destitute

[sheshouldhave]

I'm just smelling the cold air my mindset has completely changed I feel as if I have unlocked the secrets to life it is such a strange feeling.

[sheshouldhave]

just when you think that someone loves you know that they probably don’t or at least that’s what happened with you

[sheshouldhave]

lunch break

looking at myself looking at myself in the reflection in window across the way, I see someone empty. there's a tiny flame lit, it's growing weaker and weaker. I have the fucking sun by my side. where are the happy people? where are the ones who make my insides engulf in flames. why am I cold? oops, I've ran out of time. Back to work.

[sheshouldhave]

what if I didn't wake up what if you stood there shaking my now cold body screaming with tears running down your face veins pulsating out of your neck your hands eventually unclench and you fall to the floor what would you say to my spirit? what would you tell ME for the rest of your life? would you forget me? or would you hurt like I fucking hurt each second of everyday? but stop. this isn't about me, it's about you. what if I did not wake up.

[sheshouldhave]

my thumb still hurts from whenever you hit me with that can

and you, the other nuisance of my life I wish you cared. from the bottom on my being I just want things to be normal I don’t understand why thing have to be this way I’m happy, but not because of you the part of my life with you in it is too dull for me to care anymore

[sheshouldhave]

this is all too good to be true the way he caressed my hips and the dips in my sides gently took his fingers to my hair and intertwined our fingers while things went on I’ve never tasted lips sweeter than yours

[sheshouldhave]

like a spider like the one I killed in the shower last night unappreciated little being that I want to grasp onto oh so badly the place where his heart once lay is empty, thanks to you you stole the very moments that he could have spent happily with someone who loved him you've left me another soul clinging on for dear life at my doorstep again. I hope you know, I /will/ take care of him.

[sheshouldhave]

so what do you feel? the sun will burst at any moment I’m confused, I’m tangled in the sheets my bones are breaking my nerves are aching I’m slowly losing my breath I’ve been on this jog for three years now I think it’s time I stop and take a break I keep having these dreams I’m confusing them with reality by the time the super moon comes I should have my answer I’ve been waiting for what feels like eternity I hope my wish on that falling star comes true.

[sheshouldhave]

how I even manage to frown I don’t know because just thinking about your smile makes me feel instantly better you’re my medicine you’re everything I want you, I want you, I want you the day I finally kiss your lips will be the day I reach nirvana

[sheshouldhave]

there are hardly any words to describe these feelings your deep brown eyes and that oh so perfect smile you’re different than all the others you’re happy, not depressed you looked at me and smiled last night while in the car and I swear to you I’ve never seen anybody look at me the way that you did.

[sheshouldhave]

the times are more dull but brighter and I’ve saw things in you that I haven’t witnessed within any other being. I used to be a fool, now I’m just wallpaper. a puppet with strings, and you’re the hand that’s controlling me.

[sheshouldhave]

you had poison in your bloodstream you wanted to cut and let leak you chose the same fate as Kurt Cobain To the left behind your ear, a little hole was placed a fatal gunshot wound to the brain you laid there for a little while Until later you were found I assure you love, I promise you That all your blood was drained I guess you took a living to his quote "It's better to burn out, than fade away."

[sheshouldhave]

At this point in time I’m not sure how much more I can take

I never got to kiss your lips, as I promised when you arrived

It would have been the best embrace, I ached for all the time

Did you wanna’ feel my hair? I surely longed for yours.

It would have been a simple life, with everything nice, and never a worry.

I want to hold your urn, with as much passion as I would’ve given you.

I’ll never get that chance, I know. So my insides cry from day to day.

I got so caught up with suicidal threats today, I became delusional and began shouting your name and “please don’t leave me..”

Wherever you are, I hope you’re fine. Just also please remember that, I’ll always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.

[sheshouldhave]

your cigarette smoke vaporizes into dusk like the chemtrails after a plane. my veins bursting open like the hands of sleeping children.

[sheshouldhave]

I can hear your voice as your calling through the whispers of the wind I can feel your touch as you cradle me in the bed that has no end I can sense the beats of the gentle heart that never was I can taste the bliss of having you and this is all because-- I miss you.

[sheshouldhave]

From time to time I would check on your lonely soul You lost your brother And your lover And now you left me. You lived in the deep depths Of a murky dark place Every day would make no difference to you And now that your gone, I can feel it.

[sheshouldhave]

k.

the reason is my stomach pains they don't understand they don't understand floating on clouds, dipping my feet in the river of dead corpses you think I'm tempting myself I'm merely enjoying the show of how nature works and the growth of fetus into human using these spoons and having things all around me is what I look for in my life. nobody is home, this chest is empty I shouldn't have to spell it out but I'll never be as good as you