every other word of the frantic jumble streaming through the receiver, a mixture of slurred words and sobs. A sinking feeling settled into his chest. Their father’s death had seemed to break something within Andrea more than his fists ever had, but this felt different.
He’d excused himself from the meeting, apologizing once more and promising to reschedule, then headed directly for the mansion.
He anticipated the sound of Andrea’s broken sobs to echo against the walls like they had the day she’d found her husband no longer breathing – had it really only been a little less than two years since Jeffrey Decker had left this side of eternity? – but he was met with silence. The hum of the air conditioning running full blast and the tick of the antique grandfather clock with the broken glass they’d never replaced after one of Jeffrey’s last outbursts cut through the silence like a knife, joined by the click of his shoes against the hardwoods.
“Mom?” he called out, falling quiet again to wait for her response.
Nothing.
Frowning, he made his way through the house, searching for signs of life and ensuring one room was clear before moving onto the next. There were only a handful of spaces she was known to frequent, especially after Jeff had died. He had tried for months to get her to move out of this place that held onto the shouting voices of the past, offering her the guest room in his home, but she refused to leave the last place her husband’s memory lived. She had let the private chef go, sent the maids away, and stayed locked away in self-imposed isolation between these walls, drinking herself into a restless sleep, all because of him. He had begun to understand Sawyer’s ire towards their mother after that, unable to understand how she had yet to realize her life was so much better without the man’s hand around her throat.
Stepping onto the landing on the second floor, he finally heard the sound of running water coming from the master bedroom. He heaved a sigh, making his way towards the double doors at the end of the hall. Why she chose now of all times to spiral into one of her moods and dissociate in the bathtub, he didn’t know, but he intended to find out.
“Andrea, do you know how unprofessional it is to not show up for something like this?” Shep’s voice was clipped as he stepped into the room. He rarely called her by her name, but his frustration with the day had grown exponentially the closer he’d gotten to the room. At least it had been, until he saw the water pooling underneath the doors of the master bath into the bedroom, stopping him in his tracks.
Water splashed up around his feet as he ran through the room, throwing the doors open to a flooded bathroom. Water still gushed from the faucet of the overflowing tub, the liquid swirled with a deep red as it poured over the edge. Inside, just below the surface of the water, Andrea lay still clothed in her usual silk slip, as though she couldn’t be bothered to remove the articles before climbing inside.
Shep’s heartbeat drowned out the rest of the world as it filled his ears and he shifted into autopilot. Rushing to the tub, he shut off the water and slipped his arms underneath Andrea’s to lift her out of the tub, struggling not to slip across the tiles as he pulled her waterlogged body, 120 pounds of dead weight. He feared he’d find her wrists slit when he’d dragged her out to account for the red staining the water, but once she was laid out on the floor, he searched and found no sign of injury. It wasn’t until he knelt on the ground that he felt the glass crunch beneath him and pierce through the fabric of his slacks. With a quick glance, he saw the remnants of a shattered bottle of red wine carried through the flood.
“Come on,” he murmured, checking her pulse, then leaning his ear down against Andrea’s chest. There was nothing. There was no telling how long she’d been underneath the water before he’d gotten there, but he still hoped to find some sign of life. Instead, there was nothing.
With shaking hands, he began to administer CPR, attempting to expel the water from her lungs and get her heart beating again. He repeated the familiar motions until his arms ached and his breathing labored, though he wasn’t sure if the latter was from the tears streaming down his face or the exertion of trying and failing to bring her back.
“Goddamnit!” he shouted, the side of his fist slamming into the side of the vanity, wood cracking beneath the force. He fell into a dejected seating position, back pressed against the cabinets as he let all of the love, anger, and pain of the child who would do anything to protect his mother pour out of him, sobs wracking his body.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, but he cried until he had nothing left to give, the promise of dusk coloring the late afternoon sky. He pulled his phone from his pocket and called 9-1-1, informing them of everything, and when he no longer had it in him to speak, typed up a quick text to Sawyer and Nellie.
