Sybil is, at heart, a deeply lonely person. She’s one of those people surrounded by the whole world, but who feels disconnected to the people in that world. To explore, first and foremost, it has to he said that Sybil knows her family love her, and this fact has, and will, never be something she doubts (though it is something she has to reconcile with after her parents decline to come to her wedding, and through the war years while she debates her future with Tom.) Her loneliness is not, in any way, due to a lack of love.
Sybil grows up on a pedestal in the village, with only her sisters for company, truly. Though they are allowed time in the village for events, the other children are taught to treat the Lord’s daughters differently than they would treat their peers. Now this suits Mary and Edith more than it suits Sybil - they hold more traditionally to their father’s beliefs. Sybil, however, looks at the school gates and longs for the chance to go, to experience something outside of her existence, and holds a deep envy for the children who have so many friends. The village children aren’t her friends, and children from other houses like hers are not often brought on visits, and as such, she spends no time around other children, outside of her sisters.
This brings us neatly to Mary and Edith, who are four and three years older than her respectively. Arguably, Mary and Edith are the people she clings to in this, with Mary being the closer of the two. However, Mary and Edith as previously mentioned, do stand more in line with their parent’s views, which - as Sybil grows and comes into her own ideas - alienates her from them further. Added influences here would be that Sybil would have lost her nanny and been thrown into the world of a governess when Edith came of age, as is customary in family’s where the majority are of the right age, meaning that she was only two when she would have made the switch to a Governess, as opposed to the five that both Mary and Edith would be. This further starves her of a level of affection she should have held. (Note, that here I do reason that it was Mary who took on this role in her life, leading to a closer bond between the sisters.) Now, added on to this, is Mary and Edith’s relationship with each other, in which Sybil played the role of peacekeeper predominantly. She watched their fraught and argumentative relationship, though knowing that they did love one another, and was forced to comprehend that she could always be turned against in such a way.
Now, leading on to her teen years and we have Sybil who came out in society three years after Edith, leading to three years in which she was left alone in the house through the summer, with only the servants - who were technically not permitted to have a close relationship with her - and her governess for company. I personally enjoy the headcanon that the Crawley sisters went through multiple Governesses because they were each so strong willed in their own way and no one could handle them, so lets assume that the position was hardly … permenant. While Sybil is seen to be well liked downstairs, due to her gentle personality, there’s a difference between a relationship with an employer and employee, and with a friend. She isn’t exactly close with anyone, and could hardly share her world with them.
Gwen is the first moment when we see Sybil desperately longing for friendship. While Sybil’s belief in Gwen is incredibly real, and strong, and built out of her own belief in female empowerment, there is also an element of Sybil that clings to her friendship. Though they do very genuinely get along, there is always an element of this in which Sybil is the benevolent friend, who is helping Gwen improve herself, that cannot be ignored. Their friendship is amazing, and so important to Sybil as a character, but there is still a large element of class imbalance found within it. In finding Gwen a job, Sybil is quickly then forced to give up this friendship, because she wants to see Gwen succeed, and while they keep in touch with letters, she has given it up.
I do follow the JBF interview in which she speaks about how the proposal is a shock to Sybil because she’s been seeing Tom as a friend, and is just so clouded by excitement to have someone she can talk to. Tom is her age, and for the first time, she’s got someone who has the same interests as her and who begins to break down the class divides that have always kept her separate from the rest of the world. Tom encourages her, which is something Sybil needs, and at the same time, Sybil challenges his world view and gives him something to believe in. They’re both two lonely people who are searching for something and they find that something, and more, in each other. Tom is the first person who truly begins to relieve some of the loneliness within her, because he stays by her side for so long and because they share common ground that she doesn’t have with anyone in her citcle.
Her loneliness is a defining character trait within her. She is searching for connections that she struggles to find. She spends a lifetime with her position keeping her separate from so many people, and she’s still deeply, deeply longing for friends.
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