“Mom’s dead.”
He used the countertop to help him stand from the ground and his hand knocked against a pill bottle, tossing it along the marble. He picked it up, noted the lack of pills inside, and easily pieced together what had happened; Andrea had popped her pills and drank her wine, as always, and it had finally caught up with her.
He set the empty bottle back down and noticed a sheet of paper. The edge was jagged as though it had been ripped from a journal, and its surface was scrawled with his mother’s sloppy cursive. He picked it up, reading over the words slowly.
“My sins have come back to haunt me. Lorna’s here to take my baby. I can’t lose him too.”
Shep’s brows furrowed in confusion. Was she talking about him?
“Jeff would know what to do if he was here. He scared her away the first time and I thought we would never have to see her again but she’s back. I don’t know how long she’s been here but I would recognize her anywhere. Those eyes have haunted me my whole life every time Shepherd looked up at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen. If he finds out, he’ll never speak to me again. I can’t lose him.”
His grip tightened on the page, the words echoing through his mind.
Lorna was his mother? How was that possible?
Cole had been the result of an extramarital affair their father had had, but Shep was his first born. How was it possible he could have been unfaithful so early into the marriage and she stayed with him that whole time? Not only stayed, but stole and raised the child of the other woman.
His mind shifted to Lorna. Had Jeff forced himself on her? When he had first seen her, she had looked familiar, but he had no idea why. Was it possible he had some recollection of her from when he was barely old enough to retain memories? Had she been a part of his life before she’d come to Tonopah last year? She had moved to town only after Jeff had died, but the timing could be a coincidence. He thought of Mother’s Day, the dinner they shared that evening. She had said she had a child, that they were distant, but that couldn’t be him... could it?
There were so many questions racing through his mind, but there was nothing more he could get out of the woman he’d believed to be his mother his whole life; she had taken any other secrets with her to the grave.
It took well over an hour for the police to finish questioning Shep once they’d arrived. He had to talk about her addictions, the years of abuse at the hands of their father, how she had never gotten over his death, and yet his mind was across town, trying to put the shattered pieces of his life together to form some kind of picture. As soon as they let him, he left the premises, heading for the pottery studio downtown, mind racing with so many questions to things he wanted to know. He only hoped she would have the answers.
His car was barely parked in front of the shop before he got out, making his way inside. He was sure he looked a fright: eyes bloodshot, his clothes still damp, bloodied knees peeking through the holes the wine bottle punctured into his jeans. He couldn’t find it in him to care, though. His eyes met Lorna’s across the store and he made a beeline for her.
Lorna jumped at the sound of the bell on the door this late into the afternoon. “Shepherd? Are you okay?” The worry was instant in her voice, her calmness from the day dissipating instantly. She stepped from around the counter and looked him over, her heart aching as she took him in.
“What is this?” he asked, holding out Andrea’s confession to her. “What does this mean?”
She took the paper from him and read it over, her heart sinking at the tone of his voice. “It means what I told you,” she told him softly. She had felt terrible since Mother’s Day about their conversation. She had been contemplating leaving, sure that he would never talk to her again. But something inside of her couldn’t leave just yet. She supposed this was why.
“I... used to work for your father. A friend of mine connected me and it was okay at first. Jeffrey was charming and sweet even,” she admitted with a sigh. She had imagined this conversation so many times and yet it still felt like the hardest thing to do. But she forced herself to look at him as she spoke. “We had an affair. I’m not proud of it. I was young and stupid and had a terrible sense of self. I got pregnant and he… he was not happy about it,” she admitted, not wanting Shep to feel unwanted. “We fought about it. Andrea convinced him to let me have you but only if they were able to raise you and I left town.” She took a breath as she finally let it out there. The tears that were building in her eyes started to fall as she reached out for him but hesitated, not sure she could take it if he shrugged her off.
“You have to know I wanted to stay, I wanted to be here but I couldn’t, th-they were more powerful, intimidating and I,” she shook her head. “So I left and went back to California and kept up from a distance. There were so many times I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to derail your life and then between your father dying and you getting shot I thought... I got scared I would lose you, lose my chance to really know you. I mean they don’t make guidebooks for this kind of stuff.” She wiped at her eyes and took a step back, looking at him again and then the paper. “Where did this come from? What’s going on?”
Shep had always prided himself on being the level-headed one between him and Sawyer, not as prone to hotheadedness and willing to listen before reacting to a situation. In that moment, though, he felt like he was coming undone with every word Lorna spoke. How had he gone nearly 43 years without even getting a hint of this truth about his life? How had Andrea been able to look him in the eyes every single day and lie to him about who he was at his core?
“She’s dead.” His voice came out barely above a whisper, feeling the heat of tears pressing down on him again. “She was supposed to meet me today and she never showed. She didn’t answer her phone, so I went over and she...” He cleared his throat, closing his eyes. He couldn’t get the image of her sunken beneath the water from his mind. “Either she overdosed or the mix of whatever she took put her to sleep and she drowned in the tub. I don’t know how long she was there or what pushed her over the edge, but she was gone by the time I got there. There was nothing I could do.”
“She’s dead?” It was all she could say as she processed the words coming out of his mouth. Not only was Andrea dead but in her death she had found a way to confirm the truth for Shep. It was odd to think of Andrea thinking of her at all. Let alone see her as ‘coming to take her baby’ when that was exactly what Andrea had done to her. “Shep, I’m so sorry,” she told him and she meant it. She wasn’t a monster, she hadn’t wished death on the woman and she knew that she still meant something to her son. It was a mix of emotions but the truth was finally out there either way.
He took a moment, tried to recenter himself before opening his eyes, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. “You came back for me after all these years?”
“I did. I mean you were always on my mind. I kept up as best as I could, I was always curious about you. And I thought that if I could even have a sliver of a chance to look in your eyes and have you know that I brought you into this world then I would take it. To let you know how loved you are. By so many people you’ve never even met,” she admitted, reaching up to wipe her face again. “I’m so sorry it’s all happening like this. Why don’t we sit down, get you some water. Can you stay for a little bit? I’ll answer any question you have.” She reached out for him, hesitating before resting her hand on one of his shoulders as she waited for his answer.
Shep still had so many questions, but some of the pieces had begun to fit together and he had the chance to learn so much more, something he didn’t think he’d have with Andrea gone. He took in a deep breath and then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I can stay. I want to know everything.”
The blonde flashed her brother a slight smirk before setting the bottle down on the countertop. "I like to be prepared, you know, in case you gave me wine that tasted like shit." She knew what she liked, plain and simple. "So," she said after a brief pause hung in the air. She clasped her hands together, glancing around the kitchen. "What are you feeding me tonight?" Without waiting for an answer, she moved toward the cabinet where she knew he kept the wine glasses, pulled out two, and turned to try the bottle he’d just taken out of the fridge. "The club seems to be taking up most of my time," she said, pausing to take a sip before looking back at Shepherd. "But I'm on retainer, so…" She offered him a shrug.
"You really think I don't know which ones you like?" he replied with a chuckle. If anything, he had wine in the house specifically because of her, since he was more of a beer drinker himself if he did drink at all. He moved a simmering pot off of the heat, shutting off the stove. "Figured I'd go with a seafood risotto to go with the wine. It felt appropriate given the weather." He scooped the aforementioned dish onto the plates in the empty space beside a small summer salad, topping the pile of risotto with a few extra pieces of shrimp, mussels, and a sauteed scallop. "Yeah, I heard you were working with them," he replied, his voice steady as he worked. "You're not worried what representing them will do to business?"
At Shep’s offer to help, Cole nodded, offering up one of his usual warm, crooked smiles, “Sure thing– thanks.” Though he’d never been a man of many words, he’d never been one to turn down help either, and he hoped Shep could see that he did genuinely appreciate it even if he said very little. Sipping at his drink, he lifted a brow behind the rim of it as Shep announced his retirement plans. “Yeah? Pretty big move,” he commented, hoping it would prompt Shep to expand more on what had led him to that decision. It had always been obvious to Cole how much Shep’s work meant to him, especially with how staunchly the two of them stood on opposing sides of the law. In his mind, the badge was just as much as part of Shep as the reaper was a part of Cole. So needless to say, Shep’s announcement came as a surprise. Nodding at his plans to spend more time at his family’s ranch, Cole shrugged a shoulder, “Change of scenery could be good,” he supplied, though it was still hard to imagine him trading in his badge for it. “‘m sure your ma would appreciate the help too.” Cole was just assuming when it came to that bit, he didn’t know the woman at all, but he liked to think it’d be a good change for both of them to have Shep at the ranch more.
Cole's surprise was how he expected most people to react to the news. Shep had given most of his life to the force, so to step away from it all, he had to have a good reason for it. "The neuropathy in my arm's not getting any better," he admitted, staring into his glass rather than meeting his brother's gaze. "It makes holding a gun pretty difficult and I don't want to be one of those cops who puts other people at risk for the sake of my own ego." He shrugged. "I need to know when to call it quits. Think this is the universe's way of forcing my hand." He took a long swig from his drink, setting the now half-empty glass onto the table with a lifeless chuckle. "Figured I should let you and Sawyer know first, then Nellie. I don't expect it to mean you'll trust me with club business or anything, but hopefully I won't be as out of the loop as I feel now."
He was going to reply that he could appreciate that, and he understood that some level of crossover and connection was natural, but that sentiment flew out the window as soon as Decker provided a piece of information he hadn't previously had. Related to Cole Monroe, President of the Sons of Silence himself. Usually, Roman had to try a lot harder and do many more unsavory things before information like that fell out of someone's mouth. For a moment, he debated how to handle it, and quickly decided on making it known that the detective had just given him information he hadn't been aware of, in hopes of tripping up. "You're related? To the MC's president?" He played up the incredulity in his tone. "And are you implying that you're pumping him for information?" The man was either lying and trying to cover his own ass, or Roman was about to be highly impressed by his cunning.
Shep tensed at Roman's questions. When the man had brought up Shep's relation to people involved with the gangs, he hadn't realized he wasn't talking about Cole. Had he inadvertently fed him information that would make him, or his brother seem like more of a suspect? "Our father wasn't a faithful man," he said easily, attempting to keep his sudden nerves at bay. "Not officially, but he is more open with me the more we get to know each other. I'm still a cop, though, so I doubt he'd tell me anything that would be useful to your investigation. He doesn't trust law enforcement, including me."
They hadn't talked much. Ever since he had finally returned home from the hospital, their conversations were sparse. Before his accident, they'd clashed over the same argument they always had about Andrea Decker. Sure, she'd checked in on him around New Year's, but Sawyer was never one for coddling. She understood the need for space; she would've wanted the same if their roles were reversed. So when he asked her to come over, she seized the opportunity. "I brought wine, but it's more for me than it is for you," she announced as she walked through his front door.
"And here I thought I was supposed to be providing the wine. Guess we've got two bottles now," he replied with a chuckle, motioning to the bottle he'd already pulled from the wine fridge not long before she arrived. "Just plating dinner, so make yourself at home," he explained, moving about the kitchen with a little more ease. He'd finished his physical therapy a while ago, but there were still times he felt unsteady on his feet. His doctors attributed that to his head injury, so he still tried to be careful. "Has work been alright? I heard you've got a couple of new clients."
If it hadn't been for the fact that she knew it would draw Jill's attention, she would've pulled the car over that very minute so she could metaphorically beat some sense into her nephew. But instead, in the firmest tone she could manage, she tried to set him straight. "Listen to me. Your father was a fucker. Because our father was a fucker. Inspiring fear is not only what they did best, but what they enjoyed. I don't care if you're 4 or 40, that kind of fear doesn't just leave because you get old. If Sawyer or I had done the same thing, would you forgive us? I know you would, so why won't you forgive yourself? ---- Only a good man who does deserve to wear it would be beating himself up like this Shep. Granted, I don't want you to ever wear it again, but that's not 'cause you don't deserve to."
Shep remained quiet for many long moments, absorbing the truth of Nellie's words. If he were like many of the other officers he'd encountered throughout his career, he wouldn't have given a second thought to looking the other way, wouldn't let it weigh on his conscience long after his father was dead and gone, and yet... his voice still haunted Shep almost daily, reminding him of all the ways he had failed, all the ways he wasn't good enough. "I don't know," he admitted quietly then cleared his throat. "I think I should schedule an appointment to talk to someone." He hoped the implication was clear; without outright saying there was something wrong with him, he was acknowledging that there was a problem and that he needed help. "Thanks, Nell. I needed to hear that."
Life always seemed simpler to Cole whenever he was fixing things, or focused on some sort of project. For that reason, these thoughts he was currently having about The Black Rabbit were actually a godsend, rather than a headache. He craved distraction, especially at a time when his own thoughts and feelings were far too volatile for him to linger on for any longer than he had to. Cole nodded in agreement with Shep. What he’d said was essentially exactly how Cole had been feeling with regard to the speakeasy, and why he found himself sort of stuck. “Got a couple rattlin’ around,” he answered, tapping his temple with the tip of his finger. “Might be a little too ambitious but I wanna do a renovation eventually, add onto the structure and expand the actual ‘speakeasy’ aspect of it.” It would take a bit of time to tackle, but Cole saw these changes as things that would not only benefit the business as a whole, but the way the MC chose to use it as well. Which made Shep’s suggestion even better. Nellie was someone he’d feel comfortable explaining his more club related ideas to, given the way she’d tethered herself to the life almost as tightly as he had. She’d understand what he needed and why. “Not a bad idea– I’ll call her, see what she thinks.” Plus, it’d given him an excuse to spend more time around her. Tabling that thought for later, he nodded and glanced across at Shep, “Anyway, ‘nough about me– what’s new with you?”
"Let me know if you need any help, too. I can't do as much as I used to, but I can still swing a hammer," he chuckled, though he did genuinely mean it. He wanted to support his brother through this new business venture as much as he could, knowing that the future's uncertainty could be stressful without it. He took in a deep breath and leaned back against the booth, turning his gaze down towards his drink. "Well," he began, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass, "Pretty sure I'm retiring before the summer's out." He didn't have to say how big of a decision it was for him. Having grown up in the same town, Cole was probably aware of how long Shep had been on the force, how it had been practically his whole life at this point. "Steadily coming to terms with it, but I have no idea what I'll do afterward. Probably spend some more time up at the ranch since mom's just... dead to the world at this point. I don't want it falling apart with nobody overseeing things."
Lorna was looking at Jillian, listening to her and wondering how hard this day must have been on both of them. Her without her mother and him without his wife. But she figured they were here and they had made a tradition and she was going to enjoy this weird blessing the universe had suddenly decided she deserved. "Sounds like you two have been here plenty of times so I'll take your word for it. The salad sounds great. Are you sure? I mean I'm not one to pass off being treated but that's very generous of you."
His generosity also made her feel proud. Despite all of the venom that ran through his father's bloodline and Andrea's mind, Shepherd had somehow still turned out to be a kind and giving person. "My family's back in California and I didn't feel like making the trip home. Plus, my mom went on vacation with my Dad without telling anyone so she's not even there. She's living her best life." As Lorna's mother got older, she had only gotten more adventurous, determined to live as much of her life while she had it. "And uh my child and I are a bit..distant at the moment," she admitted, surprised at herself that she said it out loud. "But anyway, I am very grateful for the company," she told them and thanked the waiter for her glass of wine that came just in time to help her keep her emotions at bay.
"I'm positive. Since I'm not able to treat my wife today, I think she'd want me to make sure your day is one to remember," he assured her with a smile. And what he wouldn't say since he rarely spoke about money was that he was privileged in the fact that it had never been an issue for him. He frowned some at the mention of her child, wondering what could have happened that made them become distant. Though he hadn't known Lorna for long, she had a calming presence, and he had a hard time imagining her as a bad mother. He wanted to ask questions, but he didn't know how difficult of a subject it would be for her to discuss. "Any time. I can always go for company a little closer to my age than this one over here," he said with a chuckle as he nudged Jillian's hand with his pinky. "Did you move here from California then or were you living somewhere else before making your way here? And why Tonopah of all places?"
"I feel as if going to Vegas when in our profession isn't as fun." It was easy to call the bluffs, easy to win money, but difficult to have any of that heart pumping fun. Not to mention, knowing all the things that could happen, or most likely were happening, tended to take the shine off things. "Hit the head right on the nail with that one." Roman responded, moving from his more relaxed position of leaning against the table, to taking his place on the opposite side of the table, reasserting the fact that this was, in fact, an interview. Not quite an interrogation, but almost. "I think you still will be. For example, perhaps you can explain to me how the fact that most of the detectives in this department have connections in one way or another to any one of these criminal syndicates has flown completely under the radar. Yourself included."
Shep sat up a little straighter in his seat once Roman finished speaking, realizing the nature of the situation wasn't nearly as friendly or cooperative as he had thought. Though there wasn't a hint of accusation within the man's tone, the words certainly felt like one. "It's a small town," he reasoned. "Some of the families here have had generations grow up in the area, so there's bound to be some connection if you look closely enough. As for me, I only found out recently about my relation to Cole Monroe through our father, but that has been an advantage more than a detriment. I've been able to gain his trust more as his brother than I ever could have as a detective."
Lydia let out a chuckle, pressing a finger underneath her eye in order to wipe away any lingering moisture without messing up her makeup. “If the yelling I hear is any indication, I’m pretty sure he’s still on a Fortnite kick.” As much as the constant video games used to annoy her, nowadays it gave her a sense of relief that he was safe and sound inside their home. “He would like that a lot, though. Seriously. I can tell he hates being in the house all day with only me to entertain him – he’s restless – but…he’s not ready to venture out yet.” And honestly? She wasn’t ready for him to, either. “I really do appreciate it, Shep. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my corner.”
Shep had to resist the urge to reach out to wipe Lydia's tears away, hating to see someone he cared about having to wear the weight of all of this on her shoulders. He was grateful he could at least do his part to help take some of the load off. "Well, luckily for you, you'll never have to find out. I'll always be in your corner, Lydia. Now, I should let you two eat or else that food is going to go to waste, and we can't have that." He gave her hand one last squeeze before standing from the island, making his way over to her to pull her in for a hug. "Love you, Lyds. If you ever need anything, I'm just a text or phone call away."
The blonde waved away his words as she crossed her legs in front of her, leaning back in the chair in a position that conveyed a way more relaxed feeling than she felt. "You don't." Her head fell backwards slightly, letting her eyes focus on the ceiling above her, "Have to tell me." That is. She'd spent years not letting herself believe what she'd so readily tell anyone else in her situation. There was something to be said about truly believing something for others while also not being able to understand it for yourself. "I was a scared kid and felt like I couldn't tell anyone. Didn't think anyone would believe me." She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes moving back toward Shep. "With my mother... It just felt like I didn't matter and it was better that way."
"Well, I don't think she would've been winning any mom of the year awards even without knowing that had happened," he started, "but I'm sorry she failed you. No parent should ever allow their child to go through something like that for as long as you did." In a way, Shep could relate. Very few people knew what happened behind the doors of the Decker family's manor. Andrea has spent most of her time numbing herself to the world around her that Shep had had to step in to protect not only her but Sawyer, too. Sawyer's response to their mother's inaction had been rage, but Shep had done what he could to reconcile that she was a victim just as much as they were, and he couldn't fault her for simply giving into their circumstances. If he had ever dared to say anything and the police got involved, he knew nothing would happen and Jeff would only rain more hell down on them as a result. And what could he have said anyway? He was a rich kid, part of the Wells family lineage in Tonopah -- how could his life possibly have been awful? Nobody would have believed him if he'd shared all of the details, and so he had just stayed quiet and bore the burden. "Has he tried to reach out to you at all since you left home?"
Smiling briefly as he leaned into Shep’s embrace, Cole took a seat across from him and nodded, “Fair point– ain’t nothin’ worse, ‘cept maybe soggy cereal. That’s a dealbreaker,” he supplied, just latching onto that simple line of conversation while he could. Cole had never been much of a talker, and recent events had shoved him much further within himself than he really wanted to go, but tonight he was trying– he figured he owed Shep that much. Giving a nod as the waiter stopped and then passed by, Cole held onto his silence, figuring that by the end of the night he’d work something out to where Shep’s tab would be covered– he was technically in Sons’ country now, and Cole would be damned if he wasn’t taken care of. “Yeah, that’s the one,” he answered, attention turning back to the present, “Lookin’ at doin’ a rebrand though– new name, new structure…everythin’ really.” The only business Cole had ever owned was Reaper Crew, and it made sense to him. Being a mechanic was about the only thing he knew how to do outside of outlaw. But the speakeasy…that was something else entirely and it didn’t really feel like it was his… but he needed it to be, for the sake of the MC and the kind of business he wouldn’t conduct at the clubhouse. And so maybe a rebrand was what was warranted. “Kinda feel a little over my head here if I’m bein’ honest,” he divulged with a shrug, “I’m a mechanic, y’know? Not a showman.” And in his mind, a showman was damn near what he needed to be to run a place like The Black Rabbit. “But I inherited it– wanna do things right, but…dunno how to do that without makin’ it my own.”
Shep listened, sipping on his drink as he pondered over Cole's dilemma. He could understand that feeling of disconnection. Although he hadn't officially taken anything over, with Andrea having mentally checked out after Jeff's death, Shep had all but been maintaining the ranch. One of the employees had suggested he just take over the ranch entirely, but he was holding out hope that Andrea would pull herself together. "It's a delicate balance to walk for sure; you want to honor what was while still updating things to move forward. Do you have any ideas for names yet?" he asked, setting his drink back onto the tabletop. "I don't want seem like I'm volunteering her time, but Nellie's been taking care of me so much the last couple of months, I'm sure she'd like having something more interesting to do. You could always check with her, see if she's got any ideas."
She was un-phased by Shep's change in tone. Growing up in the Decker household had steeled her for much more, as she was sure it had done the same to him. "And why is that on you, Shep?" She questioned softly. Her poor, honorable, responsible nephew. Sometimes she wondered if this would all be easier on him if he was a bit more like the rotten side of their family tree, maybe he wouldn't be feeling the need to shoulder such a heavy burden, if that were the case. "Maybe it should be on me. I certainly knew him longer. For better or for worse, and we both know it was definitely worse, he raised me for half my life. So why is it only on you?" she repeated her question once more, hoping that by having to explain himself, he might see just how batshit crazy it all was. "As much as it sucks, I think we both know you're gonna anyways. Because you don't have a choice." she nodded back to Jill in the backseat, who had thankfully not been paying even the tiniest bit of attention.
Nellie had a point. Shep knew she had a point. The problem was that ever since Jeffrey's death, he'd been unable to shake the feeling that he should now be atoning for the sins he committed in his father's name all because he was too afraid to back down. He had never admitted to anyone the level of complicity he felt for looking the other way. "It wasn't just at home," he murmured, making sure Jillian was still preoccupied before continuing. "Sometimes he would ask me to do things for him... Prevent anyone from patrolling a certain area at a specific time, things like that. But you know they were never requests when he would ask for favors. I never asked why -- I was too afraid." His voice broke on the last word, and he avoided making eye contact with her. "Maybe everything I'm dealing with now is just karma telling me I don't deserve to wear the badge."
